Alice in Underland: The Letters
by DariaSilver
Summary: Book One of the Alice in Underland trilogy. On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life, with twice the complication. Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

* * *

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part One**

9 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

If you're reading this, that means you've actually received my letter. Isn't it wonderful? I can write to you now! I'm so very glad about that, my dear Hatter. The truth is, I have been wanting to write to you all this time but I didn't know how I could possibly post letters to Underland. I've thought about it so many times but I could never come up with an answer on how to do it. Really, as I'm writing this, it just occured to me how rather curious today's events were. This afternoon I was sitting in the garden thinking about that very thing, about how I might be able to send a letter to you, and I had just been struck with what I thought was the rather inspired idea to write a letter and just drop it down the rabbit hole at the Ascot's Manor in the hope that you would somehow find it. But then, something extraordinary happened. The precise moment after I had that thought, Absolem suddenly appeared out of nowhere! You can imagine how startled I was at the sight of him! Well, really it was the sight of him and the fact that he appeared on my shoulder and whispered "Hello, Alice" right into my ear. Honestly, it scared the daylights out of me. It's a bit embarrassing to admit this but I think I may have actually screamed when he did that. I'm certain he did it on purpose. It amuses him to no end to provoke people, I think. And while that can be a bit obnoxious and rather horrid of him, I find there's something almost endearing about it. He had quite a laugh at my reaction, which of course he no doubt fully intended, and after I scolded him for frightening me, he finally explained why he'd come. He told me that now that he's finally transformed into a butterfly, he's going to look after me whenever I need him. He said all I have to do is call his name and he'll come to me. And it's true. He made me try it, to test it out, and it worked. Can you believe it? It is peculiar though because when I asked him why he wanted to look after me, his expression changed and he grew rather mysterious and refused to go into detail - he just said it had something to do with Fate and my having a special connection to Underland. He was very secretive about it which I found strange so naturally, my interest was piqued and I tried to ask him more about it but he wouldn't answer. In any case, despite his not answering some of my questions, I was quite happy to see him. We had a rather nice visit. It was a lovely visit, really. But the best part about it was his telling me how I could write to you.

He said if I write a letter to you and place it on my writing desk at night before I go to sleep and then wish it to you in Underland, it will supposedly get to you before I wake up. I really hope this works because I want you to see that I haven't forgotten you like you said I would. Honestly! As if I could forget you! It made me so very sad that you could even think such a thing after everything we went through together. It makes me wonder now, have you been thinking that all this time, wondering if I'm here in this world, going on as if none of it ever happened, and believing that I've actually forgotten you? Goodness! What a horrible thought! Well, as you can see, I certainly haven't. I've missed you, Hatter. More than I can say. I think of you often and I miss you terribly. Don't you know, I didn't want to leave Underland when I did, but I had to go? Do you understand that? I had to go because there are things I need to do here in this world, but I promise, I will come back to Underland again one day, as soon as I can. I do hope you know that. I told you I would come back again, before I left after the battle on Frabjous Day, and I meant it.

I asked about you, and about the White Queen and McTwisp, Chessur, the March Hare, the Tweedles, Bayard, Mallymkun and everyone, wanting to know how you all are doing now that the White Queen is back in power, but Absolem said he can't reveal too much about what's going on in Underland. He also told me you wouldn't be able to write letters back to me because it would interfere with my life here. I told him that was silly but he was quite adamant about it. It still seems silly. Why shouldn't you be able to write to me if you want to?

But as I'm allowed to write to you, I shall, and I will continue to do so until the day comes when I return to Underland.

Since I got back to London, a lot has changed for me. I never had much of a chance to tell you about my life here because so much was going on, but on the day I came to Underland, I had just run off from what had turned out to be a surprise engagement party - for me. The man who proposed is a Lord called Hamish Ascot, and everyone thought I would marry him, that I would jump at the chance to do so, but when he proposed, I panicked and ran off without giving him an answer. Earlier at the party, I had seen McTwisp running around the Ascot's lawn and just as Hamish asked me to marry him, I saw McTwisp and he was holding up a pocket watch and tapping it as if to convey that I was late for something. So when I panicked and ran off, I followed McTwisp, who led me to a rabbit hole, and when I tried to look inside it, I lost my balance and that's when I fell down the hole and ended up in that room of doors in Underland.

At any rate, after I drank the vial of Jabberwocky blood, it took me back to the top of the rabbit hole, and to my immense surprise, I discovered that it was only as if a few minutes had passed since I'd run off from the engagement party. I was in Underland for I think six days or so but when I returned to this world, I came back to the time I had left it. Isn't that strange and curious? So, there I was, back in London at the Ascot's Manor, and once I made my way back to the gazebo where Hamish was waiting, I immediately declined his proposal. It was quite a shock to everyone, but I didn't care. Lord Ascot, Hamish's father, took me to his study after I declined his son's proposal and I spoke to him about my father's plans for expanding the trade routes for the Company. It had been my father's Company, but after he died, Lord Ascot bought it. When I told him my father's intended plans then told him a few ideas of my own, Lord Ascot invited me to join the Company as his apprentice. That's a very big thing in this world, because women here simply don't do such a thing as work, especially as apprentices for a large Trading Company.

I'm still in London at the moment, but I'm about to take my first trip with the Company. We're going to sail on a ship to places far away from here, starting with Sumatra and Borneo (which had been my father's plan), then we're going to a place called China (my idea). It's all very exciting. I've taken trips before, to the continent called Europe, but where I'm going is on the other side of the world. As it's so far, we'll be stopping in different ports along the way, mostly around the continent called Africa, then after Africa, one of the ports we'll be going to is a place called Bombay, in India. I can't wait to see it!

Absolem told me I'll still be able to write to you, even while I'm travelling, so I shall, and I'll tell you all about my adventures. I hope you're well and that you're happy now that the White Queen is back in power. I wish I knew what was going on in Underland. I don't know why Absolem is being so guarded about everything. I miss it. And I miss you. I'll write to you soon, Hatter.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_Dear Alice,_

_I might not be able to send my letters, but I shall write back to you anyway, in the hope that you might read them one day when you return._

_How very happy I am that you haven't forgotten me! And even if I am not permitted to write to you, or at least send my letters to you, I'm so happy that at least you can write to me. I miss you too, Alice, more than I can possibly express. Underland is going through big changes at this time, and yes, I am happy now that the White Queen has regained her crown. But I am also sad, I admit, because you're not here to see it._

_I'm glad you declined that man's proposal. And I'm glad that you've been made an apprentice at the Company that was once your father's. I'm not really sure what it means, but it does sound exciting. I look forward to hearing about your travels and adventures in the Otherworld._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

10 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

Did you get my letter, I wonder? I left it on my writing desk last night before I went to sleep and wished it to you and this morning it was gone, so I hope you've received it. I'll be asking Absolem next time I see him.

I've been very busy today, preparing for the trip. There's so much to do! Mother and I went shopping this afternoon. She's been rather supportive about everything, which I have to admit is a bit surprising. I know she would have preferred for me to have married Hamish but she seems to have accepted my decision and she told me today that she is very proud of me for having the courage to do what I'm doing. I sometimes get the feeling she wishes she could come on this trip too. Margaret, my sister, thinks I was wrong to have declined Hamish's proposal and she thinks I'm mad now that I've joined the Company. Most people think that of me so it doesn't bother me. I live my life the way I choose, and if people think me mad for it, so be it.

Tonight's letter will be a short one, I'm afraid, as I'm rather exhausted from all I've done today. Goodnight, dear Hatter.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_Dear Alice,_

_Yes, I did get your letter, but you'd have known that already if I were allowed to send my replies to you. How I miss you, Alice! On one hand, I'm so happy you're writing to me, but on the other, it makes me miss you all the more. I wonder, are you really going to come back here to Underland? Or will your life in the Otherworld somehow make you forget us, forget me? _

_I hold on to the hope that you will return one day, just as you've said you would._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

11 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

I called for Absolem today because I had to know if you've been getting my letters. He seemed rather annoyed with me, calling me a stupid and foolish girl for bothering him with such trifles, as he put it. But he told me you are indeed receiving my letters, so let him be annoyed. I got the answer I wanted. I just hope he was telling me the truth.

I had another busy day, preparing for the trip. I imagine it will be like that until we set sail. I won't bore you with the details about what I do for the Company, but instead will tell you about the rest of my day. The Chattaway sisters, Faith and Fiona, who remind me a bit of the Tweedles, came to visit this afternoon for Tea. They're rather flighty and full of gossip, and I tolerate them but I wouldn't exactly call them my friends. They came to talk about Hamish, as if I cared. They think my rejection of his proposal is quite scandalous and spent the whole time giggling about how he's a Lord and how could I pass up the chance to become a Lady? Honestly, it took all my patience not to snap at them and tell them to marry him themselves if they thought he was so wonderful. As they love to gossip, they also took it upon themselves to inform me that everyone is talking about me and saying I'm becoming more and more odd and that I'll most certainly be destined for spinsterhood, what with the mad choices I'm making these days. I thanked them for their concern then politely showed them the door. Well, maybe not so politely, but they're too silly to notice such things.

I find it very hard living in this world sometimes, Hatter. I don't care what others think of me, but it does annoy me that people are so short-sighted. Can't they see beyond the nonsensical rules of this society? And who decided what those rules are, anyway? And why does everyone follow those rules, without question? I can't understand it. Some of the conventions we are forced to live by are utterly ridiculous, yet it seems that I'm the only one to see it. Women here are meant to serve one purpose: to marry and have children, and to devote their lives to their husband. That appears to be all that matters, at least in my social circle. Class is very important here. The station to which one is born determines the life that person will have. I am one of the "privileged ones" so it is expected of me to marry well and have children, as soon as possible. For the privileged ladies, after marrying and providing their husbands with children (and most importantly, an heir), it is their duty to support their husband in whatever he chooses, and to give parties and do frivolous, unimportant things like that. Can you imagine it? To be resigned to such an utterly boring and meaningless life? If I don't marry within the next couple of years I'll most likely be considered "on the shelf" and no doubt be regarded as a dedicated spinster. Women of my particular station are in a rather precarious position if they don't do what is expected. And I've certainly chosen to do the unexpected.

I want to see the world. I want to carry out my father's dream of expanding the trade routes to Sumatra and Borneo, now that he's not here to do it. I imagine sometimes that he's looking down on me from the heavens and smiling, because I'm so much like him. I have my own dreams too. It was my idea to expand the trading routes to China, to be the first British Company to trade with them. Thankfully, Lord Ascot is one of the few people who actually respects my mind and my ideas. But in the eyes of the society to which I'm indentured, I'm considered mad because I want to do things women aren't supposed to do. As I said, I don't care what people think of me. Honestly. I just find it irritating to be surrounded by such inanity and narrow-mindedness. My father was the only person who understood me and he's gone. I feel quite alone now, as if everyone in the world sees in black and white and I'm the only one who sees in colour. Do you know what I mean?

Forgive me for rambling on. I'm tired and I suppose I feel a bit depressed. It will be different once I get away from London and we're at sea. Perhaps then I'll feel happier. I miss you, you know. How I wish I could talk to you in person! I have the feeling that you could understand everything I just wrote about.

I think I'll go to sleep now, as my mood is somewhat melancholy. Goodnight, dear Hatter (or should I say, Tarrant - Absolem told me that's your given name).

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dear Alice,_

_How sad your last letter was. If only I could send my letters to you, because I want you to know, I do understand, in my way. I know what it's like to be different and to feel apart from everyone. I think I've felt that way my entire life. I've felt quite alone at times. My mother died when I was very young so it was just me and my father. He was a Hatter too and taught me the trade, and when I was old enough we worked together yet we weren't really close. The only thing we had in common was our love for making hats. Then he died too and I became the sole Hatter for the White Queen. I lived at the castle but never really fit in there, though I tried to. _

_After the Red Queen took over, things just got worse. We were all living in constant fear and everyone scattered. I somehow formed the Resistance but it wasn't easy and we accomplished little. I mostly spent my time with Thackery and Mally, making plans that we could never carry out, for everyone was either dead or too scared or enslaved by the Red Queen. A lot of people fled to the Outlands. And the ones who stayed...well, they had all gone a bit mad by then, myself included. _

_I have found it hard living in __this__ world sometimes, just as you find it hard living in yours. I still do. _

_How I wish you were here. But I understand you wanting to do the things you mentioned and I wish you all the best. Just try to come back soon, as I miss you terribly._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

12 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

I'm sorry my last letter was so morose. I was just in a mood. I sometimes get that way. I feel much better tonight, as I spent a productive day with Lord Ascot, working out our plans for the upcoming trip. It's so nice to be appreciated for my thoughts and ideas. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have this. It's so very important to me. I'm slowly earning the respect of the others in the Company, though some still resent me. I don't mind though. It's nothing I didn't expect, as a woman's mind is not something highly prized in this world. But at least I've had the good fortune to have found someone who isn't priggish like most people, and instead has granted me this wonderful opportunity to do what I want to do. Lord Ascot is a fine man and I find it very pleasant and interesting to work with him as his apprentice.

So now I wonder about you. Are you in Marmoreal, installed at the castle and making hats for the White Queen? Are you having lots of Tea Parties with the March Hare and Mallymkun and Chessur?

I'm off to bed now. Goodnight, dear Hatter/Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_Dearest Alice,_

_I wonder if I should write what's truly in my heart and never show you these letters. Then I could be completely honest. I think about you all the time. Why did you have to leave? I know why, of course. I just mean...I wish you had stayed._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

13 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

Today while shopping in London, we stopped at a hat shop to buy some hats and all I could think about was how much I wished you were there to see it. How you would have loved it!

We're leaving in just a few days. Though Absolem told me I'll still be able to write to you while I'm off on my travels, I'm beginning to worry that you won't get my letters after I leave London. That would make me so terribly unhappy. Once I'm at sea and writing to you from there, I suppose I'll have to annoy Absolem again to make sure you're getting them still. Seeing all the hats this morning has had me thinking about you all day. I was remembering all that we went through, and then I remembered how we said goodbye. You looked so sad, so convinced I wouldn't be back and that I wouldn't remember you. Thinking of it now makes me sad. Why didn't I get a chance to at least hug you before I left? I wish I had.

I miss you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_Dearest Alice,_

_Though I don't want you to be sad, I'm glad to know you miss me and are thinking of me. I wish you had hugged me too. You were standing right in front of me and then you just...disappeared. If and when you come back, I don't think I'll show you this letter because I'm going to write something I'd only tell you if I knew you felt the same way. On Frabjous Day, after you left, I spent that night alone at my house, feeling as if my heart were broken. I'm still trying to put the pieces back together._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

14 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

I'm tired tonight, as I just spent the evening at a rather tedious party, so I can only manage a short note. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm thinking of you too. Always._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

15 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

Another tedious party tonight. I can't wait to get out of this place. The Chattaway twins were quite annoying. They're still harping on about Hamish and my decision to become an apprentice for the Company. They don't understand how I could pass up the chance to be a Lady. If they only knew I was the Champion for a Queen! That would shut them up.

I'm afraid I can only manage a short note again. I have a headache. I wish you were here, or I was there. I miss you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_If only you knew you already __are__ a Lady, here in Underland. The Queen has decreed that you're Lady Alice. _

_Those girls sound horrid._

_I wish the same thing. I don't care where, here or there, I just wish we were together._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

16 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

Tomorrow's the big day! I shall be leaving London and setting sail to distant lands I've only dreamed about. And finally I shall see them! I'm so very excited.

But I'm also thinking of you, still worrying you won't get my letters. Please talk to Absolem and make him tell me if you don't get them.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm happy to know you're happy about your trip. You're probably already off now. I hope it's everything you dreamed of._

_Rest assured, if I stop getting your letters, I'll make sure Absolem tells you. I should be devastated if that happens._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

17 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

I'm at sea now. It's so wonderful. So liberating. Absolem came up to see me off. I didn't even have to call him. He just knew. It's very curious how he can do that. When I ask him about things like that, he refuses to tell me. He's so contrary sometimes. I'm going to call him tomorrow to make sure you got this letter, which I'm sure will annoy him, but I don't care.

I know my last few letters have been short but I've just been so busy these past few days, by the time I get a chance to write to you, I'm tired. I'm afraid that's the case again. Just know, I'm thinking of you. You're never far from my thoughts.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_How relieved I am to have gotten your letter! Absolem came by to make sure and seemed a tad cross, but then, he's always like that, isn't he?_

_Am I really never far from your thoughts? I hope that will always be true. I worry that once you get caught up in your adventures in the Otherworld, you'll slowly start to forget me...and perhaps stop writing altogether. Please don't forget me, Alice. I couldn't bear it._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

18 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

I called for Absolem today and he told me you had indeed gotten my letter! He acted rather vexed, telling me he's not our personal emissary, but I think I saw a hint of amusement in his eyes. When I asked him about you he wouldn't tell me anything. I admit I got a bit mad at him and said it's not fair and he should at least tell me if you're alright. So he relented and told me you were. Is it true, Tarrant? Are you?

Now that I'm at sea and shall be for several days before we see land again, I'll have more time to write. But what shall I tell you about? I wish you were allowed to write to me! I hate that this correspondence is so one-sided. I have no idea what you're thinking and feeling. Are you happy to get my letters? Do you miss me as I miss you?

I'll write you a longer letter tomorrow, I promise. As there's not much to tell about what's happening in my life at present (being at sea is a bit quiet so there's not much to tell), I suppose I'll be writing more about myself, about me, about my past. I'm a very private person so I'm not used to opening up to people about that kind of thing. But I feel like you're the one person who I can talk to. I trust you. So I'll write more tomorrow.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_Absolem told me the same thing yesterday when he came to see me, that he's not our personal emissary. I wish he'd tell you more. I want you to know. Yes, I'm alright, though I miss you more and more each day._

_Of course I'm happy to get your letters. Won't Absolem at least tell you __that__? Next time I see him I'll tell him he must let you know that I am. I hate that this correspondence is so one-sided too. I don't know if I miss you as you miss me. I suspect I miss you far more. Could it be the same? Can you possibly miss me as much as I miss you? I feel like half of my heart is missing. I doubt you feel that strongly about me._

_I'm glad you feel like I'm the one person you can talk to and that you trust me. I can't wait for longer letters where you tell me more about yourself and your life and things like that. I want to know everything about you. _

_What would I do without these letters, Alice? If it's all I can have of you for now, at least I have that. One day I hope you'll come back and then I'll know if you feel the same for me as I do for you. Or maybe you'll give me a hint of how you truly feel in letters to come._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

* * *

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Two**

19 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

It's my third day at sea and while I'm happy to be away from London and thrilled that I shall soon see more of the world, I do admit, this part is a bit boring. There's really not much to do but read and walk around the ship, though I do spend some time working out plans for the Company with Lord Ascot, and there are the meals in the dining room, particularly dinner, which are more lively. A few of the men are resentful of my presence as well as the presence of my chaperone, a woman by the name of Miss Prescott. Well! Let them be resentful! It was my father's Company, even if it is Lord Ascot's now, and they should respect me, but really, who cares about them?

Miss Prescott, a former governess (her charge has recently come of age so she was released from her employment and therefore free to accompany me), has spent most of her time confined to her cabin. She isn't taking well to being at sea, so far. I fear she'll be in for a much worse time of it, for we've been warned of what they call 'The Cape of Storms" - it's a long stretch off the coast of South Africa. Apparently the seas there are quite rough and possibly quite dangerous (even deadly!), if we run into one of the more fearsome storms for which the Cape has been named. Ships have been lost there. But don't worry, my dear Hatter. I have a good feeling about it. And Absolem has assured me that I shall be safe. In any case, it will be awhile before we get to that leg of the journey. Our first stop shall be Madeira, in Portugal, which we'll be getting to in the next few days, depending on the weather. I haven't been there before so I'm rather excited to see it.

So, that's life at sea. Not too much to tell, as I said in the last letter. I promised to tell you more about myself and my life, but where do I start?

I suppose I can start with my childhood, when you first met me. I used to dream of Underland all the time. I didn't know it was real and that I had actually been there. I thought it was a dream I kept having. So despite having actually been to Underland in reality, to me it was just a place I kept dreaming about, and I would wake up from those dreams feeling rather scared, since most of the dreams were about the Red Queen. My father always knew how to comfort me. He would tell me it was only a dream and that nothing could hurt me but if I was scared I should just pinch myself and I'd wake up.

When I was in Underland this last time, just after I got out of the room of doors, I was met by McTwisp, the Tweedles, Mallymkun, the Dodo bird and some talking flowers. We went to see Absolem and he told them I was "Not hardly Alice" so afterwards, we were arguing about whether or not I was "The Alice" and I got tired of it and pinched myself to wake up, but it didn't work. So Mallymkun offered to stick me with her needle. She stabbed me with it quite forcefully, but I still didn't wake up. Out of everyone, she was the worst of the disbelievers. For some reason, she had a rather obvious dislike towards me. I don't know why.

In any case, that's why I was convinced it was all a dream, up until just before the battle with the Jabberwocky. When I ran off that morning, after you stepped forward to be the Champion but the Oraculum showed that I was the only one who could do the slaying, I came upon Absolem and we talked. He said some things that made me remember coming to Underland as a little girl. And that's when I realised Underland was real, and that you were real, and not a dream at all. I'm sorry for thinking you weren't, and for telling you that. I remember how we talked on the balcony the night before Frabjous Day and how I told you that you weren't real and you were just a figment of my imagination. That must have been terrible to hear. Thinking about it now, I can remember the expression on your face when it made you question it yourself. I feel quite sad now, remembering that. Forgive me, dear Tarrant, for being so wrong, and for confusing you.

On the surface, I suppose my childhood seemed similar to that of any other girl of my particular station. I was brought up to learn all the social graces and niceties, and taught the same things other girls were: how to play the piano, how to sew, how to dance, how to comport myself as a proper young lady. But I had my father, who thought like me, and he didn't mind my questioning everything and my rather active imagination. In fact, he encouraged it.

Because of the Company, as well as our social status, we took many trips to the continent (Europe), which I always loved. Life in England has always been stifling for me. Everything is so prim and proper there, and for no reason, at least none that I can see. It's quite absurd, really. So I loved when we would travel abroad. I especially loved France, and despite my resentment at having to learn some of the things a well bred young lady was made to learn, one thing I'm grateful for is that I was taught to speak French, which is quite a beautiful language. I also am grateful that I was taught to play the piano, though I hated when I was made to perform at parties. I like playing for myself, not others, especially when it's expected of me.

I imagine I was a most difficult child, as I constantly wanted to know why things were the way they were, and why I had to do the things I had to do. I confess, I was often rather defiant and quite resistant to that which was expected of me. I absolutely hate being told what to do. I hated it as a child and I hate it still, especially if what I'm being told to do doesn't make sense to me. I'm sure you can understand that.

I'm feeling a bit tired now so I'll write more tomorrow.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I find myself quite worried about this Cape of Storms. It sounds so ominous. I fear I won't relax until you've gotten past it. When will you be getting there? _

_Now I understand why you thought Underland was all a dream. Of course, I knew it was real all along, but I can see now why you didn't. I admit, I did have a moment of doubt that night on the balcony before Frabjous Day, but it was only a moment, my dear Alice, so there's nothing to forgive._

_What I'm sorry about is all the doubt everyone had towards you, especially Mally. I knew you were "The Alice" the moment I saw you. I don't understand why everyone couldn't see it at once. It must have been very confusing for you, and rather vexing to be doubted like that._

_Learning about your childhood is so interesting. As I said in my last letter, I want to know everything about you. It makes me sad that there was so much turmoil for you and that you were forced to live in a way that you didn't want, trapped in a world where people don't understand you and can't see how incredibly special you are. But the good parts sound quite nice. I'm glad that you had some happiness, at least, but you should have had so much more. _

_I'm so terribly sorry you've lost your father. My poor Alice. It must be devastating. How I wish I were with you right now. If I were, I would give you a hug and tell you that you'll always have me and you're not alone._

_I feel as you do. Defiant. Resistant. Especially now. Why is it I'm not allowed to write to you? It's not fair. Why should it interfere with your life in the Otherworld? And who decided that anyway? I tried to do the same as you, wish one of my letters to you after leaving it on my writing desk before I went to sleep, but obviously it didn't work, as the letter was still there in the morning. And had it worked, you would have told me you'd received it. So, as you can see, I'm just like you. If I knew how to make it happen, I would send you my letters despite being told I'm not allowed to do so, because I don't agree with this rule._

_I miss you so very much._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

20 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

Today was much the same, another long day at sea. Poor Miss Prescott. I feel rather sorry for her. She's still feeling unwell though we sat on the deck and had a chat today. What a sad life she has. To be a governess for so many years and get attached to the child then be cast aside as if she were nothing when the child grows up. Her former charge, to whom she was very close, has promised to keep in touch with her and I hope she does. Apparently the girl is now engaged so her parents decided it was time for Miss Prescott to go. It's quite tragic, don't you think?

Miss Prescott is one of those unfortunate women who came from a good family, like mine, but her family fell on hard times so she was forced to earn a living and become a governess, therefore consigning her to a life of spinsterhood, unless she meets someone who can look beyond the fact that she had an occupation. She is a genteel woman and very sweet. I imagine she must have been a lovely governess. After getting to know her a bit, I'm determined to help her. I gathered from our conversation this afternoon that she would like to get married one day, not because it's expected of women in our society or because she doesn't want to be alone or be a governess again, but because she's a romantic and she believes in love and believes that there's someone out there who's meant for her. How I hope she finds him. Perhaps he's a Company man, on this very ship! Wouldn't that be nice? After what I went through in Underland, I'm now a strong believer in Fate. So perhaps her Fate has led her to chaperone me, and in doing so, it will lead her to the man she's meant to marry.

Despite my outrage over the expectations that society places on women, I have nothing against marriage itself. I think if one finds true love, one should marry. I'm just against it when it's for the wrong reasons, when one marries because it's expected. How miserable I would be if I'd accepted Hamish's proposal. My sister has made it quite clear that she thinks I was wrong to reject him. But I look at her and think, I should never want to be in her position. Her husband, Lowell, is a cad of the worst kind. At the notorious surprise engagement party, the one where I declined Hamish's proposal, I caught Lowell kissing another woman. I think he even tried to make a slight advance towards me, after I confronted him. I could be wrong about that, but he did have a strange look in his eyes and he moved towards me in an odd way. But then Hamish interrupted us. What if he was trying to make an advance on me? How horrid! My own sister's husband. What a snake he is!

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_Your Miss Prescott does sound like a tragic figure indeed. And how very sweet you are in your determination to help her. _

_Your sister's husband is a disgrace. I don't even know him, but I despise him. _

_I'm so very glad to know you believe in Fate and in true love. And I'm glad that you seem so steadfast about only marrying if it's true love. Because now I know you won't rush into marriage. All this talk about that Hamish fellow had me a bit worried, I confess. Not that you'd marry him. But I worry you'll find someone better than him and possibly settle for less than true love, without meaning to. _

_Please, please wait for me. Come back to me soon, Alice, for I shouldn't be able to bear it if you were to marry someone else. I'm so afraid I'll lose you, so afraid you'll forget me, afraid you'll meet another man and think he's the right one for you, and then you'll never come here again. _

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

21 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

I'm very grateful I have Miss Prescott, even though a part of me wants to rebel at having to have a chaperone. I don't hold it against her personally though. It's not her fault and I'm discovering that she's actually quite good company. Thank goodness for that because it's really quite tedious being at sea. She's feeling better now so we spent a great deal of the day together talking and playing cards. I prefer to play backgammon over cards but she admitted she's not very good at it so we compromised and found some card games we both enjoy playing. So despite how boring it is being at sea, today wasn't too terrible, now that I'm forming a friendship of sorts with Miss Prescott. She's not much older than I am but I suppose because she was a governess she's considered the "right" choice for a chaperone.

I'm a bit tired tonight so I'm afraid this letter shall have to be a short one.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm glad you're finding a friend in Miss Prescott. From what you've described, being at sea does sound rather boring. I imagine I'd feel quite trapped if I were in your position. I wouldn't feel that way if we were together, but if I were on a ship without you for more than a few days, I think I would really hate it._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

22 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

Today is the 22nd of September so it's been five months now since I left Underland and last saw you. How I miss you! Do you miss me?

I admit, I feel rather sad tonight. I'll write you a longer letter tomorrow.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_Five months? It's hard to count time quite the same way in Underland because it moves differently here, but since you started writing to me the days have passed rather steadily which is really rather unusual. Perhaps it's because we remain linked together through your letters, despite our being in two separate worlds. That must be the case because I've never seen time move this way before._

_Yes, of course I miss you! Were you feeling sad because you miss me? Was that why? I don't want you to be sad, but if you were feeling that way because you were missing me, I admit it gives me some hope that perhaps one day you might come to love me as I love you. Yes. I love you. I never quite said it before, did I? But it's true. And now I've said it, finally._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

23 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

I'm sorry my last few letters have been so short. I want to write more but there's not much happening on the ship. I've been spending a lot of time with Miss Prescott, talking and playing cards. There's not much else to do, really. She's as bored with being at sea as I am. When I sit down to write to you I always intend to write a long letter but late at night, alone in my cabin, I find myself feeling a bit depressed. Forgive me. I promise I'll write longer letters soon. Perhaps it will get better and I won't feel so down once I get used to being at sea for long stretches of time. But for now, it's quite hard.

How I wish you could write back to me. I'm certain I'd feel much better if you could. In fact, I know I would. I think perhaps part of the reason I'm so depressed is because I miss you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_Oh my! Did you say what I think you said? You're depressed because you miss me? Does that mean what I think it means or am I reading too much into it?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

24 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

Apparently we'll be getting to Madeira very early in the morning, before dawn, so tomorrow I shall go ashore with Miss Prescott and hopefully she and I will have an adventure there. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow night when I write to you.

I can't wait to get off the ship! It's so dull and monotonous being at sea. I had no idea it would be like this. The worst part is, Lord Ascot told me this is a short journey between ports. I can't imagine what the longer ones will be like.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm glad you'll finally get some time off the ship. I'm sure you'll have a lovely time being back on land, and to a place you've never been before. It sounds so wonderful. How I wish I were there with you. I hope you and your Miss Prescott have a marvelous adventure, though I admit, I'd rather you have that adventure with me. I suppose I'm a bit jealous. Forgive me. I just miss you._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

25 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

Good heavens! Today turned out to be quite an adventure indeed! Miss Prescott and I had to take a launch from the ship to get to shore and as she was trying to get into the launch, she slipped and fell into the water! It was quite frightening, for the weight of her clothes was so much once they got wet, she began to sink like a stone. One of the men dove in and rescued her. It was quite a scene. The water was rather cold apparently and she was very shaken. The man who saved her escorted us to her cabin and I helped her out of her wet clothes, trying to soothe her as I was doing so. I thought maybe she was in shock. But then she surprised me, for she asked me to help her change into a new set of clothes, and said she was quite intent on seeing Madeira still, telling me it might be her only chance to ever see it and she wasn't going to let a little water make her pass up that opportunity. I applauded her tenacity and bravery, as many people might have let what happened stop them from ever trying to get into a launch again. When we left her cabin, the man who had come to her rescue was waiting outside and when we told him we were going to Madeira as planned, he insisted on escorting us there. He was as impressed with Miss Prescott's strength of will and fortitude as I was, and told her so.

And that's when I saw it, dear Hatter. Fate was at work! The man, Mr. Bowen, seemed quite taken with Miss Prescott, and she with him, as the day wore on. The three of us got into the launch, with no problem this time, and we went to Madeira. It's an island and it was quite charming. Very colourful with flowers everywhere and the weather was sunny and bright so it was especially nice. We looked around at all the stalls where the local people were displaying their wares: flowers, baskets, shawls, different textiles, embroidered table runners and mats, woven bags, and things like that. Then we had a tour of the island which was rather interesting. We went to a cafe for lunch afterwards, where we tried some of the famous Madeira wine. By that point, Mr. Bowen and Miss Prescott were quite cosy with each other. It was a lovely day and we had a wonderful time. When we returned to the ship, I bid farewell to the two of them, as they had decided to go for a walk around the ship. Then later, at dinner, I saw they were still together and it was clear that they had grown quite enamoured of one another.

So there you have it. I've come to the conclusion that Fate has its part to play, but it's up to the individual whether they embrace it or push it away. Had Miss Prescott not been so determined to go back to the launch and go to Madeira, perhaps Mr. Bowen would have stopped waiting outside the cabin after a time, and gone on to Madeira on his own. And maybe they would have crossed paths again on the ship and still ended up as they are at this moment, but because she faced her Fate fearlessly and with true courage, it sped things up. Fate might have a destination in mind, but we make the path or choose how we go about it. Does that make sense?

It made me think of my Fate with Underland. It brought me there twice, and I have no doubt it will bring me back again. It was my Fate to come to Underland as a child and then to come back to slay the Jabberwocky and to be the White Queen's Champion. I wonder what else Fate has in store for me in regards to Underland in the future. And what does it have in store for you, I wonder?

Once again, I feel myself missing you, Hatter. If I didn't have these letters I should be going through this feeling quite alone. I have Miss Prescott but it's not the same. She and I are becoming friends but she's not like me...or you. So sometimes I feel rather separate from everyone, at least in this world. But because I can write to you, I feel like you're with me, in a way, and I'm sharing the experiences with you. I only wish you were here in person to see it all, and to talk to me. I should like to know what you think of everything.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_Can it be that Fate was trying to tell you something today, trying to show you something? How is it that thoughts of Fate led you to thinking of Underland, and of me? Do you understand, Alice? Is it as clear to you as it is to me? _

_Keep missing me, my dear Alice, for I miss you, and knowing that you're wishing I were there with you continues to give me the hope that perhaps you __do__ feel the same way as I do, whether you know it or not._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

26 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

We're back at sea now. We set sail again last night after dinner and now we're heading towards the Cape of Storms. I think I can already feel the seas getting rougher. Miss Prescott, despite feeling a bit ill, chose not to remain in her cabin but instead spent the day with her Mr. Bowen, as I now think of him.

I'm in a funny mood tonight. Seeing Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen together makes me happy, but I suppose I feel a bit lonely. I can't believe I just told you that. I'm usually very private about my feelings, but whenever I think of you I feel a sense of trust, a strange feeling of confidence that you somehow understand me. I don't know why that is, just that it is. So, yes, I'll admit it. I feel lonely tonight, and a bit melancholy. Do you feel lonely too sometimes?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I feel lonely all the time, especially since we're apart. Do you even know how you feel about me? I think you feel the special connection between us, but you haven't quite figured out what I already know to be true. _

_Do you know what that truth is, my dear Alice?_

_Take special care as you travel through that Cape of Storms. I worry about you so, but if Absolem told you that you'll be safe, then you will be._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

27 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen are getting closer and closer. They're quite attached to each other and spend all their free time together. I didn't want to intrude on their blossoming romance so I kept to myself today though I did join them for a game of cards after dinner at their invitation. They were both quite welcoming of my company so perhaps my concern about being in the way and disturbing them was wrong. Still, I'm going to probably keep to myself and let Miss Prescott have her time with Mr. Bowen.

I spent the day reading mostly and I took a nap this afternoon because I was bored and didn't know what else to do with myself. Honestly, I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this long stretch at sea. It was bad enough just enduring the stretch to Madeira and this is going to be almost three times as long. We still have at least two more weeks to go before we get to Cape Town, if not longer. The thought is quite depressing.

Forgive me. I don't want to write letters to you where all I do is complain about how horrid things are. Perhaps I'll cheer up tomorrow.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I don't want you to worry about the content of your letters to me. You should write about how you feel or about whatever you like. I don't think you're complaining. I think you're miserable and trying to figure out how to make do with your current situation. I'm just sorry that things are so horrid. It breaks my heart to know you're so unhappy._

_Hopefully today will be a better day (your tomorrow is my today so hopefully you're finding it to be better than yesterday at least). I wish more than anything that I could be there to cheer you up._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

28 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

I've discovered the secret to making things more bearable - keeping busy. I spent a good portion of my day working with Lord Ascot and that helped considerably. He could see what a hard time I'm having adjusting to life at sea so he gave me a lot to do and told me what I just told you, that the trick is to keep busy, as much as I can. He also told me he was certain that I'll get used to how slow things are while we're at sea and then it won't be so bad.

So that's what I'll do. I'm going to keep myself occupied with work as much as I can. Lord Ascot really is kind. I suspect he's giving me work to do just for the sake of it which I greatly appreciate, because it's out of kindness and compassion, and I know he's not simply patronising me.

I played cards again with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen after dinner. They made it clear that they wanted me to join them and that they enjoyed my company so it was nice. They're as bored as I am being at sea and they said we must make it an evening ritual to play some cards or find other amusements to entertain us every night after dinner.

How are you? I keep prattling on and on about myself, probably boring you to tears with the last several letters and all my whinging about everything that's going on (or not going on, in this case), but since you can't write back to me I figured I can't quite ask things about you and your life and get an answer. Nevertheless, I shall ask you anyway because if you could write back to me, I'd be asking you loads of questions. I want to know everything about you, my dear Hatter. I want to know about your history, and your past and present.

It's odd now that I think about that, because I feel so close and connected to you, yet really, I know almost nothing about your life. From this moment on, I shall pretend when I'm writing to you that you can answer me.

Oh! That gives me an idea! Even though you can't answer them, I'm going to ask you questions, things I wonder about you. What do you think of that? Do you like that idea? I'll make it our nightly ritual, during the times when I'm at sea. And perhaps you could keep these letters and when I come back to Underland we can read them together and you can answer all the questions in person.

So, let's get started, shall we?

1. What was your childhood like? I'm very curious about it. Do you have any brothers or sisters? And what of your parents? What is your mother like? Your father?

2. How old are you exactly? My memories of coming to Underland as a child are quite nebulous but from what I do remember, you seemed to be an adult then, at least to my eyes...yet you don't seem that much older than me now. How very strange that is, now that I think of it. Do people age differently in Underland?

3. What's your favourite colour? I can't say what mine is, because it changes, depending on my mood. I love the colour blue a great deal but secretly I also like the colour pink. It's a very feminine colour, and so many girls love it so much that I keep it a secret because I wouldn't want anyone to ever think I'm silly like other girls. Though, I'm not really a girl any longer, am I? I grew up when I was in Underland this last time. What we all went through changed me and forced me to grow up. I fought in a war and I slayed the Jabberwocky. After all that, and now with my experiences working as an apprentice with the Company, I feel I'm not a girl anymore. I'm a woman. A young woman, but still a woman, nonetheless.

I think I'll stick to three questions at a time, so that's it for now.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm glad to see you're feeling a bit better and that you're finding a way to make your times at sea more bearable._

_What a lovely idea! I like the thought of us having our own nightly ritual (or at least nightly for you). And I'm happy to see you're answering your own questions too. I want to get to know you as much as you want to get to know me and this is a splendid way to do that. It's brilliant!_

_Here are my answers to your questions:_

_1. My childhood was rather lonely. I have no brothers or sisters. My mother died when I was very young, and as I wrote in one of my previous letters, I wasn't very close to my father, though we did share a love for hat-making and we worked together when I was older. I have no family living now. It's just me._

_2. I don't know how old I am. You're quite right, we age differently here in Underland._

_3. Just like you, my favourite colour changes, depending on my mood. My least favourite colour is probably red, but that's because of the Red Queen. You wore a red, white and black dress at her castle and looked so very beautiful in it, so red isn't all bad. And yes, obviously I agree, you're no longer a girl. You're most definitely a woman. I have to say, I find it rather interesting that you mentioned such a thing and made a point of bringing that to my attention. Is it because you want me to see you as a woman, just like you've begun to see me as a man?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Three**

29 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

I spent another day keeping busy with work for the Company, and just like last night, I joined Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen after dinner for several rounds of cards.

Did you like my idea about asking you questions? I hope so because I have three new ones for you!

1. Besides making hats and having tea parties, what do you like to do? Do you enjoy reading? If so, I shall have to give you some of my favourite books to read when I come back. I'm currently reading a book called "Little Women" by an American author called Louisa May Alcott. It's a lovely story, one of my very favourites. I wonder if you'd like it. There's a female character in it called Jo March, who I greatly admire in particular.

2. If you could be someone else for just a day - tomorrow, for example - who would you be? I'd be Absolem. Then I could visit you in Underland and we could talk and I could finally hear what you think of everything...about my letters and all the things I've written to you, about what you've been doing these past several months, and other things.

3. What is your favourite holiday? Mine is Christmas. Do you celebrate Christmas in Underland? Actually, that brings up more questions. If you do celebrate Christmas then that would mean you believe in Christ. Do you believe in God? Is there religion in Underland?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_How I love your questions and answers! They're wonderful. _

_1. I like to do anything artistic. Paint, sketch, make jewellery. I like to make dresses. You mentioned the other day how I made you that dress after I hid you in the teapot. When you come back, I shall make you a proper dress, a very special one, perhaps in pink (your secret favourite colour). Would you like that? To answer your other question, yes, I do like to read. It's one of my favourite things to do. I would love to read your favourite books, especially since they'd be from the Otherworld. I think I would find it quite interesting to read books from your world._

_2. The same as you. I would be Absolem, so I could come to the Otherworld and see you._

_3. No, we don't celebrate Christmas. What is it exactly and who is Christ? I'm not quite sure what a holiday is either. Yes, we believe in God, but we don't quite have a formal religion here, if I'm correctly understanding what religion is. How do I describe it? What we believe in is more like a knowledge of the Divine and of Fate._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

30 September 1872

Dear Hatter,

I'm starting to come up with a routine now and it's definitely making things better. I work on Company matters during the day, mostly doing paperwork, then I read a bit before dinner, then after dinner I play cards with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen. And now I have our questions! That's my favourite part of the day/night - writing to you.

So here are tonight's questions:

1. Do you dream in colour or black and white? Do you remember your dreams? I dream in colour. And I definitely remember my dreams. As a child, I dreamed about Underland all the time. I still do, though my dreams are different now. Sometimes I dream about the battle with the Jabberwocky.

2. Do you like music? Can you play an instrument? I told you in a previous letter, I can play the piano and quite enjoy it. I love music. It's one of my favourite things in the whole world.

3. Did you go to school? Are there schools in Underland?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm so happy to hear that things are getting better. But I'm especially happy to know that writing to me is your favourite part of your day/night._

_Here are my answers:_

_1. I dream in colour, and I remember my dreams much of the time. They're mostly about you._

_2. I do like music, very much. I can't play an instrument because I never learned how but I would love to learn how to play the piano._

_3. Yes, I went to school. There were schools in Underland before the Red Queen took over and destroyed everything. The White Queen is trying to begin restoring Underland to what it was before, but it shall be a long and arduous process, no doubt._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

1 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

The weather's starting to get a bit unpleasant so I"ll keep tonight's letter short and just stick with my questions.

Here they are:

1. What's your favourite thing to eat at tea? Mine is scones with strawberries and clotted cream.

2. Did you ever have an imaginary friend as a child? I did. It was a unicorn called Osha. She was lovely. Unicorns are magical creatures that don't exist in this world. Do they exist in Underland?

3. If you were to change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would like to be a more patient person, I suppose. It would certainly make my life easier. I get very frustrated much of the time.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I hope the weather isn't turning into one of those storms you talked about. I know you warned me that it could get quite bad, but you also told me that Absolem said you'd be alright so I'll try not to worry too much._

_Here are my answers to your questions:_

_1. I like scones with stawberries and clotted cream too. I also like Battenberg cakes._

_2. No, I never had an imaginary friend. But yours sounds delightful. Yes, we have unicorns here but they hide from everyone so it's very rare to actually see one._

_3. What is the one thing I would change about myself, if I could? I wouldn't be mad._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

2 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

We seem to be caught in a rather fierce storm. I can't write much more than that because it feels like the ship is about to fall apart. It's a bit frightening, I have to tell you! Lord Ascot assured us at dinner that this isn't unusual and told us not to worry but to keep to our cabins until the weather improves.

I'd write some questions if I could but it's too hard to think straight. This storm is quite something. Despite Lord Ascot's assurances, I'm scared. I'm going to call for Absolem.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I hope you're alright! I hope Absolem can help. I wish __I__ could. I wish I could be there with you and reassure you. I can't bear the thought of you being alone and scared._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

3 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

I called for Absolem last night and he told me everything would be alright, that it was just a storm and we'd be fine. I made him stay with me all last night and asked him to watch over me while I slept. He didn't protest because he could see I was scared.

I'm afraid I don't have much to write about besides the bad weather. I'd ask you some new questions but I'm feeling rather ill because of the way the ship is rocking back and forth plus it's hard to concentrate. This leg of the journey is taking forever and we still have almost two more weeks before we get to Bombay.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I hate that you're so unhappy. I wish I could do something. I'm so frustrated! I want to be there with you...or at least be able to write to you and send you my letters. You sound so depressed._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

4 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

The weather just keeps getting worse. And so does my mood. I can't wait to get to Bombay and off this ship!

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm sorry things are going so badly. It makes me feel so helpless. I would do anything to make you feel better. IForever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

5 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

The Cape of Storms is certainly living up to its name. I can't really write much more than that. The ship is rocking back and forth, making it impossible to keep my hand steady. It's also making me feel ill. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I hope you've passed the worst of it by now. I'm thinking of you too. As always._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

6 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

We're still getting hit hard by bad weather. I'll write more when things calm down. As you can probably see from my handwriting, the ship is rocking back and forth quite madly. It's quite something, but I'm almost getting used to it, at least enough to not be so scared.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I wish I were there with you. I miss you so much. And knowing you're going through such harrowing weather has me so anxious and sad._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

7 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

I'm so frustrated! The seas are so rough we can do nothing but stay put in our cabins. We're not even allowed on deck because it's too dangerous. Miss Prescott came to my cabin to visit and we tried to play cards earlier but it was so rocky it was too hard to concentrate. I'm bored but I can't even write a long letter to you or even ask you some new questions because it's too rough out, as you can see from my handwriting.

I miss talking to you, even if it is only through these letters.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm sorry it's so terrible right now. I'm as frustrated as you are. I tried to speak to Absolem today about writing to you and sending you my letters. He refuses to tell me how to do it. I feel quite angry about that. _

_It's not fair. You should know that I'm thinking of you, that I'm missing you, that I wish I were there with you. It's not fair! Why am I not allowed to write to you?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

8 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

This is awful! We're stuck in another dreadful storm and it won't let up. I can't write any more because the lurching of the ship is making me ill and I need to lay down.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_How I wish I were there with you. I would look after you. The only reason I'm not going mad with worry is because I asked Absolem about it the other day and he assured me you were safe and that the ship would be fine, despite the magnitude of the storms you're passing through._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

9 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

I can't write much because of the storm. It really is dreadful and more than a bit scary. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and missing you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm so worried about you. I hate that you're going through this. I went to see Absolem today so he could reassure me once again that you'd be alright. He told me a bit about what it was like being on the ship in such turbulent storms. It sounds absolutely terrible! I wish I were there with you, more than ever._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

10 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

The storms have lessened in strength a bit but not enough to allow me to write a long letter to you or even some new questions. The ship is still rocking back and forth too violently. The last time I saw him, Absolem promised me we'd get through this no worse for the wear. I have to wonder though. I wouldn't be surprised to see part of the ship missing after what we went through the past several days!

Forgive me for writing such tiresome letters. They're all rather the same lately, aren't they? Should I wait to write to you until I have something else to talk about? I don't want to bother you. I'd ask you some questions but honestly, I'm just too depressed right now.

I miss you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I went to see Absolem again today. I asked him to give you a message next time he visits you. I hope he does._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

11 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

Good God! It's almost over! Finally we'll be getting to Cape Town. It's beginning to seem like a dream! I can't wait to get off this ship. We should get there sometime in the middle of the night, while I'm asleep.

I called for Absolem a little while ago. He was nicer than usual. I suppose he could see how miserable I was. He even told me he saw you earlier today, when I asked him about you. He said you wanted to convey the message that you're very happy about getting my letters, no matter what they say or what they're about, and to keep writing to you. That made me happy. I was starting to worry that maybe you were finding my most recent letters annoying or thinking I was writing to you too much. I told Absolem that and he laughed at me. He's so odd sometimes, don't you think?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_So we both talked to Absolem about each other, did we? That can't be a coincidence. I'm very glad Absolem conveyed my message to you at least, even if he won't tell me how to write to you. How could you possibly think I'd be annoyed by your letters or think you were writing to me too much? I was reading your last few letters again and I seemed to see little hints of something. I'm beginning to think that you do feel something for me. Though I'm also fairly certain you're not quite aware of it. _

_Am I right? Do you feel something special towards me, something more than friendship? And if you do, what is it that holds you back from seeing the truth, my dear Alice?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

12 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

Cape Town is rather interesting. The port is quite large and very busy, in a place called Table Bay. Cape Town itself is breathtaking. There is a beautiful mountain here, called Table Mountain. The view of it from the ship is stunning. We had a tour around the city today which was exciting. I also walked along the beach there and collected some shells. I found one in particular which I picked specially for you. When I come back to Underland I shall give it to you.

It was so good to get off the ship and walk around and see some life again. For the first several hours when we were ashore I had the strangest sensation in my body. It felt like I was still rocking back and forth, as it did on the ship. We all felt it. Lord Ascot said it's a common phenomenon when you've been at sea for a long while, particularly if you've been through rocky waters and storms like the ones we experienced. I noticed Miss Prescott was actually swaying a bit. I wonder if I was too.

At the moment we're back on board the ship to sleep, but we're staying for another day, as the Company does business here. I'll be going back ashore tomorrow in the capacity of an apprentice for the Company. Lord Ascot said today I was to be a tourist, but tomorrow we get back to work.

It's been a rather long day and I'm quite exhausted. I know I promised you a longer letter, and this was a bit longer than my most recent ones, but I'm rather tired so I'm afraid this will have to do for tonight. I'll try to write a longer letter tomorrow.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm glad you finally got off the ship. No matter how much Absolem reassured me, I couldn't help but be terribly worried about you. _

_Did you really pick a shell for me from the beach in Cape Town? How very wonderful!_

_I look forward to your letter tomorrow. Write as much or as little as you want. Just keep writing me, dear Alice._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

13 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

Today was very busy. It was my first opportunity as an apprentice to see the Company doing its business in one of its trading routes. I enjoyed it. I have a head for business, I think. Or at least a vision. I'm learning so much. Some of the men we dealt with ignored me completely, because I'm a woman, which annoyed me but didn't surprise me. That's how it is here in this world, Tarrant. Women have very little power, except the Queens, I suppose. Is it like that in Underland?

What is it like now that the White Queen has regained her crown?

How I wonder what you're doing with yourself these days. Sometimes I imagine you at the castle making hats for the Queen and the Ladies of her Court. Other times I picture you having Tea with the March Hare, Mallymkun and Chessur. And then there are times when I picture you all alone. I don't know why. Are you alone? Do you miss me?

It's been such a long day and I'm so tired, my dear Hatter. We set sail just a short while ago so we're back at sea now. Hopefully it won't be as rough. I promise I shall write you a much longer letter tomorrow.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_How dare those men ignore you! Can't they see how incredibly clever you are? If the conventions of your world are that women don't do what you're doing, it stands to reason that you must be very special indeed to have been given the chance to do something that others can't. It makes me so angry to know that people are treating you that way. You might not care, you might say you're used to it or it's nothing you didn't expect...but I feel furious! How dare they!_

_I'm sorry, my dear Alice. I just had to take a walk to calm down. I feel so protective of you and I hate knowing you aren't being treated the way you deserve to be treated._

_Yes, I'm alone. And yes, I miss you. As always._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

14 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

Today was a long day, and rather boring. I know that's what it will be like whenever we're at sea. At least there aren't any storms and the weather is good. Still, it's a bit disheartening because we shall be at sea for quite awhile, as we're going straight to Bombay now. We were going to stop at another port in Africa but apparently there's urgent business waiting to be dealt with in Bombay so unfortunately there's no choice but to go. God! I'm so depressed, Tarrant. This stretch is going to be as long as the one we just went through. I could call Absolem but he'd probably get annoyed with me.

How I wish you were here. I had to leave Underland after Frabjous Day, for the reasons I explained, but it's a shame that you couldn't come back to this world with me. Then you could be here right now talking to me, sharing in this adventure. Not that it's much of an adventure at the moment. I was imagining you on board the ship today, masquerading as one of the Company men, and I couldn't help but laugh, which earned me some rather strange looks as I wasn't alone at the time. The Company men are so boring and drab and you're so you. I mean that in the best way, Tarrant. You're so interesting and extraordinary and different. There's no way you could pass yourself off as one of these dullards. Though right now I wish you could.

I'm feeling sorry for myself, aren't I? How horrid. Forgive me. I just miss you. And not because I'm bored. It's strange how I was only with you for a few days in Underland (I don't quite remember the time I was there as a child), yet I feel such a strong connection to you. Is it because we went through so much together, in such life and death circumstances, that it created a special bond between us? Perhaps, but I don't feel the same kind of bond with the others from Underland. It's different with you.

Do you feel the same, Hatter? The bond between us, I mean? I hope so or else I should feel quite silly going on about it like this. But no, I think you must feel it. Even though we're in two different worlds right now, I have this strange sense that I can feel your presence. Does that sound odd? I don't really know how to explain it. I feel you. I feel like you're missing me as I miss you. Am I right about that? How I wish you could write to me. I should like to know the answers to my questions.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_Oh God! I think I might go mad not being able to write back to you. I'm too upset to write anything else today._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

15 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

You won't believe what happened today! One of the Company men, a Mr. Radford, has taken it into his head to try to pursue me, romantically. He made his interest quite clear. And I made my lack of interest quite clear. But I don't think he took my protestations seriously. How tedious this trip will be if I have to keep avoiding him or if I have to keep trying to fend off his clumsy and unwanted attempts at wooing me. It's absurd. Honestly! He's worse than Hamish! Poor Hamish. I shouldn't have said that because Hamish at least is a nice person, I suppose, he's just not the one for me. But this Mr. Radford is...insipid. He's so lifeless. There's absolutely nothing interesting about him. Do I sound harsh? I can't help it. He just cornered me after dinner and it took considerable effort to politely get away. I have to be "nice" to a certain degree, as I have to work with him, and I don't want to get a reputation at the Company as being rude or difficult.

I have to pick my battles very carefully. It's hard enough as it is, being a woman and trying to gain their respect.

How annoying. I have a headache now so I'm off to bed.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_That Mr. Radford better stay away from you, especially since you made it clear you aren't interested. _

_I hate that it's so hard for you in your world. Why are the men so disrespectful of women there? It doesn't make any sense. I hate that you have to be "nice" and pick your battles. _

_I hate that we're apart._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

16 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

I'm hiding in my cabin right now. Mr. Radford is still bothering me. He's under the impression that I'm working at the Company as a way to find a husband. It's so incredibly insulting! I wanted to slap his face! But again, I have to be "nice" and can't respond the way I really want to.

How I wish you were here! Then we could sit here and hide out together in my cabin and I'd teach you how to play backgammon if you don't already know it, and we could play game after game until this ship gets to Bombay.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I should challenge that man to a duel. How dare he insult you that way! Don't the men there see that women have minds? I know you can fight your own battles, darling Alice, but since you have to be "nice" I could be the __not nice__ one. _

_I don't know backgammon but if you taught me I'd play as many games as you like. _

_I miss you. I wish I were there with you too._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

17 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

You won't believe this, Tarrant! That ridiculous man actually asked me to marry him today. Luckily we were alone, except for Miss Prescott being present, because I laughed in his face. I couldn't help it. It was so ludicrous I just burst out laughing and once I started, I couldn't stop. I was doubled over in hysterics. The more I thought about it, the harder I laughed. Miss Prescott came to my rescue and said I wasn't feeling well. She knows how precarious my position is as a woman working for the Company.

I hope word doesn't get out. But I don't think it will. I expect I embarrassed him and he wouldn't want anyone to know. I suppose I'll see tomorrow how this turns out.

I miss you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I admit I laughed quite hard, imagining you laughing at that man. I could just picture it. How utterly wonderful you are!_

_I miss you too._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

18 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

Mr. Radford has backed off. Finally. He's ignoring me completely now. I don't think he told anyone because no one's treating me any differently. Thank God for that! I confess, I was a bit worried.

Mr. Bowen has been very good about trying to show the other men that they need to respect me. I think he's decided to take on the role of "older brother" and he and Miss Prescott have joined forces to help things run more smoothly between me and the Company men who still resent me.

How tiresome these games I have to play are! I would love to write more to you but I feel a bit depressed right now.

I wish you were here! Can't you ask Absolem to help you come here so you could be a stowaway on the ship? I'd hide you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm very happy to hear that Mr. Radford isn't going to bother you anymore. I'm also glad that Mr. Bowen and Miss Prescott are there to help you, but it makes me angry that there are still men resenting you. Who do they think they are? And they're making you feel depressed. That makes me furious!_

_What's a stowaway? Whatever it is, if it means I could be there with you, I'd be one. _

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

**

* * *

**

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Four**

19 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

Honestly! It's getting more ridiculous by the day. Now there's a new man after me, who's even worse than Mr. Radford. He's a hideous, awful man called Mr. Stirling and he's horrid! He has the face of a pig and he laughs like a pig too. It's just so outrageous that he could think he might possibly have a chance with me. Good God! Why do men think they have the right to just pursue any woman who catches their eye? He was acting as if I should jump at the chance to be courted by him. It's disgusting.

I miss you. You're so kind and sweet and such a gentleman. I know you would never act like that pig-faced man. If you were to court someone I imagine you'd be so lovely and wonderful. Are you courting anyone? Is it wrong of me to hope you're not?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I have such mixed feelings right now! I can tell you feel something for me and that makes me happy. And yet the thought of these men lusting after you makes me jealous, even though I know you don't like them._

_How long will it be until you come back, Alice?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

20 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

Absolem just left. I was so upset I had to call for him.

That despicable pig-faced man made an advance on me. He caught me on the deck while I was alone and had the gall to kiss me! And this time I did what I wanted to do. I slapped his face. I told Lord Ascot what happened and he's quite angry with the pig man and says he shall be let go the moment we reach Bombay. I am praying that Lord Ascot is the only one who will ever know about this. If it got out, my reputation could be ruined. How dare that man do this to me! I'm so livid, I'm shaking.

My dear, sweet Hatter. When I think of you, especially in comparison to these abhorrent creatures, I miss you so much.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_When I first read your letter I was so angry I wanted to kill that man. I had to take a long walk before I calmed down enough to come back and write this to you. How dare he touch you in such a way! The thought of him kissing you and forcing himself on you like that makes me sick. If that pig-faced man does anything to ruin your reputation, I promise, I shall find a way to the Otherworld and I will destroy him!_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

21 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

I wish I could write more to you but I'm too depressed. I hate being on this ship. I have to hide in my cabin to avoid everyone. I don't think anyone knows what happened last night but I don't want to run into anyone right now. How tired I am of this bloody world!

Yes, I swore. Forgive me, sweet Tarrant. But then, I heard you say that word enough. Thinking of it now, I'm smiling. "Down with the bloody Big Head!" But instead I'd say "Down with the bloody Pig Head!" I wish I could speak Outlandish. When I come back to Underland, will you teach it to me?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_"Down with the bloody Pig Head!" That made me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe! _

_My poor darling Alice. How I hate what you are going through. I wish you would just come back here now. But I know you. You will stick it out and endure because you're brave and determined and you won't let anything stop you. I admire you for it. That quality is one of the things I love most about you._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

22 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

I don't know if you are aware of it, but if you look at the date at the top of this letter you'll see it's been exactly six months since I last saw you. So today I find myself missing you quite terribly. I wish you were here. I wish you were here to play cards with me or backgammon, or really, just to talk to me. That's what I miss most. I imagine you talking to me when I write to you. Have I told you that before? I can still hear your voice so clearly and I can still see your face, especially your eyes. Your sad eyes. I dreamed about you last night. You were looking at me and you looked so sad. It was awful.

Please don't be sad, my sweet Hatter. I promise, I'll be back in Underland before you know it, just like I told you on Frabjous Day before I disappeared. I told you that six months ago and meant it, and I am telling you again. I will come back, as soon as I can. I wish I could come back now but I have to see this venture through first. It's something I have to do. You understand, don't you?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I do understand, but it doesn't make it any less difficult._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

23 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

It should take about one more week until we get to Bombay. I can't wait! Lord Ascot told me that Pig Face has been let go and will no longer be working for the Company, and I heard from Mr. Bowen that Mr. Radford shall be one of the men staying on in India to handle the trade routes there. Isn't that just marvelous!

I miss you. I want to talk to you in person. I want you to talk to me. I miss hearing your voice and all your accents. Why won't Absolem let you write to me?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_How you make me laugh! You're quite funny, you know. _

_I miss you too. _

_I don't know why. He won't say anything except that it will interfere with your life in the Otherworld. But it's not fair, because you __want__ me to write to you! Next time I see him I'll put him in a jar until he tells me how I can send you my letters. No, I wouldn't really do that. I'm only jesting. I suppose we can't really blame Absolem. If he says I can't write to you there has to be good reason even if we don't understand it or like it. I'm just frustrated._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

24 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

Now that all the dramas that happened with Mr. Radford and the Pig Man seem to be over, I just realised I haven't asked you any of my questions during this particular stretch at sea. And I didn't ask any during the last one after we went through all those storms.

I miss asking you my questions! It was supposed to be our nightly ritual. So I shall start over and begin the ritual all over again.

Tonight's questions:

1. What is your greatest fear? After facing down the Jabberwocky, I don't fear much anymore, so at the moment I'd have to say my greatest fear would be that Absolem has been lying to me and you aren't really getting my letters. Do you think that's silly?

2. What magical ability would you most like to have? Mine would be to fly. How wonderful that would be!

3. Are you a morning person or a night person? I'm both, I would say.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I'm glad the dramas are over and you're back to asking me your questions. I missed them too!_

_Here are my answers:_

_1. My greatest fear is that you won't come back here. _

_2. Mine would be to pop back and forth between here and the Otherworld, like Absolem can. Then I could see you whenever I want._

_3. I like both the morning and night so I can't pick one over the other._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

25 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

More questions!

1. What is the furthest you've ever been from home? For me, right where I am at this moment. At sea, between Cape Town and Bombay. Or would it be Underland?

2. Who named you? Your mother or your father? My father is the one who suggested the name Alice, though my mother was happy with it as well.

3. Besides English and Outlandish, are there any other languages you can speak? I can speak fluent French, which I think I mentioned before in a previous letter. I know a few words and phrases in some other languages but I'm only fluent in English and French. Will you teach me how to speak Outlandish?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_1. The furthest I've ever been from home? Hmmm. I suppose Marmoreal, as it's on the opposite side of Underland. But I've been to the Outlands as well. It's right next to Witzend but you have to cross a range of mountains to get there. After the Red Queen took control of Underland, I helped groups of people get there whenever I could. We had very few choices then: escape to the Outlands or stay and risk getting captured or beheaded._

_2. I think it was my mother who named me Tarrant. Do you like my name? I like yours. Alice is a beautiful name. Though you're Lady Alice now. I wonder how you'll feel about that when you find out._

_3. No, there aren't any other languages spoken here, just English and Outlandish. I'll teach you Outlandish if you teach me how to speak French. Well, I'll teach you how to speak Outlandish anyway, but I should like to learn French. Would you teach it to me?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

26 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

Tonight's questions:

1. What do you value most in a person? My answer: kindness, open-mindedness, honesty, intelligence, loyalty, a sense of humour, strong morals, courage, selflessness, compassion, originality, creativity. (I think you possess all of those qualities.)

2. Do you know how to swim? I do. I like it. There's a pond near our house in London and I used to go swimming there a lot.

3. Have you ever written a poem? Do you enjoy poetry? I do and I've written lots of poems. Maybe one day I'll share one with you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_1. I value the same things that you do in a person. How sweet you are to tell me you think I possess all those qualities. So do you, you know. You possess all those qualities. And so much more._

_2. Yes, I know how to swim. My mother died by drowning so my father insisted I learn. I used to be scared of it but when I got older, the memory of my mother dying that way faded and I started to enjoy it more. Though I haven't gone swimming in quite awhile._

_3. I haven't written any poems lately, not since I was a child in school. But I'd write a poem for you, if you like, though I don't know if I'd be any good at it. Maybe I'll give it a try and see._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

27 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

1. What is your most prized possession? Mine is a photograph of my father.

2. Who was the last person you hugged? My answer: My mother.

3. What's the last thing you thought about before you went to sleep last night? My answer: You, obviously! I wished my letter to you in Underland, then went to bed.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_1. My most prized possession? My hat, of course!_

_2. I can't remember. My mother? The Tweedle boys, to comfort them?_

_3. Same answer. You. You're the last thing I think about before I sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake. And you're on my mind all the time between._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

28 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

1. Do you think dreams are messages from God or Fate or something higher than the worlds we live in? I do, though I can't always figure out what the message is.

2. Have you ever been drunk? I confess, I actually did get quite tipsy once, but it was an accident! The drink in question was champagne and I didn't know it would affect me so strongly.

3. Which do you like better - sunrise or sunset? My answer: Sunset.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_1. Yes, I do believe our dreams have messages in them, though like you, I can't always figure out what they are._

_2. I can only imagine how adorable you must have been when you got tipsy. Yes, I've been drunk before, although, I confess, it wasn't an accident. I got drunk on purpose. It was after the Red Queen got control of the crown. I was terribly upset so I drank a whole bottle of wine by myself. But then I got quite sick, so believe me, I wouldn't ever do something like that again. _

_3. Same as you. Sunset. How strangely alike we are, Alice! I see it more and more with each and every letter. It's rather uncanny. And quite wonderful!_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

29 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

1. What is your favourite memory of me when I was last in Underland? My favourite memory of you is watching you Futterwacken. You looked so happy. I think it was the happiest I'd ever seen you.

2. Have you Futterwackened (is that the right way to put it) lately? Will you teach me how to do it? I wonder if you know any of the dances we do in this world, like the Quadrille or the Waltz. I admit, I find the Quadrille rather tedious, though if you knew the Waltz, I should love to dance it with you.

3. What is the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning? My answer: You, because I always check to see if my letter to you is gone from my writing desk.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_1. My favourite memory of you is the way you looked at me in the hat-making room at the Red Queen's castle after you made it clear you wouldn't leave without me and said we'd go to the White Queen's castle together._

_2. No, I haven't Futterwackened, not since after the battle on Frabjous Day. But yes, when you come back, I shall teach it to you. I love to dance! I don't know the Quadrille but I do know the Waltz. How utterly glorious it would be to dance the Waltz with you!_

_3. You. You asked a similar question before, but it was what my last thought was before going to sleep. The answer is you. Always._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

30 October 1872

Dear Hatter,

We should be arriving in Bombay sometime before dawn. So tomorrow I'll be free again! I'm very excited to see Bombay. I've heard so much about it. It's supposed to be quite amazing and exotic and so very different from anywhere I've ever been. I'll get you a present there.

How wonderful it would be if you were here and we could see Bombay together. What an adventure we would have! Can't you ask the White Queen if she can get you here to the Otherworld somehow?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I would love to see Bombay with you. _

_No, my sweet Alice, I'm afraid the Queen can't help us. _

_At least you seem to miss me as much as I miss you. That gives me some comfort._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

_My dearest Alice,_

_I didn't get a letter today. I don't think a day has passed since you started writing to me that you haven't sent me a letter. I'm worried about you. Is everything alright? Are things going well in Bombay? Are you ill? Or did you just not feel like writing to me last night? I wish I knew what was going on._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I didn't get a letter again today. I'm so worried! What's going on?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

_My dearest Alice,_

_Three days have passed since I've received a letter from you. _

_I was so scared, thinking all sorts of things, some of them quite mad, to be honest. But then Absolem came to me today and told me what was happening. I'm glad to know you miss writing to me as much as I miss getting your letters, and glad to know you were so distressed about not being able to write to me that you called for Absolem and begged for him to give me your message._

_How long are you going to be in Bombay? And how long will you have a chaperone staying in the room with you? Perhaps you could still write to me and then hide the letters each night under a book or something like that, so your chaperone won't see that it's missing in the morning when you wake. When Absolem was here I told him to tell you that idea the next time he saw you. He snorted at me and said once again that he's not our personal emissary. But I did see something in his eyes. A sort of amusement, perhaps. I think you said you saw something like that too, the last time he got vexed with us for sending messages to each other through him._

_I miss you so much, my darling Alice. I miss hearing about your life and your adventures, even though your most recent adventures on the ship had to do with men treating you wrongly and it made me so angry I wanted to challenge them all to a duel. _

_I wish I were there with you._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

* * *

3 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

How I've missed you! You have no idea how much! I didn't realise how attached I've gotten to writing to you until I was put in a situation where I couldn't do so. I called for Absolem today and asked him to give a message to you explaining why I haven't written to you these past few days, then he came back later and said he'd relayed the message to you. I was so happy to hear you had a message for me in return because now I know that you missed getting my letters as much as I missed writing them to you. I'm writing this tonight while my Bombay chaperone, a rather grim woman called Mrs. Grey, a name that quite suits her, is out. Then I shall hide it under one of my books, like you suggested, and wish it to you in Underland with all my heart. I so hope it works.

I've missed talking to you, my sweet Hatter, telling you all about what's going on, and about my mad adventures! Bombay is amazing, even though I have to share quarters here with a chaperone, which I find most annoying. I never thought I'd actually miss the ship, but at least there I had my own cabin all to myself. It wouldn't be so bad if my chaperone were Miss Prescott but there's some rather big news to tell you.

I imagine you can already guess what it is. Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen are engaged! I'm very happy for her, for them both. They're so deliriously happy and in love. It's beautiful to see. Though I'll confess, it does make me feel a bit wistful and a bit lonely. Why is it I admit such deep secrets to you? I would never tell anyone else such a personal, private thing. But it's you I'm talking to, and you're special. Whenever I'm writing to you I feel like you're right here with me and it makes me happy. I imagine that I'm sitting here telling you everything in person and we're together, talking and laughing and both getting outraged over some of the things that happened on the ship.

Speaking of which, I haven't seen much of Mr. Radford since we got to Bombay. He's avoiding me as studiously as I'm avoiding him, and he'll be off to other parts of India soon to handle some of the trading business here. The pig-faced man, Mr Stirling, was let go and we haven't seen him since we got off the ship. Thankfully, no one knows what really happened that caused him to be let go from his employment with the Company (other than Miss Prescott, Mr. Bowen and Lord Ascot, and they're all discreet).

So...let me tell you about Bombay. We're staying at a very nice hotel which the Company owns since we do most of our trading here. It's very exotic and the colours are so vivid and striking. I love the style of everything. It speaks to me for some reason. My room here is quite lovely although Mrs. Grey's presence makes it gloomy. Honestly, I don't see why I can't have a room to myself! It's so ridiculous. I was going on about it to Absolem and he laughed at me and called me spoiled, but then Mrs. Grey came in while he was visiting and he stayed for a bit, hiding behind a plant, to see what she was like. After she left he admitted she was rather funereal in manner and then he started talking like her, imitating her rather perfectly, and we had quite a laugh over it. He can be so funny sometimes. He always likes to act so stern, but really I think Absolem is nicer than he lets on. He can be very gentle and reassuring, like he was with me when the pig man made that advance on me and I was so upset. And he has relayed our messages to each other, even if he likes to scowl and grumble at me about not being our personal emissary. How he loves to say that!

Oh no! Mrs. Grey has just come in so I shall have to cut this letter short. I don't want to write to you when she's around, my dear Tarrant. She casts a pall over everything. I wish you were here. I wish you could be my chaperone. I just laughed after I wrote that and Mrs. Grey is staring at me now as if I've gone mad. I laughed because you being my chaperone could never be even remotely possible. I would have to have a chaperone just to be alone in this room with you, even for a few minutes. Isn't that silly? But how fun it would be to break the rules, just you and me, hiding out here, hiding from the dreadful Mrs. Grey!

She just told me she wants to go to sleep and asked me to finish up so I can put the lights out. You see how horrid she is? I haven't written to you in days and I miss you so much and wanted to write a really long letter telling you all about Bombay but she's sitting on her bed staring at me disapprovingly. Honestly! She's so oppressive. I can feel her eyes on my back. How annoying! I shall write to you tomorrow, no matter what. I won't let anything stop me.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I love when you call me Tarrant. Did you know that? No, of course you don't. You wouldn't, would you? You never even knew that was my name when you were here. But it's so very nice when you call me that, rather than Hatter. The only ones here in Underland who call me Tarrant are Chessur and Absolem. Everyone else calls me Hatter. But secretly I don't really like being called that. It's what I __do__. It's not my name. It's a bit like calling someone Footman all the time. Do you know what I mean?_

_I was so happy to get your letter, my sweet Alice. You miss me. As I miss you. I can tell you care for me and that makes me so happy. Yet I still think you don't quite know it. There's an innocence about your longing to be with me and have me there with you. You don't understand what it is you really feel, do you? I don't mind it though. I know you'll see it one day and then hopefully you'll come back to me soon and we can be together._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

4 November 1782

Dear Hatter,

The letter I wrote to you last night was gone this morning so even though I covered it up and hid it beneath my book, it must have worked and gotten to you. I shall have to ask Absolem the next time I see him, to make sure. (I'm sure he'll love that!) But for now, I'll assume that you got it. I'm so very glad I can write to you again. It felt terribly lonely not talking to you, my dear Tarrant. That Mrs. Grey! I shouldn't have let her get in the way like that. But now I know I can write to you then hide the letters and you'll still get them so I'm happy again.

So...Bombay. It's one of the most exciting port cities in the world. Since the British took over it's become a rather rich merchant community, mainly focused on the cotton and textile industries. When we saw the view of it from the ship I was speechless. It's so beautiful. At the harbour, the view looking out is even more sublime. The islands you can see dotted around the Arabian Sea seem to sparkle. It's incredible.

But the city of Bombay is such a place of contrasts. There's so much beauty here, so much wealth and luxury and such an amazing richness of culture, yet at the same time there's such ugliness. There are so many poor people here, and so many young children who are beggars. Very young children. I gave out a lot of money to them my first day until I was told not to. I was told that they were professionals. But they're just children! It's quite heartbreaking and so sad, Tarrant. I imagine you'd feel as sad I do if you saw them. London has some very squalid parts where things are bleak and very poor, but it's a different kind of poverty and squalor here. It's really devastating and it's so terrible to see. People in rags, looking in the streets and in the gutters and in the rubbish for food and other necessities that they so sorely lack.

Like England, there are very distinct classes here. There are so many castes and tribes, it's hard to keep them straight but let's see what I can remember:

The Parsees, who are a big part of the merchant community here in Bombay, involved in the shipbuilding and shipping industries, the textile industry and other forms of trade. The people are very devoted to charity and philanthropy and the well being of others in their community, building schools, hospitals, orphanages, factories, fire temples and that kind of thing. They seem to be quite happy with the modernism of the British colonial rule here in Bombay and the most adapted of the Indian people to it.

The Pathans, who are warriors and are rather intimidating. Their women are forced to observe what is called Pardah, which means they have to cover themselves completely with cloth, only showing their eyes. They seem to be slaves to the men, at least to my mind. I can't even imagine how awful their lives must be.

The Brahmins, who are mostly educators, scholars and priests of the Hindu religion. They teach the Vedas (which are sacred texts consisting of Sanskrit hymns and mantras that are believed to be divine knowledge revealed by the gods to ancient sages).

The Tamils, who are very involved in farming and agriculture and the plantation economy where they mostly produce coffee, tea, coconut oil and cinnamon. The plantations are on an island called Ceylon, which we'll be visiting after Bombay. The Tamils are also artisans (they make the most beautiful saris, which are the dresses that the women wear, made of such lovely fabrics), woodworkers and fishermen.

Then there are the Harijans (who are also called the "Untouchables"). They're the people who are outside the caste system and have the lowest social status. They call themselves the Dalits. Those of higher castes consider the Harijans beneath them, as they see their occupations as ritually impure (jobs having to do with leatherwork, butchering, or removal of rubbish, waste or animal remains. The "Untouchables" work as manual labourers, cleaning the streets, latrines, and sewers. They're in such a horrible situation, as they're treated as the lowest of the low and are victims of terrible social discrimination and harsh restrictions from the others here. They aren't permitted to worship in the temples, nor are they allowed water from the same sources. Those of higher castes refuse to interact with them. If someone of a higher caste comes into any kind of contact with a Harijan, the member of the higher caste is considered tainted, and has to bathe thoroughly to be cleansed and purged of the 'impurity' of the defilement. Because of all that, the squalor and poverty the Harijans are forced to live in is especially severe. It's quite sad.

But let me talk about something more pleasant. The clothes these various castes of people all wear are so extraordinary, so different! I think you would love the fabrics and textiles here. I've been to the markets and visited the stalls where there are so many lovely and amazing things being sold. It's all wonderful. But the beautiful fabrics! They're truly glorious. How I should love to go with you to one of the markets and show you everything. I can imagine you all wide-eyed with wonder.

That makes me think about your eyes. I've never seen such green eyes like yours. And the way they change colour. It's so very interesting and unique. As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about how incredibly expressive your eyes are and remembering how they looked when we said goodbye on Frabjous Day. Now I feel sad. I am coming back, you know. I have these things I want to do with the Company but then I shall come back to Underland. I promise. I miss it, even though it was so violent and frightening at times. Most of all, I miss you. Why did you have to look so sad when I had to leave? It haunts me. I should have grabbed your hands after I drank the Jabberwocky blood and maybe you would have come back to this world with me. Would you have liked that? Do you wish you were here with me?

Oh dear. Mrs. Grey has returned, looking as sour as ever. She just asked me how long I'll be. She wants to go to sleep. I'm not even that tired but now I shall have to put the lights out. Why can't you be my chaperone? Then we could stay up late and play backgammon or cards or whatever games you might like to play in Underland. I'd love for you to teach me what they are. Or even better, we could have a lovely little tea party right here in the room, just us. No Mallymkun! I wouldn't mind the March Hare joining us as I quite like him. Mallymkun hates me though. So I think it shall have to be just you and me for our tea party, Tarrant. I imagine the March Hare must be quite busy, too busy to come.

Good heavens! How rude Mrs. Grey is! I have to go now, my sweet Hatter, as she is being very unpleasant and wants to go to sleep this instant, apparently.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_Oh God, do you know how much it kills me to be apart from you? All your talk about my eyes and how you wish you had grabbed my hands and taken me with you to the Otherworld. I would give anything to be there. _

_Now every time I have tea, I shall think of you wishing we were together in your room having a tea party, just us. Do you even know how romantic that is? And how adorable you are in your sweet innocence?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant _

_

* * *

_

5 November 1782

Dear Hatter,

Mrs. Grey is here so I can't relax and enjoy writing a nice long letter to you. She's feeling unwell and can't leave the room. How tiresome. It's giving me a terrible headache. I miss you. I'll write more tomorrow.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_How I loathe your Mrs. Grey! I can see she puts you in a downcast mood, my darling Alice. I wish I could hug you. No, I wish I could hold you. And kiss you._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

6 November 1782

Dear Hatter,

I must have caught whatever Mrs. Grey has because I'm unwell too now. And I'm stuck with her here in this room, feeling sick and rather miserable. My head hurts and I feel dizzy. I wish you were here. Would you hold my hand and make me feel better? I can take care of myself but I wouldn't mind you looking after me when I feel this horrid. You're so very sweet and gentle. Would you lay down next to me and just hold my hand?

I can't write any more tonight, sweet Tarrant. My eyes have gone all blurry.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_I think you must be quite ill and I'm worried about you. You sounded delirious in that last letter. I can't imagine you would have written what you did if you weren't. Though I'm glad you wrote it. Yes, I'd lay down next to you and I'd hold your hand. But I think what you'd rather prefer is for me to hold you in my arms. And I'd rather do that too._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

7 November 1782

My dear sweet Tarrant,

I feel so sick but I had to write to you because I miss you so terribly. I'm too sick to write any more.

Goodnight, my darling Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_Oh my sweet angel, I know now you must be very sick indeed, for you didn't call me Hatter at all, you called me your dear sweet Tarrant and your darling Tarrant. I'm glad to know you think of me that way but I hate that you're so ill and that it takes you being ill to tell me what's really in your heart._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

__

**** A/N: If you are wondering how Tarrant was able to ascertain that three days had passed without his receiving a letter from Alice and you also noticed that those three days stayed in sync with the Otherworld, it's because Absolem was with Alice in the Otherworld during those three days. As long as the connection stays tangible between Underland and the Otherworld, time between the two worlds is in sync.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

* * *

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Five**

8 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

I have some kind of fever and Mrs. Grey is gone because I'm in quarantine. Absolem is here with me right now. He told me I would feel better if I wrote to you and he's always right. I feel horribly ill but writing to you, thinking of you, it really does make me feel better.

My sweet, lovely Tarrant, I feel so sick. I wish you were here with me. Why can't Absolem bring you to me? I just asked him that and he smiled and shook his head. Doesn't he realise I'd be all better if you were here? I want to write more but I'm too weak right now and my head hurts so very much.

Goodnight, my sweet Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_Absolem just left. I'm so worried about you. Why is he so amused by our unhappiness at being apart? It's not funny! It's excruciating! He said you'll be fine in a few days but I'm going mad, being stuck here in Underland while you're there, so sick and wanting me with you._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

9 November 1782

My darling Tarrant,

I feel so awful. I'm so ill and my head hurts and I can't think straight. I've been laying on my bed crying, missing you. I dreamed you were here and thought it was real but then I realised it was just a dream, and I cried and cried. I think I must love you. Am I dreaming that I'm writing this? My head feels so fuzzy.

* * *

_My dearest Alice,_

_This is torture. It's killing me. And the worst part is, I have a feeling you won't remember any of these letters you've written to me while you've been so sick and delirious with fever. But I know the truth at least. You love me. And I love you. So much it hurts._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

My beautiful Tarrant,

Please, you must hurry and come to me. Where are you? I need you here with me. Don't you understand, Tarrant? I need you to hold me. I'm so very sick. I think the doctor was lying to me. I think I'm dying. And if I'm to die, I want to die in your arms, my sweet love. I want your beautiful green eyes to be the very last thing I see and I need you to kiss me before I die and to hold me in your arms as I expire and fade away.

I love you so much, Tarrant. I don't want to die! We're supposed to be together forever! I know because something came to me in the dark and whispered it to me in my ear and told me. We're supposed to be together forever!

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Oh God, I can't bear it! I __have__ to find a way to you! I'm frantic with worry now, after getting these two letters today. I called for Absolem and told him what you wrote - well not exactly what you wrote as it was private and between you and me - but he won't take me to you! I lost control and went quite mad, my love, shouting and breaking everything in sight, and he told me to calm down and said you would be alright, then he left. He's off to see you now. He said he's going to look after you. He promised you would get better soon and said that you're just delirious with fever but you sound so desperate and so sick and your letter was covered in tears. _

_My sweet angel, please don't die! You can't! I love you so much. I shouldn't want to go on living without you. We __are__ supposed to be together forever! I know it. Please, please don't leave me!_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

10 November 1782

My sweet Tarrant,

Absolem is here and he told me I'm not really dying but I don't believe him. He's lying, just like the doctor. And he won't bring you to me! How can he be so cruel, Tarrant?

I need you, my love. You must come to me! I shall try to hold on until you find your way to me and then I can at least die in your arms. I love you. I need you. I'll wait for you but you must hurry.

* * *

_My angel,_

_I don't think I've ever been so miserable. Absolem came back to see me and reassure me once again that you're just delirious and not really dying. He said you're so sick you've had to go to Hospital. I didn't know what that is but he tried to explain it to me. He said you're convinced you're going to die because the fever is making you hysterical and it's making your mind addled but that you'll be fine in a few days. I want to believe him! I have to, or else I shall go mad! He always knows the truth, but even so, what if he's wrong this time? _

_I love you so much, Alice! Please get better!_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

11 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

I'm in Hospital right now. I don't know what happened. I can't remember the past few days. I've been so sick. Absolem is here with me. He told me I collapsed and the doctor found me on the floor and that's how I ended up here in Hospital. I'm still feeling ill but from what Absolem told me, I'm much better now in comparison to how I was before. Apparently I was quite feverish and very, very sick.

I asked about you. I was so worried you hadn't heard from me so I asked and he told me I did write to you. I don't remember though. He said you were quite worried about me. But I'm going to be fine, dear Tarrant. The fever broke a little while ago and the doctor said they'll probably be letting me go back to the hotel in a day or so. I hate being in Hospital. I wish you were here. I miss you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm so happy that you're better and that Absolem was right and it's true you're not really going to die. I was so terrified, until I got your most recent letter. You sound much better and far more lucid. Your delirium was quite frightening, even though you wrote so many beautiful things and told me what's truly in your heart. But I have to admit, as happy as I am that you're going to be alright, I'm very sad too, my angel. _

_It's just as I feared. You don't remember writing to me. You don't remember telling me that you wanted to die with me holding you in my arms. And worst of all, you don't remember telling me that you love me and need me and that we're supposed to be together forever. But I do. And it's breaking my heart that you've forgotten it all. _

_Forgive all the tears on this letter, my love. I'll be alright. You'll remember again, won't you? That's the one thing I keep telling myself and I have to believe it._ _You do love me. You just don't remember. But you'll remember again because that's what's truly in your heart. Hurry and remember, my sweet Alice._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

12 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

I'm still in Hospital but they should be letting me out tomorrow if I stay as I am. I feel much better now. Lord Ascot came to visit, along with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen, and they all said they had been dreadfully worried about me, especially after discovering that I had been found unconscious on the floor. I gave them quite a scare, they said.

It makes me wonder what I wrote to you. Absolem is still with me, hiding out whenever people come into the room, but he won't tell me much, as usual. He just said you knew I was very sick and that you had been terribly worried about me too, which I thought was so sweet. I'm sorry I worried you, dear Tarrant. But be assured, I'm fine now. I just miss you and wish you were here. Being in Hospital is so horrid.

When I get back to the hotel, I'm to have a different room. That means no more Mrs. Grey! Miss Prescott said she is going to be my chaperone again, which is lovely. She'll be busy with her Mr. Bowen so I can write to you without interruption and no Mrs. Grey to tell me to turn out the lights!

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm trying very hard not to be sad, even though you called me Hatter and you've forgotten that you love me. At least you still miss me and wish I were there with you. And you're still promising to come back to me. _

_Come back soon, Alice. I'll wait for you, as long as it takes._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

13 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

Finally I'm out of Hospital! My new room at the hotel is even more beautiful than the other one was and Miss Prescott, who is now insisting I call her by her given name (Eleanor), is being so nice. She and I had a long chat today. Her plan is to remain on as my chaperone for the duration of the trip (until we return to London), as Mr. Bowen will be with us the whole way and they want to stay together. So it works out perfectly!

She's so funny. Now that she's in love, she wants everyone to be matched up. She asked me if I had a special someone at home and I told her about Hamish and the infamous rejected proposal. Then she asked if there was anyone I might have in my life who is special to me. I must admit, I thought of you and told her there was. You are special to me. But you know that. I've never met anyone like you, my dear Hatter. You're different. And we went through so much together in Underland and have that special bond between us. Don't we?

I don't know why I'm telling you this. I should feel very embarrassed if you didn't feel the bond between us as I do and you think me silly. But I think you do feel it. Otherwise you wouldn't have worried about me so much when I was sick. And you wouldn't have told Absolem to tell me you missed my letters and wanted me to keep writing to you. So I imagine you must care about me. Of course you must! After all, you wanted me to stay, didn't you? And you looked so sad when I told you I had to leave.

I miss you. I think I say that in every letter I write to you, but it's true. Sometimes I think you might be the only one who could possibly understand me. I felt that way when we were going through everything in Underland, even though things were so mad and we were in so much danger, and I feel it even more now. I'm so alone in this world, Tarrant. But I think of you and then I don't feel so alone. Do you feel that way too?

Miss Prescott is here in the room with me as I'm writing this. We had an important Company dinner this evening that went on for hours until it got rather late so she and I have now retired to our room for the night.

She just asked me who I was writing to, asking if it's that special person I mentioned before. I told her it is. She looks like she wants to ask more but I suppose there must be something in my expression that shows I don't want to talk about you because she just went back to reading her book. Do you think me odd for not wanting to tell anyone about you? I can't help it. It's private. You're my special Hatter and I don't want to talk about you to anyone.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I've resolved to stop being sad about what's happening, about our being apart, because I know you're coming back one day so I shall try to stop moping about and instead I shall keep myself busy until you return. I'm going to stay at Marmoreal for a bit to make some hats for the Queen and the Ladies at Court. I think occupying myself with something I love to do will help._

_Yes, I __am__ your special Hatter. I don't mind it so much when you call me that. Hatter, I mean. It seems like you mean it more as an affectionate pet name, which makes me very happy._

_I can see your feelings shining through in your words though that precious innocence of yours is back. It's so very sweet. How I wish I could hold you and reassure you that I __do__ feel our special bond, and that not only do I care about you, I love you with all my heart._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

14 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

I'll be getting back to work with the Company tomorrow, which I'm happy about. Lord Ascot insisted I have another day of rest today and tried to convince me to take tomorrow off as well but I told him tonight at dinner that having spent the entire day resting, I'm quite recovered now and I want to get back to my apprenticeship as soon as possible. There's so much to learn! And I do enjoy it, very much.

There was a man called Mr. Caldwell who sat next to me at dinner. He seems nice enough but I can tell he's interested in me. It annoys me because I'm certainly not interested in him. After everything that happened with Mr. Radford and the pig man, I'm quite fed up with men trying to pursue me.

How are you, dear Hatter? Absolem was visiting today and he accidently let it slip that you're at Marmoreal right now. Are you making hats? When I come back to Underland, will you make me one? Next time I'm at the markets and looking around the stalls where they sell fabrics and textiles, I shall get you something nice, some beautiful fabric so you can make me a special hat. I don't usually wear them, but I'll wear one of yours, especially if you make it just for me. I remember how wonderful the ones you made at the Red Queen's castle were. I hope it's alright to mention it. Does it upset you to think about that time?

I remember how scared I was when Stayne came in to the hat-making room when I was trying to free you with the Vorpal Sword and you fought him off so I could get away. You're so very brave. You saved me. It's amazing how many times you saved me. You gave yourself up so the Red Knights wouldn't capture me when we were on our way to the White Queen's castle after the Tea Party. Did you know I got quite angry with Bayard about that, about how he led them to you like that? He didn't want to take me to you at Salazen Grum, as he told me it wasn't foretold for me to do so, but I insisted quite forcefully and made him take me to you anyway. You saved me so I was going to save you and I wasn't going to let anything stop me. I just wish I could have gotten you free. Stupid Stayne. That horrid man! Have you any idea how scared I was for you when you made me leave and go to Marmoreal without you? I was so terrified that you would be beheaded, dear Tarrant. It was awful! I was so very upset. But then, when the Queen and I were on the balcony, I saw you through her spyglass and saw that you had gotten yourself free, and that you'd freed the others as well. How incredibly courageous and noble you are! And so caring. I'm sure you could have run off just to save yourself but you didn't. I admire you so much. For everything you did.

So, you're back at the castle now. I hope you're having fun. I think the White Queen is lovely and I imagine now that she's back in power that things are much nicer in Underland. But how is it at the castle? What do you do with yourself? Are the Ladies at Court throwing themselves at you? Why did I just ask you such a thing? Well, I did, so I shall ask it again. Are they? I'm sure they all admire you as I do, and you're so wonderful and charming and quite dashing and you're a hero. So I imagine they all must adore you. You don't like any of them specially, do you? Perhaps it's selfish of me, but I hope not. I like to think that I'm special to you, in a way no one else is. Yes, it is selfish, I know. But you're special to me, in a way no one else is, so it's only fair, Hatter!

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_How adorable you are! None of the Ladies are throwing themselves at me, nor would I want them to. I love __you__, my angel, and only you._

_I remember it so clearly when I saw you at Salazen Grum, when they brought me in to ask about you. I can't tell you how happy I was to see you, and to know that you cared enough to risk your life to come there so you could try to rescue me. Though, at the same time, I was terribly worried that something would happen to you. _

_I can't stop thinking about the night when we were in the hat-making room and you'd brought me back my hat and put it on me. How I wanted to kiss you! You smiled at me and the way you were looking at me made me wonder if you wanted me to kiss you too. But you were too tall. When you come back I shall kiss you the first chance I get._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

15 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

I had a long day working with Lord Ascot today, touring the textile mills and other places involving the things we trade. I confess, after being so sick, it tired me out, though I pretended I was fine. Mr. Caldwell accompanied us. He's making it quite obvious that he's taken with me. How vexing that is! I just want to be left alone. I don't want to be pursued by any more men. I wish they would leave me alone. All I want is to be an apprentice with the Company and to learn what I need to learn. I don't want to be bothered with men trying to woo and pursue me.

I find myself missing you quite a bit tonight.

Is anything new happening at the castle? Are you still there? I hope the Ladies are leaving you alone. None of them are good enough for you, my sweet Hatter. I didn't really get to know them or even meet them all, but I just know it. So don't let any of them turn your head. Make them stay away from you!

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I am very happy to know that you don't want any men pursuing you and that you don't want any Ladies pursuing me. Your innocent jealousy is so charming. How I love you, my sweet Alice. I miss you too, angel. So very much._

_You must take care of yourself and not push yourself too hard. I know how determined you are to learn all you can, and also to prove yourself to the men in your world, I suspect. I hate that they are so disrespectful of women and that it forces you to take on the task of having to prove to them how brilliant and special you are. The fact that they can't all see it astonishes me. But then, if they did, perhaps more men would be throwing themselves at you than have already and I should hate that! Just like you don't want the Ladies here throwing themselves at me, I don't want the men there pursuing you, or at least trying to. _

_I have a feeling this Mr. Caldwell is going to be exactly like the others. He's going to try to woo you. I just hope your feeling doesn't change. He annoyed you so I doubt it will. When he starts trying to pursue you, I imagine it will only annoy you more. I wish I were with you right now. _

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

16 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

I had a bit of an adventure today. I was at the markets with Miss Prescott (I call her Eleanor now but I'll continue to refer to her as Miss Prescott in my letters to you) and we somehow got separated and I ended up getting lost. I had to call for Absolem and he didn't know where we were either so it was quite a muddle. But Absolem was rather funny and it turned out to be rather amusing. Some of the local people were staring at me, since I was walking around with a blue butterfly sitting upon my shoulder which is a rather unusual sight, and Absolem kept whispering things that made me laugh.

The Brahmins in particular were quite interested. They looked at me as if I had special powers. They're a spiritual people so they appeared to view Absolem's seeming attachment to me as something extraordinary. They're not wrong though, are they? It is extraordinary. And my connection to Absolem and to Underland does feel spiritual in nature. Mystical. As does my connection to you. But I feel that our connection, yours and mine, is also emotional for I miss you, so much, and I'm always wishing you were here with me. How is it I feel so attached to you when we were only together for a few days? I've never felt this connected to anyone else before.

So, back to my adventure with Absolem. A group of Brahmins took notice of us and were quite intrigued to see a young lady with a butterfly sitting on her shoulder the way he was. They said he was my guardian. And really, they were right. I suppose he is a sort of guardian to me. Isn't that curious? In any case, the group of Brahmins decided I was 'special' so they ended up helping me and they led me back to the market. I thanked them and after they left, bowing at me rather reverently as they took their leave, Absolem had to flutter off before I could speak to him further, because Miss Prescott appeared suddenly. It was obvious she had been quite frantic with worry! When I explained what had happened, she was very concerned but I told her that I learned my lesson and would be more careful in the future. Then I begged her not to tell anyone, especially Lord Ascot. Thankfully, she seemed to understand and promised she wouldn't.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I agree that our connection is spiritual and mystical and emotional. I'm very happy you see that. I feel just as attached to you, Alice. It doesn't matter how many days we were together, whether it was one day or a hundred. I don't think that makes any difference. What's between us transcends time. In all my life, I've never felt this kind of connection to anyone else. And I miss you and wish I were there with you too, as much as you wish it. _

_Your adventure sounds like it was rather entertaining. I'm very glad though that Absolem is there to look after you. From the way you've described Bombay, you could get yourself into a dangerous situation, my angel. But Absolem will take care of you if you're ever in trouble so I won't worry. _

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

17 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

Mr. Caldwell has stepped up his pursuit of me and is ignoring my obvious lack of interest, which I keep trying to convey to him, loud and clear. I almost asked Miss Prescott if she could get Mr. Bowen to speak to him and tell him that I'm not interested but I know this is a matter I shall have to take care of myself. It's just difficult because he hasn't exactly done anything to cross the line enough for me to really say something. He's clearly quite clever at this sort of thing. Clever or oblivious. I can't decide.

This is a horrible thing to say but sometimes I wish Absolem were a wasp instead of a butterfly - then he could sting the men who try to get too close to me. I told him that earlier and he laughed. I had called him to visit me as I was bored and more than a bit vexed with this whole Mr. Caldwell annoyance. I think it amuses Absolem. He seems to enjoy being in the Otherworld with me, even though he usually complains when I call for him. He loves coming out with me to the markets and sitting on my shoulder because he knows how much it fascinates the Brahmins. It's like a game to him. He whispers funny things to me, trying to get me to laugh so I seem mad or touched, but he knows the Brahmins look at me as if I'm something special. They can see the magical connection between me and Absolem and I think they realise he and I can actually communicate with each other.

There's no magic in this world, at least not like there is in Underland, so it must seem quite amazing to them. I was out today with him at the market just outside the hotel and one Brahmin in particular was brave enough to come close and have a good look at Absolem and suddenly he gasped and backed away, staring at me with wide eyes. I asked Absolem what he did to make the Brahmin react like that but he wouldn't tell me. He just laughed.

I tried to ask him about you but as usual, he wouldn't say anything. Are you still at the castle?

Today was another busy day working with the Company, touring around Bombay and then going out a bit further to look at some more textile mills. And of course, I was accompanied yet again by Mr. Caldwell.

When we got back to the hotel, we had another big Company dinner with some Parsees, Tamils and Brahmins. Absolem appeared at one point while I was talking to the Brahmins (and no one from the Company was around to see him), and he fluttered over and perched upon my shoulder as he always does, settling there as if it were his rightful place. It made the Brahmins stare at us in fascination (and awe, I think), which amused Absolem to no end. How he makes me laugh. He can be so mischievous!

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I love hearing about your adventures with Absolem. How funny he is! You seem to bring out such a different side of him, I have to say. It's quite funny to hear about the things you two get up to, though I admit I'm jealous that he's the one sharing the adventures with you, and not me. I wish he could scare away Mr. Caldwell but knowing him, I suppose he'll leave that for you to do._

_Yes, I'm still at the castle. I think I wrote before that I've resolved to keep myself busy, so that's what I'm doing. I'm making a lot of hats, some for the Queen and some for the Ladies at Court._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

* * *

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Six**

18 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

I'm feeling rather depressed tonight. I wish you were here, more than ever. Mr. Caldwell somehow must have convinced Lord Ascot I was interested in him because Lord Ascot arranged for my work today to be a visit to some textile mills with Mr. Caldwell and he gave me a wink as if he thought it was what I wanted! It was so embarrassing! I was horrified that he would believe such a thing of me. I know he regards me highly so there's certainly no bad intent on Lord Ascot's part; he probably just thinks I actually like Mr. Caldwell and welcomed a chance to spend time with him.

So today was rather dreadful, as you might imagine. Mr. Caldwell doesn't seem to understand that I'm not interested so he kept trying to cosy up to me. Again, he's very subtle about it, so it's not easy to call him out on it. Then this evening, I had to suffer through another Company dinner with him sitting beside me and I think the others in the Company believe there's a romance between us now, judging from the looks I kept receiving.

I'm so tired of this. Just because I'm a woman most of the men seem to think I'm fair game and that my ultimate goal is to get married. It's so insulting. Mr. Caldwell isn't as bad as the silly Mr. Radford and certainly nowhere near as horrid as the pig man, as he treats me with some respect and even admiration. But still. I'm here to be an apprentice for the Company. I'm not a woman looking for a husband.

Sometimes I think about cutting my hair really short, like a French author I admire, called George Sand. Despite the masculine name, she's a woman, a Baroness actually, but she's very bold and lives as she pleases and does rather shocking things. She flaunts convention without a second thought, and dresses in men's clothes and smokes cigarettes, or at least she did when she was younger. I don't know what she's doing now. In any case, she chopped her hair off one day, though it was because of an affair she'd had with a poet called Alfred de Musset which turned out to be rather disastrous, so when she did it, it was an act of passion. I would do it for different reasons, namely to keep the men at bay.

My sweet Hatter, if you were here you could help me. I'd have you find me some men's clothes and then you could cut my hair and make me a man's hat and I'd start dressing like a man and I'd take up smoking cigarettes and maybe then the Company men would stop looking at me the way that they do. Hmmm. Do you think I should do such a drastic and shocking thing?

Or perhaps, instead of that, I could just stay as I am and you could pretend to be my fiancé. But that sounds as if I just want you here for that (and that would be terribly selfish and would mean I just want to use you), which isn't true at all. I miss you. The more time I spend with others here in this world, the more I miss you. This experience is amazing and wonderful and interesting but it's also rather lonely and miserable sometimes. How I wish you were here, pretending to be my fiancé. I'm certain all the men would leave me alone if they thought I were engaged. Or maybe not. But if you were actually here, pretending to be my betrothed and glaring at anyone who dared to look at me, they'd back off. You can be quite fierce when you want to be, you know.

How is it you have so many personalities? There's the Hatter, who's kind and sweet and almost innocent, despite all you've been through. There's the Warrior, the head of the Resistance, who's fierce and brave and loyal. There's the Artist, who makes such beautiful things. Do you remember when you shrunk me at the tea party and hid me in the teapot and then you made me a dress? I wish I still had it. I wish I had something of yours, some token I could carry with me in this world, other than my memories. What other personalities do you have? I can think of one other, at least. There's Tarrant Hightopp, the man. That's the you I haven't really gotten to meet. I wonder what he's like. A mix of everything?

Why is it the one person I feel could really understand me, the one person who I really feel connected to in a way I never felt connected to another before, has to live in a different world?

And why won't Absolem (or whoever it is that decrees such things) let you write to me or even better, bring you here or take me to Underland for a visit? I miss you so much. I want to talk to you. In person. I want to hear you talk to me. I want to know what's going on with you.

I'll confess something to you, my sweet Hatter, something I'd only tell you. I was feeling so utterly down about it all, about everything, that I cried earlier.

Despite that, despite how hard this is sometimes, I shall persevere and continue on because I'm carrying out my father's dream and I want to see my own dreams come to fruition as well. But as soon as it's done, Tarrant, as soon as I accomplish what I've set out to do, I'll come back to Underland. And I'll probably stay forever. I hate this world.

Is it alright if I pretend you're here with me right now giving me a hug? I need one tonight.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Why must these men constantly chase you? It terrifies me that you'll find one you like and then forget all about me. _

_But then, you're starting to think of me as a __man__, not just a Hatter, and you're even imagining me as your betrothed, even if it is prompted by the desire to keep the Otherworld men at bay. I have to admit, I was surprised you wrote about me being your "pretend" fiancé but then you are adorably innocent. _

_I wonder what you think about when you think of me not as the Hatter or the Warrior or the Artist, but as me, Tarrant Hightopp, the man. You seem rather interested in him. I know you love me, Alice, but you've forgotten that you do, now that you're no longer sick and delirious with fever. _

_So now that you're back to your innocent musings about me, I wonder, do you think about kissing me? Or rather, me kissing you? I have a feeling you would prefer for me to be bold in matters of romance. I know you don't like it when the Otherworld men act bold and forward and determined to woo you, but you don't care for them. There seems to be some hint though in your letters that you wouldn't mind it if I were that way with you. In fact, I think you'd like it._

_I miss you too, as much as you miss me. You sound so unhappy, angel. I am too, but I'm trying really hard to keep busy and not get too depressed. I trust you're coming back so I'm holding on to that._

_I don't think we'll ever get a clear answer on why we're being kept apart. Out of the two of us, I'm the only one who knows that. You don't know because I can't send you my letters. You don't know or remember that you love me and you don't know that I love you. You just know that you miss me and you wish we were together. But we __are__ being kept apart, Alice, for whatever reason. Absolem knows it but won't tell you. He knows how we both feel about each other, I'm certain of it._

_All I can hope for is that time will pass quickly and the dreams you have, yours and your father's, come to fruition as soon as possible. You're so very miserable and so alone. It kills me. _

_When you come back here are you really planning to stay forever or did you just write that because you're depressed?_

_Yes, pretend I'm there with you, not just giving you one hug, but holding you in my arms for as long as I can._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

19 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

Mr. Caldwell asked me to marry him tonight after dinner. Can you believe it? I've given him no sign of any interest on my part. Are men just delusional when they set their sights on a woman? I genuinely don't understand it.

I declined his proposal, of course. The thing is, when I told Miss Prescott, I was surprised, for even she didn't understand the situation. She thought Mr. Caldwell was a good match for me, and that made me sad. It made me feel even more alone than I did already, to know she understands me so little.

You understand me though, don't you? I feel as though you do. Please, let that be true. I feel so...connected to you. It would be wretched if you didn't feel the connection like I do.

I feel so sad tonight.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_God, I love you so much it hurts sometimes. I can't bear to feel your loneliness and sadness, and I'm stuck here, not able to do anything about it. I just want to hold you and tell you I __do__ understand you and you're not alone and that we love each other and are meant to be together. _

_Come back to me, Alice. When we're together again, we'll both be happy, I know it._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

20 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

I had a long talk with Lord Ascot this morning and now I feel much better. I told him about Mr. Caldwell's proposal (and my rejection of it, as well as the proposal from Mr. Radford on the ship) and I explained to him that I truly am not interested in finding a husband, that I'm only interested in being an apprentice for the Company. I admit I fibbed a bit. I said I already have a beau, someone secret that no one knows about, and that's why I declined Hamish's proposal and all the others. Thankfully, he didn't pry or ask too many questions. He just said he'd try to subtly convey that I'm to be left alone and treated solely as a member of the Company.

Lord Ascot gave me the day off after we talked, which was nice. But then I ended up having quite an adventure this afternoon as a result. It was a bit alarming, I admit. I was at the market by myself, the one just outside the hotel. A fight broke out between an "Untouchable" and some Parsees and in the course of things I was shoved out of the way and somehow carried along with the crowd away from the market. I'm not quite sure how it happened but I found myself in a strange area that I'd never been to and I realised I'd gotten lost again. As I was trying to find my way back to the market, some men began to follow me. It was scary because they were Pathans and they are quite terrifying. They seemed particularly fascinated by my blonde hair. The women here all have dark hair so I imagine I must really stand out. So there I was, quite lost, and the Pathans were following me and I was getting more and more afraid.

Suddenly a group of Brahmins appeared and after a long and rather fierce argument in a language I didn't understand, the Brahmins managed to make the Pathans go away. The Brahmins didn't speak much English but one did and he said he'd heard of my powers and my special guardian butterfly. Then they all began speaking to him in their language and he translated, saying they wanted to see the butterfly. Even though they had rescued me I was still rather frightened so I whispered for Absolem who appeared immediately and settled on my shoulder, glaring at them. They all backed away at once and bowed at me reverently then the English-speaking one led me back to the hotel and told me I must be very careful, even if I did have a special guardian butterfly. He explained that Bombay is a very dangerous place for a young woman, especially a woman with my colouring, and that I could get kidnapped. Then he told me I was very fortunate he and the other Brahmins came upon me when they did as the Pathans seemed to have had that in mind apparently. Can you believe that, Tarrant? I was almost kidnapped! By the Pathans!

Absolem gave me a very stern talking to when I got back to my room, scolding me rather severely. It upset me that he was so angry with me, so much so that I almost started to cry. But when he saw the tears in my eyes, he relented and softened up a little and then he was nice again. I think he realised that the experience had left me quite shaken so he stopped scolding me and comforted me instead. He echoed the Brahmin's words though, saying I was very lucky I hadn't actually been kidnapped. I asked him what would happen if I ever was kidnapped, wanting to know if he could save me, and he said perhaps he could, but we shouldn't try to find out, which made me laugh.

How different it would be if you were here. You could be my escort and I wouldn't have to worry about getting kidnapped. I confess, I'm a bit scared of that now. Not as scared as I was of the idea of facing the Jabberwocky, but if you saw the Pathans you'd understand. They really are quite menacing.

I'd like to write more but I'm a bit tired. I wish I had a letter from you to read. I miss you, as usual. Will you try something for me, Tarrant? Will you write to me after you read this then place the letter on your writing desk and try to wish it to me? Picture me and wish it to me, just before you go to sleep. I want so much to hear from you. I want to know what you think about all this.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I already tried that, angel, and it didn't work. I imagine you're going to be rather disappointed when you realise that it only works that way for you. Believe me, I'm as upset about that as you will be._

_Your "adventure" sounds more like a nightmare and you're very lucky to have escaped with minimal trouble. You musn't be so reckless, Alice! Thank God for the Brahmins and Absolem. Yes, Absolem can save you if you were actually kidnapped, but he won't tell you that, nor do I think he should, if only because it will make you more cautious. _

_I'm glad he gave you that talking to because if you were here I would be giving you one myself and I would hate to upset you and make you cry. But I worry about you._

_Please, take special care, my sweet Alice. I couldn't bear it if anything were to happen to you. I mean that, quite seriously. Don't you realise the only thing keeping me going is the thought that you're going to come back to me one day?_

_I can read between the lines, angel. I'm the beau you were referring to when you spoke to Lord Ascot, aren't I? You're either too shy or scared to admit it. Are you afraid to admit it to me? Or yourself? Or both of us?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

21 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

I didn't get a letter from you which made me very sad. So sad that I called for Absolem and confessed to him what I asked you to do. Then I asked him if you might have tried to write a letter and wish it to me but it just didn't work or if he thought perhaps you didn't try at all. He snorted at me and said to stop trying to break the rules.

He said he was certain you probably did attempt to send me a letter but that it won't work, no matter how hard you try. So I'm quite sad now. I told Absolem that it's not fair and he shook his head at me rather enigmatically and told me to stop complaining. He knows something, Tarrant. I can see it in his eyes. What can it be?

Today was a long day. We were very busy with Company affairs, preparing for our trip to Ceylon. There's some kind of trouble at one of the plantations that we need to go see about, so we've had to leave earlier than planned.

Yes, we've left Bombay. This evening, in fact, just before dinner.

I'd write more but I'm absolutely shattered tonight. It was an exhausting day and dinner was quite tiring as well. We'll be at sea for about a week so I'll be able to write longer letters to you, my sweet Hatter.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm sorry you found out the truth that I can't write to you and send you my letters and I'm sorry it made you so sad but at least Absolem told you he was certain I tried to do it. I'm glad of that and hope it reassured you._

_I hate this, Alice! I hate being apart from you. I hate that you're so sad and lonely and that you want me to be with you but that something is stopping it from happening. But what it is? Why are we being kept apart like this?_

_Yes, I agree about Absolem. He knows something. I see it too. In one of the letters you wrote to me when you were sick and delirious you mentioned something coming to you in the dark and whispering in your ear that you and I are meant to be together forever. I thought at the time it was just a hallucination from the fever but now I'm starting to think it really happened and that it was actually Absolem whispering that to you. And if that's true, then that means it shall come to pass! _

_How I wish I could tell you this. It makes me so happy and if you knew, I think it would help and make you much happier too._

_I'm glad you've gotten out of Bombay. I hope Ceylon is a less dangerous place. I wonder how long it will take you to get there._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

22 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

Did you know today makes it exactly seven months since we last saw each other? I returned to this world on the 22nd of April, which was Frabjous Day in Underland. And now seven months have passed! It seems like so much longer, doesn't it? I think it must feel that way because I miss you so much. Do you feel that way too?

So...we're back at sea. And I'm back in my very own, very private cabin. What a relief! Isn't it funny how miserable I was being on the ship before and now I'm happy for it? Bombay was an amazing place but I was ready to leave. We'll be going back there again, however, after we complete business in Shanghai and begin our return trip to England.

I'm rather excited to see Ceylon and all the plantations. It should be interesting. But, as I mentioned in last night's letter, it will be a week at least before we get there.

So here I am again, back in my cabin and remembering my imaginings of us hiding out here together playing backgammon or you trying to masquerade as one of the Company men or being a stowaway on the ship. It's so vivid I almost feel like we did all that, so of course I miss you all the more now.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I wish I were there hiding out with you in your cabin, improprietous as it may be. I would never do anything to compromise you or tarnish your reputation but I would love nothing more than to stay with you, looking after you, having tea parties and playing backgammon and whatever else you like. Without a chaperone to supervise us, I know that would be scandalous but then if we were to break the rules (as you seem to like to do, my naughty little angel), perhaps I could steal a kiss or two. Or more. _

_I think about that all the time. Holding you in my arms and kissing you. I wonder if you think about that too. _

_Do you?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

23 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

I think you'll find this rather amusing. I was bored today so I called for Absolem and I actually managed to convince him to play backgammon with me. Can you believe it? I had to teach him how to play first but once I did, he caught on quickly and after a few games, that infernal creature had the nerve to win against me! Three games in a row! He gloated at me, of course, and said he'd be more than happy to play me again, whenever I like, provided he isn't busy with the goings on in Underland. I wish it could be you playing backgammon with me, rather than Absolem. Unlike him, I know you'd be gracious whether in victory or defeat. Though really, I don't mind playing with Absolem. He says the funniest things and makes me laugh. I just miss you and I wish you could be here with me.

Life at sea is the same as it was before, but I'm not complaining. I'm very glad to have my own cabin again and happy that I don't have to be chaperoned on the ship. After the Mr. Caldwell debacle, I admit my relationship with Miss Prescott has undergone a change, at least on my part. I still like her but I see the limitations in my friendship with her. As I mentioned in a previous letter, she didn't understand the situation with Mr. Caldwell and she actually thought he was a good match for me. Yet, she's known that I've been writing to someone all this time, and to her knowledge, it's someone special, so it stands to reason that she should have made the assumption I've been writing to a man. A beau. In any case, the whole thing made me realise that she doesn't really know or understand me so there's a bit of distance between us now. It's fully on me though. I doubt she even sees it, for she's quite happy with her Mr. Bowen and has her head in the clouds at present.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I still don't know what backgammon is exactly - I know it's a game that's played on a board, like chess is - but trying to picture Absolem playing it with you did indeed amuse me. You must teach it to me when you come back. And you're right, I would be gracious whether in victory or defeat. If I ever won against you, I wouldn't gloat. I think I would ask for a prize instead. A reward. Would you grant me one? I wonder, what would you do if I asked for a kiss? Would you think me too bold? God, now I'm imagining kissing you and it's making me miss you so much. _

_How long will I have to wait for you to return, Alice? Have you an idea of when that might be? You haven't said, you know. Will it be months? Years? Please, don't let it be too long._

_I'm sorry your relationship with Miss Prescott has changed. When you wrote that you thought she should have assumed your special someone was a man...a beau...I notice you didn't say anything to correct that assumption to __me__. _

_It's so sweet how innocent you are. It's absolutely adorable. Though it does send a pang to my heart that you've forgotten your true feelings for me. Why is it so hard to admit that you love me?_

_You sound lonely as ever, which makes me sad. How I wish I were there with you. At least you have Absolem, I suppose. Next time I see him I'm going to ask him about backgammon and how it's played. I'm rather curious about it now, as it seems to be your favourite game._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

24 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

I dreamt about you last night. I don't remember much of it but from what I do remember, it was just after the battle on Frabjous Day and I was asking you why a raven is like a writing desk and then I was falling. I woke up feeling rather frightened for some reason. Are you alright? Are you well, my sweet Hatter? I shall have to ask Absolem about you though he hates it when I do. He usually won't tell me anything unless I beg and beg, and even then he usually won't tell me.

Have you figured out yet why a raven is like a writing desk? I wish I knew the answer. It seemed important in my dream, from what I can recall.

Now I'm remembering how we said goodbye before I left Underland, how I asked you that very question. You said, "I haven't the faintest idea" and you looked so sad. Was it because I had to leave? I think it was. I wish I could have hugged you, Tarrant. I told you that before, didn't I? But the Jabberwocky blood worked so fast I didn't get a chance to.

I would hug you right now if I could. Would you like that? I know I would. Then maybe I could forget how sad you looked. That image is burned in my memory. It's really quite haunting, I confess. I can't believe I just told you that! Do you think me...strange? Silly?

How I miss you! Why does it have to be like this? Why can't you at least write to me? I asked Absolem yesterday while we were playing backgammon if there was any way I could somehow come to Underland for a visit but he said no. When I asked him why not he said it would interfere with my current plans. I don't see any reason why or how a simple visit or a letter from you would interfere with my plans and I told him that but he just smirked at me and told me to roll the dice, as it was my move. How vexing he can be sometimes!

Are you up for some questions?

1. Who is your best friend? The March Hare? Mallymkun? I'll confess, I don't feel like I have any true friends in this world. I suppose I consider Absolem to be my best friend here, even though he's from Underland. But I'd have to say, overall, you're my best friend. But you're more than that, really. I don't know what you are exactly, but you're very special to me. I hope I'm special to you too.

2. What would you most like to do, but haven't? Before I became an apprentice for the Company I would have said travel to the other side of the world and do what I'm doing now. But I'm doing it. So my answer is, I'd hug you.

3. Who has had the biggest impact on you in your life? For me, it was my father. And you're a close second.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Yes, I'm fine but I miss you terribly, as I always do. I realise now that I shall never be happy again, until you return. Do you know that? No, of course not. But I think you feel the same way._

_So, you wish you could hug me? Yes, you did tell me that you wished you could have hugged me before you left for the Otherworld, in one of your earliest letters. (I read every single one of your letters again today.) But you're saying that you want to hug me __now__. I want that too, Alice, more than anything. _

_I love it when you confess your little hints of how you feel about me. How shy you seem about it. Do you actually worry that I don't return your feelings? I do think you're silly, but not in the way you think...or seem to be worrying about. What's silly is that you could possibly imagine I feel anything less than the deepest love and affection for you. Don't you know I've never felt like this before? Ever. I've never even been close to being in love, before you. I have to admit though, I didn't know love could be this painful._

_It hurts so much to be apart from you. The only comfort I have at this time is knowing two things. The first thing - that you love me, even though you've forgotten that and won't admit it to yourself right now. And the second thing, the biggest thing - that we're meant to be together, forever. I believe more and more that Absolem told you that when you were sick. His smirking at you the way he does only confirms it, at least to my mind. _

_He knows the truth. It must be Fated. You and I are meant to be together, and we shall be, once you come back. I feel it. I feel a strange tingle of magic come over me whenever I think of it. I wonder if you feel it too, even if you don't realise it or comprehend what that feeling is or where it's actually coming from._

_I'm always up for your questions. Here are my answers:_

_1. Yes, Thackery and Mally are the ones I'm closest to here in Underland. But you're the one I feel truly closest to, the one person I know could really understand me. I'm glad you think of me as your best friend, but I'm also glad you made a point of telling me you feel more than that._

_2. What would I most like to do, but haven't? Again, my answer is the same as yours. I would most like to hug you. But I'd like to add a couple of other things to the list: I'd like to hold you in my arms and kiss you. I'd tell you I love you._

_3. Obviously, you. Conversely, in the negative, the Red Queen._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

25 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

1. Have you ever had a pet? I did. I had a cat called Dinah when I was a child, but she didn't talk. The animals don't speak here nor do they wear clothes. Do all the animals talk in Underland?

2. If you could live one day of your life over again and change one thing, what day would it be and what would you do differently? My answer: Frabjous Day. You asked me to stay in Underland but I knew I had to come back to this world, so honestly, I couldn't change that. (You do understand that, don't you?) But the one thing that I'd do differently is I would have asked you to come here with me instead. If that could have happened, would you have come with me?

3. Are you courting anyone? Have you ever been in love? Oh my! Something just occured to me. You don't fancy the White Queen, do you? That would be...I don't know what. Odd. Wrong. I hope you don't. I told you before, no one is good enough for you, not even the Queen, as lovely as she is. No, she's not right for you, so if you do fancy her, get that thought right out of your head.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_1. No, I've never had a pet. I wouldn't mind having one, but I wouldn't want a talking cat like Chessur. If everything goes as it should, you and I will be together...so when that happens, if you'd like to have a cat for a pet, perhaps we can have one from the Otherworld. No, not all the animals speak here. The hedgehogs and monkeys don't speak, for example. McTwisp told me a bit about the animals he saw in the Otherworld, so I already knew about them not wearing clothes. How very odd that is to me!_

_2. Yes, I would have come with you. What would I change? I would have kissed you in the hat-making room at the Red Queen's castle._

_3. My sweet angel, how utterly adorable you are when you're jealous. Of course I don't fancy the Queen. What a thought! No, I've never courted anyone. But when you come back, I shall court __you__._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

26 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

1. What is your greatest wish (the wish has to be something you wish now, without changing the past)? Mine is for you to be here with me, sharing in these adventures.

2. Where is your favourite place? In this world, mine is Paris. In Underland, Marmoreal. The White Queen's castle was definitely my favourite place in Underland. Are you there right now? Are you courting the White Queen?

3. What do you think is your best quality? And what do you think is your worst? For me, I would consider my best quality to be that I'm my own person and I don't let others dictate who I should be. My worst quality? I'm rather stubborn and can be quite defiant. I like to break the rules. Sometimes that's a good quality though.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_1. My greatest wish? To be with you. You might think I'd want to be __here__ in Underland with you, but right now, I'd rather be in the Otherworld with you, sharing in the adventures, just as you said. I imagine we'd have such a wonderful time together and we would certainly both be a lot happier than we are at this time._

_2. My favourite place is my house, I suppose. There's a special place I like to go to when I'm here at the castle in Marmoreal. It's by a lake with a waterfall. Yes, I'm still here. And no, I'm not courting the Queen, you silly thing! The only person I want to court is you._

_3. My best quality? I suppose you could say I'm rather good at making hats and other artistic things. But is that a quality? Perhaps not. So I'll say my best quality is that I'm brave and not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. My worst quality? That I'm mad. I'm not always mad, but there's no doubt that I am __sometimes__. I hate that about myself. Though when I asked you if I you thought I was mad, you said yes, but that it was alright. And then you said all the best people are. So maybe you don't mind it so much._

_I have to wonder though. Will my spells of madness frighten and scare you off when you come back? Will you still love me anyway? Now I'm quite terrified, Alice. What if you stop loving me when you really get to know me?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

27 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

1. What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? For me, in this world, it would be the countryside of France. In Underland, hmmm. Would you think me silly if I said your eyes? They're such an unusual colour. Though I confess, I like your smile too. So yes, I have to say both. In Underland the two most beautiful things I ever saw were your eyes and your smile.

2. If you could be a time traveller, would you go back or forward in time? I'd go forward, I think, so I could get to the time when I return to Underland after accomplishing what I've set out to do here in this world.

3. What do you think about marriage and children? You know my thoughts on marriage already. I would marry, but only for true love. I'd like to have children one day but not for a long while, which is something that would be considered quite strange in this world. If I were to marry, I know I would want to wait to have children. What do you think about that? Do you find that odd?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice, _

_Here are my answers to your very interesting (and rather revealing) questions:_

_1. What is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen? You. But if I have to say a different answer, the White Sea._

_2. Same as you. If I could be a time traveller, I would go forward in time, to the exact moment when you return to Underland._

_3. This is the most revealing part of your letter, though I doubt you even know it, my innocent angel. You want to know if I would be alright with waiting to have children if we were to marry (or when, really, for I __will__ marry you, if you'll have me). The answer is yes. I would want you all to myself for as long as possible._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

* * *

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Seven**

28 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

We're due to arrive in Ceylon sometime before dawn. Tomorrow we'll be touring some plantations. I'm excited to see them. I expect it should be rather interesting. But for now, more questions!

1. What is the biggest lie you ever told? Mine is more of an omission than a lie, but it would definitely be my keeping Underland a secret.

2. Who do you turn to when you're sad? I usually keep to myself when I'm sad but now I have Absolem and there have been times when I've called for him to comfort me or cheer me up.

3. What makes you sad? The obvious answer is the past and everything that happened under the Red Queen, but I mean now. What makes you sad now? My answer: I'll be really honest, my sweet Hatter. It makes me sad that I'm here all alone and you're in Underland.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_1. Putting aside the lies I was forced to tell during the reign of the Red Queen, what is the biggest lie I've told since then? I'd have to say, I'm living a lie, more than telling any. I'm pretending I'm fine but really, I miss you so much and sometimes I fall apart a bit and go mad._

_2. I'm just like you. I don't turn to anyone when I'm sad, but rather, keep to myself. I would turn to __you__ now though, because I know you would be very sweet and comforting and I trust you._

_3. Again, my answer is the same as yours. The thing that makes me sad is being apart from you._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

29 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

Ceylon is quite amazing. Today we went to see one of the plantations. It was a lovely day. We travelled by rail which was nice because I was able to see more of the land. I was astounded by some of the things I saw. The people ride elephants here, as one would a horse. It's so incredible. Do you know what an elephant is? They're absolutely enormous, as big as the Jabberwocky, if not bigger. I'll draw one for you on the back of the letter so you can get an idea of what they look like. When we got to the plantation, we had a tour of it, which was actually quite fascinating. This particular plantation was one where they cultivate coconuts. Have you ever had a coconut? They're a fruit and I think they taste nice, though coconut milk is a bit off-putting, unless it's used for cooking. Raw coconut milk tastes rather horrid.

Tomorrow we're going to tour a cinnamon plantation. That should be interesting!

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_You're very good at drawing! So that's an elephant? What an extraordinary creature! You sound like you're having a nice time which makes me happy. I only wish I could be there with you._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

30 November 1782

Dear Tarrant,

Today we visited the cinnamon plantation. It was quite something! I could probably go on describing it, but really, I have a rather amusing thing to tell you. We're staying on the ship at night so I still have my own cabin and my privacy. After a large Company dinner in Ceylon, we returned to the ship and I played my usual games of cards with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen then retired for the evening.

I called for Absolem to play backgammon. And this time I made a wager with him. I told him if I won, he'd have to answer any question I wished. And I won! He conceded in the end, grumbling at me and saying that I probably cheated (he can be rather sulky and petulant when he loses, which makes me laugh), but he answered my question. I shan't tell you what it was though, for you'd probably think me silly.

Tomorrow is our last day in Ceylon and then we'll be back at sea. I'm a bit tired now so I'm off to bed now, my sweet Hatter!

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Well! You seemed to be in a rather good mood in your last letter. And I know why! Absolem visited me today and he told me what you asked him. So now you know I'm not courting anyone and that I don't fancy the Queen. I'm very happy Absolem actually told you that, and I'm glad that out of all the questions you could have asked, that was what you most wanted to know. Absolem smirked at me, of course, when he was telling me. I don't mind because it just confirms what I already know. Absolem is watching over us, Alice. He might not allow us everything we want right now, but I can see he knows our Fate and will help when he can, despite all his grumbling._

_I asked him to tell you how much I like all your questions in the letters you've been writing to me lately and to keep on with them. Naturally he scowled at me and said, yet again, "I'm not your personal messenger!" But I hope he tells you anyway. I think he will._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

1 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Guess what? Today we went to a tea plantation! You would have loved it! After the tour, we tried several samples of the teas and they were all amazing. How I wish you could have been there with me! I was thinking of you the whole time.

We're back at sea now, and shall be for several days. The next destination is Rangoon.

Absolem came for a visit tonight after dinner and we played some more backgammon. He told me he ran into you today and that you asked him to tell me how much you like my questions. So I shall keep asking more!

1. How many girls/ladies have you kissed? I know, that's quite a bold question! My answer (but changing it to boys/men): I've never kissed any. But a few have managed to steal a kiss from me, or worse, force one on me (like the pig man).

2. What do you like about me the most? My answer: What I like most about you is how interesting you are. There are so many sides to you and they're all lovely.

3. Not counting the Red Queen and all that happened under her reign, what is the worst thing someone has ever done to you? My answer: I think it would have to be the surprise engagement party. My mother or sister should have warned me. It put me in such a terrible situation and forced me to reject Hamish's proposal in public. At the time I rejected him, I had just come back from Underland so I didn't think too much on it, but now I realise how humiliating that must have been for him. I feel bad about it now. Though, if not for that engagement party, I wouldn't have run off and ended up falling down the rabbit hole, and that's what brought me to Underland in the first place.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_1. None. I've never kissed anyone. But I like that you asked. Does the thought of me kissing another woman make you jealous? Your answer seems to be telling me that you've never quite willingly kissed anyone. I want to kill that pig man. Whenever I think of him forcing himself on you like that, I get so enraged._

_2. I love everything about you, angel. You're clever, beautiful, brave, sweet, shy yet bold, loyal, funny...I could go on and on. You're amazing, in every way._

_3. Not counting the Red Queen and all that happened under her reign, what is the worst thing someone has ever done to me? I hope this doesn't offend you, but I'd have to say it was you leaving me. I don't blame you, angel. I know why you had to do it, but it hurt so very much._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

2 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

1. Have you ever had a premonition or dream that's come true? I have. I get premonitions, or feelings about things, and I'm usually right about them.

2. Are you sensitive to anything, in a way that makes you sick? I wonder, my sweet Hatter. I worry about it. I couldn't help but notice you had red splotches on your hands, which would seem to indicate an adverse reaction of some kind. But to what?

3. What is your star sign? Do you know what that is? Do you know astrology? Most people in this world think it's nonsense but I studied it a bit and have found it to be quite accurate. I'm a Taurus. Tell me if you think the description of a Taurus fits me: Stubborn, persevering, introverted, practical, reserved, logical (I would say I am, though I have a very active imagination), headstrong, loyal, caring, determined. Well...there's one other thing, but it's quite racy. Dare I say it? Tauruses are supposed to be quite...sensual. How wicked of me to mention such a thing! I don't know if I am or not. Perhaps I should stop there. I'm blushing now, and I'm wondering if you think I went too far with that last part. Forgive me if I have. I'm only telling you what the books said.

Do you think me vulgar now? Oh God! I'm not vulgar, really! I never speak of such matters. Honestly. I assure you, Tarrant, I'm pure and chaste and completely innocent when it comes to that. Truly. I might like breaking the rules, but I've never done anything wrong. Please don't think less of me.

I considered ripping this letter up and starting a new one, leaving out that last bit...but then I thought, no, you're too kind to judge me harshly. So I shall send you this letter, as it is, and trust that you know me well enough to forgive my saying such a racy thing.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_1. Yes, I've had both premonitions and dreams that have come to pass. And that is one of the reasons why I haven't gone completely mad waiting for you to return. Because I know you will and I know we'll be together._

_2. I don't know if I'm sensitive to anything. I suppose I must be. The red splotches aren't just on my hands. I've had them for so long. I'm not sure what causes it. I think I started noticing them after I began making hats. Yes, that's when they first appeared. So perhaps I'm sensitive to something that has to do with hat-making. But how would I go about figuring out what exactly it is?_

_3. My precious angel, I don't know my zodiac sign or what astrology is but the description of a Taurus does indeed describe you quite accurately. How sweet you are! As if I could judge you harshly or think less of you. Of course I don't think you vulgar. I know how innocent you are. Though, since you brought it up, I imagine you probably __are__ quite sensual. You see? I can be racy too! Oh dear, I'm having rather wicked thoughts now, thoughts about...well...I won't say. You naughty little thing! Now I'm blushing too!_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

3 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Do you forgive me for what I wrote in my letter to you last night? I'm very embarrassed about it and ashamed of myself. Do you want me to stop writing to you? I'll have to ask Absolem if you want that, in a delicate way, of course. Oh my dear Hatter, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I'm terribly afraid I've offended you. Have I spoiled everything?

But until I hear otherwise, I shall keep on writing to you.

1. Do you like to cook? Can you cook? You might be surprised, but I actually like to bake cakes and pies and I can cook regular things too. It's something expected of a woman here in this world so don't tell anyone, because as you know, I'm rather defiant when it comes to things that are expected of a woman. I would make something for you though, if you like. A cake or a pie? Or would you like me to make you a whole meal? Dinner?

2. Do believe that people are inherently good or bad? My answer: No. I think that people are shaped by their experiences in life. It's my belief that we all have it in us to be both good and bad, but life experiences, upbringing and outside influences bring out the best or worse in a person.

3. What do you think is your greatest achievement? Mine is slaying the Jabberwocky.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Oh my sweet angel, how horrible that you could even __think__ I'd want you to stop writing to me. There's nothing to forgive, you silly thing! I shall make sure Absolem tells you that I'd be quite devastated if you stopped writing to me. Don't you realise your letters are the only bit of happiness I have right now? I can't bear that you're so upset and worried that I think badly of you. The moment I finish this letter, I shall go find Absolem and make him tell you how I feel._

_Here are my answers to your questions:_

_1. Yes, I can cook. I always cook for myself when I'm at home. I don't know whether I'm good at it though. What a lovely thought, you making me dinner! It's quite romantic, you know._

_2. An interesting question and a very thoughtful answer. I have to agree with you. Yet, I have a hard time believing there's any good in the Red Queen and Stayne._

_3. I don't know. Have I really achieved anything of note? Keeping you safe when you were here. That's my greatest achievement, at least in my eyes._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

4 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Absolem came to visit tonight and he told me your message. How happy I was to hear it! Thankfully, Absolem didn't pry, so I didn't have to explain anything. So let's never speak of it again. I shall keep writing to you and we'll forget I ever said such a scandalous thing.

Is it true, my sweet Hatter? Would you really be devastated if I stopped writing to you? Were those your exact words?

I miss you so much. Truly. Sometimes it's quite terrible. I think of you and then I wish you were here with me and then I get sad because you aren't. I wonder, do you feel that way too?

Here are tonight's questions:

1. Am I important to you? I mean, the way you are to me? Because I wonder about it sometimes. I wonder if you think I'm silly for caring about you so much and feeling so connected to you when really, we only spent a few days together. Do you think that?

2. When was the last time you cried? I confess, I cried tonight, just a little while ago. I think you can imagine why, but I won't say because I'm embarrassed.

3. What do you do to make yourself feel better when you're upset? I call for Absolem now. He seems to always know how to cheer me up.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_God, I love you so much it __hurts__. I'm so glad Absolem relayed my message to you. Honestly, I think I would go mad if you stopped writing to me._

_1. Yes, you're important to me. You're more important to me than anything. It makes me so upset that you worry I don't feel the same way for you that you do for me, even if you won't admit the true extent of your feelings. How I wish I could tell you everything. I want you to know how much I love you, and how much I need you, and how I can't wait until you come back. _

_2. I cried just after reading your letter, before I started writing this one._

_3. When I'm upset, I take a walk. And I remind myself that Absolem is watching over us and that we're destined to be together. It's so hard being apart from you, but knowing our Fate makes me feel better._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

5 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

1. Not counting the Red Queen, Stayne, and all the people and creatures who were on her side, is there anyone who annoys you in Underland?

2. Have you ever had your heart broken by a woman? I've had my heart broken, but not by a man in a romantic sense. It broke my heart when my father died.

3. If you were here with me right now, what would you want to do? I think I would like to have a tea party, just us, like I imagined before.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_1. Yes. Chessur. He likes to make mischief and stir things up and he has a knack for knowing exactly what to say to annoy me. I know what your answer would be, which you tactfully didn't say. Mally. She's jealous of you, angel. That's why she's so rude to you. I'm sorry she's like that. But when you return, she'll have to get over her jealousy because I won't have her treating you badly. I suspect her feelings shall be hurt, but I love you and she'll have to learn to accept it._

_2. Yes, I've had my heart broken. By you, when you left Underland. I know you didn't mean to hurt me and it won't matter in the end, once we're together. But I won't lie. It broke my heart when you left._

_3. Oh my! Do you mean what would I want to do if we were alone together in your cabin late at night? Um...yes, a tea party would be lovely. But my real answer is something I won't write, as it's rather naughty. Honestly, I can't help it! You put the thought in my head._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

6 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

1. Are you still at the castle? When you're not there, where do you live exactly? Absolem told me once that you have a house but he wouldn't tell me anything more.

2. Would you say you're more of an optimist or a pessimist? I'm a bit of both. I try to see the best in things and I hope for the best but I do tend to be rather cynical.

3. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Do they have cigarettes in Underland? When Absolem was still a caterpillar, he smoked out of a hookah (which is quite popular in India) but I never saw a cigarette there. I confess, I tried one, in Bombay. You see, I thought I would try it, like George Sand (remember, I told you she smoked cigarettes?), but it made me quite light-headed so I didn't like it very much. Absolem was with me at the time, and he laughed at me because I started coughing and said it tasted horrid and made me feel rather strange. I didn't tell you any of that, I know. I worried what you would think about it.

(But, alright, I might as well confess the rest. Absolem made me get a hookah and tobacco for him because he wanted to see if it was like what he smoked in Underland. I don't know if it was but he quite liked it. I still have the hookah and the packet of tobacco, which I keep hidden in a sari that I bought at one of the markets. Oh, honestly, now that I've told you this much, I might as well tell you everything. Sometimes I oblige him and take it all out and help him smoke out of it while we play backgammon in my cabin at night. I have to light it and hold it for him. Really, if anyone here knew about it, I would be in so much trouble! You see how he tries to corrupt me?)

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_1. Yes, I'm still here but I won't be for long. I miss my house. It's in Witzend. The village I grew up in is gone now but I built my house near there just after Frabjous Day. I think that you'll like it. I won't tell you more about it because I want it to be a surprise._

_2. Like you, I'm both. I believe in Fate and know the future is going to be wonderful as soon as you return but there's always a part of me that has doubt and fear. I worry that something will happen and you won't come back._

_3. Good God, the things you and Absolem get up to! No, I haven't tried a cigarette. I did try smoking from a hookah once but didn't like it. I'm laughing right now, imagining you and Absolem sneaking around Bombay so you could get a hookah, and your late night backgammon games. How terribly naughty Absolem is! But it's quite amusing, really._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

7 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

More questions! I really enjoy asking you all these things. I only wish I knew your answers, my sweet Hatter. Perhaps I can make another wager with Absolem and if I win, he'll have to ask you one of my questions then relay your answer to me.

1. What's your favourite fruit? Mine are strawberries.

2. Have you ever wished you lived in another time period? I have. I would have liked to have lived in 1830's Paris, being the age I am now. But that's changed. Now I wish I could live in the future.

3. Do you collect anything? I do. I've been collecting photographs, especially from my travels. I can't wait to show them to you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm very glad you have Absolem. I think he's keeping us both sane. Not that you're mad like I am, but you do sound quite unhappy a lot of the time. Yes, make that wager with Absolem and then win so you can ask me a question and get my answer!_

_1. I love strawberries too._

_2. My answer is the same as yours, yet again. I wish to jump forward to the future, when we're finally together._

_3. I used to collect tea cups and teapots but not anymore. I gave them all to Thackery and Mally._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

* * *

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Eight**

8 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Tomorrow we should be arriving in Rangoon. I know I haven't written much about this stretch at sea but it's only because it's all the same and there isn't anything particularly interesting to tell. I have meetings with Lord Ascot about Company business. I read quite a bit, and I take walks around the ship. I eat meals in the dining room with everyone, then I play cards with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen after dinner. And whenever possible, I call for Absolem and we play backgammon. I confess to being somewhat surprised that he comes as often as he does, but I think he likes to play because he wins more often than not. How vexing that is! No, I'm just jesting. Absolem is really quite entertaining. I'm very grateful to have him. Truly. What would I do without him? He's a great comfort to me.

I'd like to ask you more questions but I have a headache tonight and feel a bit off so I'll ask them tomorrow.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I hope you're not coming down with something. But I have a feeling that you are. Please take care of yourself. I couldn't take it if you got sick again._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

9 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

My sweet Hatter, I'm unwell today. I wanted to write you a list of new questions but I'm too ill. We've arrived in Rangoon but I haven't seen it yet because of my current state. Lord Ascot is a bit worried after my last bout with illness but I don't think I'm quite that bad. Absolem is here, looking after me. How sweet he is sometimes! He likes to act so stern but really, when I'm sick or in trouble, he's so kind to me.

I'm afraid I have to cut this letter short because I feel rather dizzy at the moment. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you, as always. I miss you. I wish you could be here, looking after me too.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Oh God, I hope you're alright. I understand why Lord Ascot would be worried. You were so very sick. It was terrifying. Please, please get better quickly, my precious angel. I won't rest until I know you're well again._

_I wish that I could be there with you too. I would look after you and I would take care of you and never leave your side._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

10 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

I've come down with some kind of fever but it's not as bad as it was before, so please don't worry. Absolem is taking good care of me. I wish you could hold me. My head hurts and my mind feels fuzzy. I have to sleep now.

Goodnight, my darling Tarrant. What a lovely name you have! Tarrant. It sounds so nice. Just like you.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm frantic with worry now. You sound delirious again. You said you wished I could hold you and you called me your darling Tarrant. As sweet as it is to read those words, it's too much like what happened last time._

_I couldn't bear it if you were to get sick like you were before. I thought you were going to die. Oh God! I wish I could talk to Absolem. He'd tell me how you really are. I'm going to call for him and see if he comes. I need to know if you're alright._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

11 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

I'm feeling better today. I'm still confined to my cabin and the doctor from Rangoon said I must stay in bed for at least another day, but my fever has broken. Absolem told me he saw you earlier, and that you called for him. Isn't it curious how he can hear us when we call?

You were quite worried about me, he said. That's so very sweet, Tarrant. Knowing that you care so much about me that you called for him just to find out how I'm doing. How very lovely. That makes me happy.

Don't you worry anymore though, because I'm going to be fine. I'm rather tired though so I can only manage this short note. I'll write more tomorrow, my sweet Hatter.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Thank God you're better! Yes, Absolem actually came to me when I called for him and he reassured me that you were alright and that you weren't sick like you were the last time. But getting your letter and seeing for myself that you're not so delirious was really the only thing that helped. I know Absolem can see the truth and I wanted to believe him but I couldn't help but worry._

_I hope that you're listening to the doctor and staying in bed today. You must take care of yourself, angel._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

12 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Honestly! You might not believe this but Absolem can be a bit like a mother hen! I spent all day in bed and at one point I wanted to get up and have a little walk on the deck but he wouldn't let me. I just wanted some fresh air! But no, I had to stay in bed because that infernal butterfly was hovering around me like a guard and he refused to let me go anywhere.

Actually it's rather nice to see him act like that. Don't tell him I told you though. He wants everyone to think he's the all-knowing, wise and untouchable Absolem. But really, he's my Abby. Don't tell him I told you that either. He hates when I call him Abby (although I think he secretly likes it!)

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_You're rather headstrong, aren't you? You have to listen to the doctor, you naughty thing! Good for Absolem for making you stay in bed. Do you really call him Abby? That made me laugh. I can just imagine his expression when you call him that. I'm sure he does secretly like it though. You're so lovable and adorable, how could he not?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

13 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Despite the doctor telling him I was all better, Lord Ascot ordered me to have one more day of rest. So I had no choice but to stay on the ship and in my cabin, though I'm fine now. Everyone is fussing over me!

I want to see Rangoon! We've been here for days and I still haven't seen any of it, not even the view. I'll see it tomorrow though. Finally.

So, now that I'm better I shall ask you some more questions. I still have to make that wager with Absolem but I think I'll wait until a few more days pass. He's a bit put out with me at the moment because I got cross with him for ordering me around.

Here are my questions:

1. Do you ever think that because I slayed the Jabberwocky, that essentially makes me a murderer? Sometimes I do. But I had to do it, didn't I? I don't regret it, but sometimes it does occur to me that I'm actually a killer. It's a bit unnerving.

2. What do you most want me to bring you from this world?

3. Have you ever gone ice skating? Does it even snow in Underland?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Really, you must let people take care of you when it's necessary. I know it's frustrating to be told what to do but honestly, I think you need it sometimes. So you got cross with Absolem, did you? I admit, I actually have to side with him in this. You push yourself too hard, angel. _

_Alright, I shall stop lecturing you now and answer your questions._

_1. You're not a murderer. It was war. That makes it different. I almost killed Stayne at the battle. If I had, __that__ would have made me a murderer, because I had a choice. You didn't. I hope you don't feel too bad about it, angel. The Jabberwocky was a monster and it was your Fate to slay it._

_2. You. Just you. That's all I want._

_3._ _Yes, I have gone ice skating, when I was a child, but it hasn't snowed here in years. The last time it snowed was before the Red Queen stole the crown. _

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

14 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

I didn't get to visit Rangoon after all. We left early this morning and are now back at sea and on our way to Sumatra. Lord Ascot called me to his office so he could speak to me in private, and he explained that we only stayed there as long as we did because of my illness. He told me he insisted on waiting until the doctor confirmed that I was fully recovered before we went back to sea, as the journey to Sumatra shall take several days and he wanted to be sure I was alright and fit to travel. The thought of that made me feel rather guilty. I don't want to be the reason for having to delay our plans and our business. Lord Ascot was very kind and gracious about it so despite my disappointment about missing out on seeing Rangoon, I hid it and thanked him for his concern for my health. We're coming back the same route anyway when we make the return trip to England so I'll get to see it then.

Perhaps I should explain why I was so disappointed I didn't get to go there this time around. Rangoon was one of my father's first ventures beyond what were the usual routes of a Trading Company. He had a vision, one only he could see, and he made it happen. My mother and I were so proud of him for that! I suppose my sister was proud of him too, in her own way, though she can be a trifle self-involved so she wasn't really able to understand just how special and extraordinary he truly was.

When it comes to Rangoon, I was only a child but I remember how everyone around him thought he was imprudent and foolish for having such big dreams and grand ideas. They thought he had no business sense and some even believed he was a bit mad. Most of his peers doubted him and expected that he would end up bringing The Company to ruin, but he proved them all wrong. He was a man of true courage and great vision and I admired him so much for it. He refused to let anyone dissuade him or make him question himself or his dreams and ideals. I want to honour him for that, to honour him for being the exceptional person he was. It's one of the reasons I want to see his final wishes come to fruition. Before he died, his next big plan for The Company was to expand the trading routes to Sumatra and Borneo. So that is what we're going to do next. And after we do that, we're going to work on expanding the routes to China. I'm sure I must have mentioned all of this before but it's what's on my mind tonight so I thought I would write about it. I want you to understand why all of this is so important to me.

As I'm certain I mentioned before, China is my dream. It's something I feel quite driven to accomplish. I think part of that drive must come from being my father's daughter and wanting to carry on in his footsteps because we were so alike and the challenge of trying to expand the trading routes of The Company is something I truly enjoy and find exciting, but I think another part of that drive is to prove that I can do it. I'm not like everyone in this world. Just because others lack vision and the ability to imagine greater possibilities beyond what they can see doesn't mean I'm going to hold myself back and be less than who I am.

I don't care what other people think of me. I don't care if they see me as mad or eccentric or unladylike, because I know what I can do and I believe in myself. I know now that I can accomplish the seemingly impossible. After everything that happened in Underland, I proved that. I got the Bandernatch to let me get the Vorpal Sword and somehow got him on our side, although I'm still not quite sure how I did it. But I did. He came to my rescue when Stayne and the Red Knights had me surrounded in the Courtyard and he helped me escape. He let me ride him and took me to the White Queen's castle. Who would have ever thought such a thing was even possible? Of course, the most seemingly impossible thing I ever did was slaying the Jabberwocky. My experiences in Underland taught me to believe in myself and gave me the courage to trust that I can do whatever I set my mind to. And gaining that confidence in myself changed me because when I declined Hamish's proposal, rather than being shunned or treated as a mistake or a disappointment by Hamish's father, I was instead invited to become Lord Ascot's apprentice with the The Company because I was bold and I told him my ideas and they impressed him. So here I am, travelling to the other side of the world with the Company, because I believed I could and I made it happen. And though I'm truly an apprentice in every sense of the word and still have so much to learn, I have earned Lord Ascot's respect and admiration. He listened to my ideas and he's working with me to make my father's vision and my vision a reality. Truth be told, it's become his vision too now. He's as excited about expanding the new routes as I am, I think.

Here are tonight's questions:

1. Have you ever heard of the Seven Deadly Sins? They come from a book called the Bible, which is considered to be the word of God, according to the Christian religion. In a recent letter, I asked you about religion before, if there is religion in Underland, but I don't know the answer because you aren't allowed to write back to me. In any case, the Seven Deadly Sins are Wrath, Greed, Sloth, Pride, Lust, Envy, and Gluttony. My question is, do you think it's a sin that I feel pride about what I'm doing now? Do you think it's wrong that I'm proud of my vision and my dreams and proud that I'm able to carry them out, despite being not only a woman, but a very young woman?

Maybe I'll just stick to that one question tonight because it's making me ponder some rather profound thoughts, not just about sins but about religion in general. You see, the Bible is supposed to be the word of God, yet it was written by men and has been passed down and changed over the centuries. I'm not sure what I believe, to be honest. There are some things in the Bible that I believe to be true but then there is so much that contradicts itself. It seems as if a lot of what is written was merely a means to subjugate women and suppress the common people so that those in power could maintain control over everyone. According to the Bible, God is meant to be feared. But how can something Divine be feared? It doesn't make sense. During my time in Bombay, I spoke at length with some of the Brahmins about their religion and their beliefs and they had many interesting views and ideas which gave me a lot to mull over and think about. And ultimately, the things I learned from them made me question a lot of the teachings of the Bible, and religion as a whole. I'm still trying to work it all out.

As you can see, I'm in a pensive mood tonight. I wish you were here so we could talk about this in person. I want to know what you think. I want to know what your beliefs are. There's so much I want to know about you. And I want to know what you think about me, about my thoughts and my questions and who I am as a person.

Goodnight, my dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_You have explained why you're doing what you're doing before, but you explained it even more clearly in this most recent letter. I __understand__. I do. Truly. I miss you terribly and wish we could be together right now, but I understand why we can't. I see now that this is something you need to do and I'm very proud of you even though it hurts so much to be apart._

_To answer your question, no, I don't think it's a sin for you to be proud of yourself for what you're accomplishing. I haven't heard of the Bible or the Seven Deadly Sins though I have to say, the list of those sins does seem to have some merit. However, I think Pride could only be considered a sin if it's taken to an extreme. Do you understand what I mean? There's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling proud of one's achievements, if it's tempered with humbleness. You have so much to be proud of, Alice. Perhaps the best way to put it is, you're proud of what you've done and what you're able to do but you're not boastful or smug about it. That's what makes the difference. You have had to fight so hard for everything you've accomplished, in Underland but most especially in the Otherworld, and that makes your achievements even greater and more impressive and it should give you all the more reason to be proud of yourself._

_There's one sin on the list that I wonder about but I hesitate to bring it up, as it's such a scandalous topic and it certainly isn't something one should discuss, especially with a woman. But your letter has made me rather pensive too so I shall be bold and write about it because I need to work it out and perhaps writing about it will help me understand it more clearly. _

_The sin in question is Lust. I never felt it before. Never, in all my life. But I have to admit, I do feel it now, towards you. Is that wrong? If I've been having those thoughts about you, thoughts of being with you, of holding you and kissing you...and more than that, but I want it because I love you and I want to be close to you and I want us to join together in body and soul, is it really a sin? And is that truly even Lust, if it's born from Love? _

_It's so confusing and I don't know what to think about it all. I know I shouldn't be talking about this but since you won't actually get this letter I hope it's alright. If it really is a sin to love you and want to be with you in __that__ way, if it's a sin to sometimes imagine being with you like that, I hope you can forgive me for it. It's true - I am having lustful thoughts about you. Am I besmirching your innocent purity by thinking such things? Oh God, I'm starting to feel so confused now. Nothing makes sense and everything is becoming a blur. It's all swirling around in my head, too fast. I don't know what's right or wrong suddenly. My mind is racing and I have no control of it. I'm losing myself, Alice. Oh no...I can feel the madness taking over..._

_I'm back now. I had a bit of a spell, but I went for a walk and I'm alright now. I still don't know what to think regarding what I wrote above so I shall put it out of my mind. It's too much to comprehend at the moment. All I can say is, if I've done you wrong, please forgive me._

_Religion in the Otherworld sounds very complicated. I don't know enough about the basic ideas and concepts to really say what I think about it. But I fully agree that the Divine is nothing to be feared. It's to be embraced and welcomed and honoured, but never feared. How can one fear something so pure and sacred and beautiful? I think you'll have to explain the beliefs of the Otherworld religions more in depth to me because I can't understand it at all._

_You want to know what I think about you - your thoughts, your questions, who you are as a person? Where would I begin? If I were to start writing about all that, I would never stop. So I'll put it simply. You're the most incredible person I've ever met and the more I get to know you through these letters, the more my love and admiration for you grows. I'm so in love with you it physically hurts sometimes. You're all I think about. Being apart from you gets harder every day. I miss you so much, I sometimes have spells of madness which only get worse when I'm having them because I get lost in the fear that you'll be scared off by that part of me. _

_That thought is something that terrifies me to no end. When I get like that, when I get lost in my spells of madness, I have to hide away from everyone until I calm down. You've made me feel something I never knew was even possible. Could you ever feel the same way, to the same degree that I do? I know you love me too but I wonder if you'll ever love me as much as I love you._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

* * *

**** A/N: For further clarity and a deeper understanding of this story and my characterisation of both Alice and Tarrant, please read the Author's Notes at the end of this chapter.**

**

* * *

**

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Nine**

15 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

We shall be at sea for several days so I know I'm going to be rather miserable because I have too much time to think. I miss you. I feel so alone, Tarrant. If I didn't have Absolem I don't know what I'd do. I want to write a long letter and ask you more questions but I'm feeling quite depressed right now.

I'll write more tomorrow.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_You were crying when you wrote your letter. I can see the traces of your tears on the parchment. It kills me that you're hurting like this. I feel so helpless and frustrated and angry. If we were together, we'd both be happy. Why can't I be with you in the Otherworld? I want you to do what you've set out to do in your world, but you could do it with me by your side. Yet Fate is determined to keep us apart right now. _

_It's not fair!_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

16 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Forgive me, my sweet Hatter. My last few letters have been so strange. I'm sorry. I don't know what is wrong with me. I tried to talk to Absolem about it and he said it's perfectly obvious what's wrong with me, but really, it's not, at least to me. Is it obvious to you?

I just know I'm depressed and I feel sad a lot of the time. But I don't want to send you sad letters. I'm scared they're putting you off and making you think less of me. Do you want me to stop writing to you until I feel better?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Oh God, please don't stop writing to me! I couldn't bear it. I'm calling for Absolem. This has gone on long enough! Why won't he bloody __do__ something? (Pardon my swearing, angel. I'm very upset right now.)_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

17 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Absolem is here with me right now, gloating, because he just won at backgammon. Thank you for sending me that message. It made me so happy to know you want me to keep writing to you, no matter what. Abby is terrible though! He wouldn't tell me your message until I got the hookah out and helped him smoke a bit. What a devious creature he is! He's waiting for another game, so I shall write more after we finish playing. He said if I win, he'll tell me the second part of your message, so now I really have to win! Wish me luck!

Guess what? I won! And he told me your second message. Is it true, my sweet Hatter? Abby said you wanted me to know that you care about me as much as I care about you, and that you miss me as much as I miss you, and that you feel the same special connection between us that I do. That made me very happy. I have to admit, I was actually starting to become quite worried that you perhaps thought I was making more out of our connection than warranted, since we only spent a few days together. But Absolem assured me that wasn't the case. Then he laughed at me and called me a dunderhead and a silly, foolish girl, but it didn't bother me because I know he was only teasing me. He's still here with me, wanting to play more backgammon (and have another go at the hookah, I suspect!), so I must say goodnight now, but I just wanted to tell you how happy I was to get your messages.

Goodnight, my dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_You sounded so happy in your letter it made me feel like my heart was going to burst. Because you were happy about me - __because__ of me. But really, you are such a silly thing, not seeing what's right in front of you! I can't wait for the day when you finally admit that you love me._

_Absolem is such an odd creature, isn't he? When I called him and told him he had to give you my message and you needed to know how I felt because you were so desperately unhappy, he laughed at me. I got angry and yelled at him and told him it wasn't funny and then I confronted him about knowing the truth about our Fate and he stopped laughing and said, "Then trust in it and stop fighting against it." I think I must have looked quite sad and uncertain because then he said, in what for him was a gentle voice, "One musn't interfere with Fate. One must let it unfold as it will and trust that it knows what it's doing." I was about to ask him to tell me more but he interrupted me and said he would relay my message to you and then he disappeared before I could say anything else. It was all rather cryptic but I think that I understand what he was trying to say. I have to trust that we'll be together, no matter how hard things are at the moment. There's a reason things are the way they are and I can't let it get to me because in the end, we'll have what we want._

_I'm just happy that you know how I feel now. I wanted to have him tell you all of it, how I truly feel, but I didn't want to scare you. If you can't admit to yourself that you love me, you're not ready to know just how much I love you. So this is enough for now._

_Once again, I found myself laughing trying to picture Absolem making you help him smoke from the hookah. What a little rascal he is, blackmailing you in such a way! But I can't help but laugh. The two of you together are quite amusing and I love the stories you tell me about what the pair of you get up to in the Otherworld. I know I don't have to worry because he would never get you in real trouble. He would never let anything bad happen, so even if he can be rather naughty, it's not really so terrible._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

18 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Because I'm in a better mood now, I was more sociable today. I played cards with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen and then another man joined us. I suspect it was set up. I don't understand why Miss Prescott is so determined to match me up with someone and why she seems to have forgotten that I'm not interested in that. As you know, I had told her when we were in Bombay that I have been writing to someone who is special to me. What I don't understand is why she doesn't assume it to be a beau that I've been writing to. Whether you are or not my beau isn't the point. She should assume it is so. Has she forgotten?

In any case, the man is called Mr. Shelby and he joined us on the ship in Rangoon so I hadn't met him until today. I admit, he's rather handsome and charming but honestly, I'm just not interested. He's amusing and witty and quite intelligent so really, it would be nice to have him as a friend, but it just doesn't work that way, does it? I'm not that naïve. It was obvious that he was taken with me and I can tell he intends to pursue me but I can't imagine I'll ever feel that way about him.

So now I have yet another suitor. A nice one, admittedly, but an unwanted one, nevertheless. Why won't everyone just let me be? I shall have to handle this carefully, letting him know I'm not interested, but doing it in a way that won't hurt his feelings.

I wish you were here. How much easier everything would be! If you were, would you pretend to be my beau? Would you pretend to court me? I wouldn't mind it if we had to pretend. You could hold my hand and gaze into my eyes looking at me as if you really love me and we'd make sure everyone saw that. Of course, we'd have to act as if we were trying to hide it. We'd have to act as if we were trying to keep our love for each other a secret, but we could let people "accidentally catch us unaware" and then everyone would think that I'm spoken for and no one would bother me anymore. Though really, I imagine it would probably take more than just one incident to actually convince people. So I think that you'd have to "get caught" holding my hand more than once and perhaps you could even "get caught" stealing a kiss from me. I'd let you. Only you, though. Does the thought of kissing me horrify you? Would you be able to do it, to pretend for me? Would you mind it? Or would you think it wrong? I wonder. Do you just see me more as a sister of sorts or is it possible you could pretend that you love me in a romantic way?

Oh no! I just realised, I'm making it sound like I just want to use you. But it's not true. I would never do that to you, Tarrant. You know that, I hope. You do, don't you? I care about you so much, more than I can say. I would never use you for my own selfish purposes. But don't you see, that's exactly why I could do it? What I mean is, that's why I could pretend that I'm in love with you and pretend that you're the one for me, the only one I could ever truly love.

Goodness! Why am I going on like this? Forgive me. I can be quite silly sometimes.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Oh God, are you really that innocent? I wondered if you ever thought about kissing me, when you weren't delirious with fever, and now I have my answer. It's so sweet how it has to be "pretend" for you. But why can't you just admit your true feelings? Though, I suppose you are admitting them, in your own way. I think you're hiding them more from yourself than me. Why are you so afraid to love me?_

_As for this Mr. Shelby, he better not go too far in his attempts to woo you. If you hadn't gone on about our "pretend courtship" I would be mad with jealousy right now. You said he's handsome and charming and amusing and intelligent. What if you end up falling in love with him? Now I __am__ really jealous. And quite afraid._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

19 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Today I played cards again with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen and Mr. Shelby. Despite knowing Mr. Shelby is interested in pursuing me, I can't help but like him anyway. He's nice and makes me laugh. But I'm still quite sure that I could never feel anything more for him other than friendship. It makes it a bit more difficult, I admit.

Absolem questioned me about it earlier while we were playing backgammon, wanting to know how I felt about him. I told him I just wanted to be friends, but he warned me that Mr. Shelby sees me in quite a different light and that he didn't think a friendship with him would be possible once I reject his courtship.

I asked him why he seemed so certain that Mr. Shelby was planning on attempting to formally court me and Absolem stared at me and just shook his head and sighed. Then he called me a ninny which made me laugh. Really though, I'm not so sure Mr. Shelby is quite that interested. It's clear he does harbours some feeling for me but I doubt it's that strong that he would want to pursue a true "official" courtship. Perhaps we can be friends. Why does it have to be impossible?

I miss you, my sweet Hatter. I'd much rather spend time with you than anyone else. But you're not here. I have Absolem but he can't always be here either. I suppose that's why I'm hoping to find friendship here in this world. Being at sea is so boring. And I feel lonely.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Like Absolem, I'm quite certain that Mr. Shelby will never settle for just a friendship with you. How could he? I'm trying to stay calm because you've made it clear you don't feel anything more than friendship for him, but that could change and that thought has me terrified. I know that you're lonely but please, angel, be careful not to let that loneliness drive you into another man's arms. I'm so scared now, Alice. You never liked any of the other men who pursued you. But it's different with this man. You do like him. _

_I can't write any more now. I'm too sad._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

20 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Mr. Shelby has put me in a rather uncomfortable position. He declared himself and asked permission to court me. I don't know what to do. We were interrupted before I could answer so now I'm hiding out in my cabin, trying to figure out how to let him down without hurting his feelings.

Would it be wrong if I fibbed and told him I'm already spoken for? What do you think? How I wish you were here, Tarrant. You could give me advice. I'd like to know your opinion about what's happening. Honestly! Why does it always end up like this?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Yes! Please, tell him you're already spoken for! Or really, tell him you're not interested in him in that way. I think you might regret it if you didn't tell the truth. I feel so jealous and angry and helpless. I don't know what to do! It's driving me quite mad._

_Again, I can't write any more now. I'm too upset._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

21 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

This whole situation had me so confused I had trouble sleeping last night. Finally, I ended up calling for Absolem and he helped me figure things out. He told me it might be easier to just say a little fib and tell Mr. Shelby I can't accept his courtship because I'm already spoken for, but that doing such a thing would be utterly cowardly. He said I wouldn't be me if I did that. I admit, it made me feel rather ashamed of myself. Absolem is right. I have to be brave and true to myself, which means I have to be honest.

So when I encountered Mr. Shelby this morning and he once again asked permission to court me, I told him the truth. I told him that I was flattered by his regard for me but that I only felt friendship towards him and hoped we could be friends. I could see it hurt his feelings but I know that I was right in my actions. I don't want to be a coward and take the easy way out. I have to be myself and never waver like that again. I'm so glad Absolem set me straight. What would I do without him?

In any case, despite my honesty, it seems that Mr. Shelby still harbours the hope that I'll change my mind. How vexing! Absolem was right. A friendship with him isn't possible. I know that now. I tried to be friendly with him today, hoping he had accepted my rejection, but it just made him think he still had a chance to convince me he was the right man for me. He actually said that, in those words. I told him he was wrong and that I was sure about my feelings and they wouldn't change, but he doesn't believe that.

But now there are the consequences of my being honest, unfortunately. Miss Prescott couldn't believe I turned Mr. Shelby down. She's starting to remind me of everyone in London. She said I have to consider the future and that if I'm not careful, I might end up a spinster. I know that she means well, but really! Why is everyone so determined to have me married? It's insulting that people think marriage is the only thing of worth in a woman's life. I'd rather be a spinster forever than be with someone less than my true love.

You understand, don't you, my sweet Hatter? You wouldn't want me to be with anyone but my true match, I know. Just like I don't want you to be with anyone but yours. But I have to tell you, I don't think your true match is in Underland right now. So don't let anyone turn your head.

So once again, here I am, hiding out in my cabin and wishing you were here, as usual. I miss you. And after hearing your message from Abby, I know you miss me too. Do you really care about me as much as I care about you and miss me as much as I miss you? I can't imagine that. To be honest, I'm not sure it's quite true. I don't mean to imply that you were lying. I just mean, you have your friends in Underland, so perhaps it's not the same. You're not alone like I am.

I think I must miss you more than you do me, because there's no one who means as much to me as you do. There's Abby, of course, but that's different. He and I have a very special connection and I adore him but it's not the same. He's a bit like a father figure to me, and you're not. The special connection I have with you is something else entirely. I'm glad you feel it too. But I wonder how you think of it. What do you think of me? I mean, how do you regard me? As a friend? A sister? Something else?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Thank God you rejected that man! I went quite mad yesterday, imagining the worst. I'm glad Absolem set you straight. As much as I like reading your lovely imaginings of my being your "pretend" beau, I want to be the real thing. So I'm happy you stayed true to yourself._

_I'm annoyed though that he didn't seem to accept your rejection of him. Why can't he just leave you alone? I hate hearing about the men who want you, even though you don't want them. I never knew I could feel such intense and consuming jealousy. I never felt such a thing before. But I certainly do now. _

_I'm sorry Miss Prescott is acting like that. It must make you feel even more distant from her, which in turn must make you feel all the more alone. Don't let it get to you, my sweet angel. One day we'll be together and we won't be sad or lonely ever again. I know it._

_That last part of your letter was rather revealing, don't you think? How is it you can't see the truth? When will you admit it? With each passing letter, you seem to be getting closer and closer to admitting your true feelings for me. But you do it through questions. Are you simply waiting for me to tell you that I love you, so you can admit how you feel? Is that what it is, Alice? Fear that I don't love you the same way that you love me? I wish I could tell you that I love you. I wish that I could ask Absolem to relay that message to you and tell you the truth, but deep down, I know this is something that you must work through yourself._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

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_

22 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Today makes it exactly 8 months since I last saw you. I miss you so much. I feel quite sad tonight. Forgive me. I can't write a long letter right now.

I'll write more tomorrow.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_So it's been 8 months now since we were last together? That makes me sad too. It seems like it's taking forever and you're not even halfway through your journey. Will the halfway point be when you get to China? And when you finish this trip and finally get back to London, is that when you'll return to Underland? Will you have finished doing everything you set out to do? Or do you think it will be longer? Do you even know?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

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_

**** A/N: A recent review brought up something I've wanted to address to the readers, to clear up any misunderstandings or misconceptions about the way Alice and Tarrant express themselves in their letters. The review said: "i don't think they wold be that forward in their letters and just say i love you just like that" **

**My response:**

**Tarrant would be completely different and wouldn't be anywhere close to how bold he's being if he were actually **_**sending**_** the letters to Alice. Those who have read **_**Alice in Underland**_** (the original story - **_**The Letters**_** are a prequel which I started after I finished **_**Alice in Underland**_**), know that when Alice returns to Underland, once they see each other in person again, Tarrant is actually very shy at first and Alice is a bit shy too. They're both a lot bolder in their letters because of the distance and the lack of immediate physical response from the other. They wouldn't be as confident and forward and daring the way they are in the letters if they were actually communicating in person, or even if it was a two-sided correspondence and Tarrant was able to send his letters to Alice. He would be writing **_**very**_** differt things if he could send them to her. **

**He says his true thoughts and feelings in his letters almost like it's a journal, which he **_**might**_** let Alice read, once the two of them are fully together and not in doubt about their love for each other. Physical distance can be amazingly liberating.**

**Tarrant says I love you because he knows Alice won't be getting his letters. Alice only said it when she was sick and completely delirious with fever, and she doesn't remember saying it now that she's better.**

_**Alice in Underland: The Letters**_** is a bit like a modern day long distance relationship that starts online. I should know, as I lived that very experience firsthand. My husband and I met on a messageboard and are from two different countries, and he and I are a lot like Alice and Tarrant. We were far bolder getting to know each other through emails, IMs, and the phone than we would have been if we'd met in person.**

**** Another review brought up a different question. The review: **_**Awww! Tarrant really should be a little..."mad"-er. **_

**My response:**

**I don't know if you've read the original story **_**Alice in Underland**_** but I explained my characterisation of Tarrant's madness quite in depth in my Author's Notes. Here are some of the notes from the story which I've copied and will paste here.**

**Author's Note from Chapter 13 in **_**Alice in Underland**_**:**

_**I've done a lot of research for this story - reading the original script, seeing the movie several times, and reading a lot of interviews where Johnny Depp explains his characterisation of Tarrant (if you look up the movie on Wikipedia there's one interview there that really explains it in detail). **_

_**Tarrant's madness is expressed by his many personalities which we see when his eyes change colour and his accent changes; his many moods and personalities switch back and forth in the blink of an eye. A large part of his madness comes from mercury poisoning, something common for hatmakers in that age because they used mercury to cure the fabric for their hats. Another part of it comes from his natural eccentricity (like Alice). And part of it comes from being an outsider (also like Alice). He also suffered from the trauma of living under the Red Queen's tyrannical reign over Underland, and sometimes he acted more mad than he really was to keep them from bothering with him, using it as a coping mechanism. **_

**Author's Note from Chapter 13 in **_**Alice in Underland**_**:**

_**In this chapter, you'll see how and where Tarrant's madness/mental imbalance manifests itself. It's my belief that he's not "insane" but he is mentally ill, although his mental illness is functional and he can live a fairly normal life. Alice understands Tarrant, and she understands his madness, and loves and accepts him for who is...completely. Not only does she understand his mental illness, she's so in tune with him she knows exactly how to help him when he's having a bad spell, and she doesn't judge him nor does she expect him to be 'better' - she completely accepts and loves him for who he is. Hopefully I've conveyed that clearly in this particular chapter.**_

**In this story, we're only seeing Tarrant for about what would essentially be half an hour (or less) a day. When he responds to Alice's letters, he's calm, undistracted and generally in control of himself and his mind. I've seen the movie dozens of times now and I have the original script, and in both the movie and the original script, there are plenty of times when Tarrant is quite normal when he talks. His madness isn't going to show as much in this story because we're seeing him solely through his letters and his words. But you see it much more clearly in **_**Alice in Underland**_** because his madness is shown by his actions and reactions. In **_**The Letters**_**, he's mentally focused and he's in a state where he's generally not agitated by the things physically around him (which is what usually triggers his spells of madness). Again, my characterisation of him in **_**Alice in Underland **_**(which unfolded over the course of 65 chapters) was carefully thought out, as I understand mental illness on a **_**very**_** personal level. Tarrant isn't "insane" - he's mentally ill, but functionally so. **

**I hope that explains this story and my characterisation of Alice and Tarrant better. Though I think to truly understand them and my interpretation and portrayal of them, you have to read **_**Alice In Underland**_**, as I wrote that first and it's more polished. This is still a rough draft. As I did with **_**Alice in Underland**_**, I'll be writing the whole story of **_**The Letters**_** straight through without stopping, then once it's complete, I'll go back and really edit and refine everything.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

* * *

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Ten**

23 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

We're in Sumatra now. We got in sometime before dawn and the men from the Company had a busy day meeting with various traders of tea, coffee, tobacco, pepper, cinnamon, and cochineal and indigo (both of which make dyes that are used to colour fabrics and textiles - cochineal makes a red pigment, while the indigo plant makes an indigo blue dye). I wasn't allowed off the ship though because at the moment Sumatra is on the brink of war with the Dutch and Lord Ascot said it isn't safe for me nor Miss Prescott to go ashore. I don't know if I mentioned the impending war before. In any case, I had a feeling Lord Ascot wouldn't let me go and see Sumatra under the current circumstances but I'd hoped I was wrong, though I do understand why we had to stay on the ship. I was rather disappointed about it so I called for Absolem to talk about it and he agreed that it truly isn't safe for two women to be there right now and that if we went ashore, Miss Prescott and I would be in danger. So instead of seeing Sumatra and helping the Company get our business done there, I spent most of the day with Miss Prescott making Christmas cards and ornaments for the Christmas tree.

We made the Christmas cards and a number of the ornaments out of paper and cardboard, which we painted and decorated. The rest of the ornaments were made out of dough - we moulded some of them by hand, and cut the others into various shapes using a large assortment of cookie cutters (Lord Ascot brought along all the necessary supplies from London when he packed for the journey, knowing that we'd be spending Christmas on the ship). After forming and cutting the dough into the desired ornament shapes, the dough had to dry, and once that was done and they were ready, we painted them all, then threaded and fastened some ribbon through the holes at the top so the ornaments can be hung on the tree. Truth be told, making the ornaments and the cards actually turned out to be quite a fun project, so in the end, Miss Prescott and I weren't that upset about our missing out on the opportunity to visit Sumatra.

While we worked together, I had a long talk with Miss Prescott about Mr. Shelby and my lack of interest in him as a suitor, which went quite well. She understands now that I don't want any more men trying to woo or pursue me, under any circumstances, no matter if they're "a good match" for me or not. I reminded her that I've been corresponding with someone who's very special to me, not giving any more detail than that, and she drew her own conclusions, which obviously were that the special someone to whom I've been writing is a beau. She then apologised for trying to play matchmaker and made a promise that she wouldn't do it again in the future. So the distance between us is gone now and I feel closer to her, the way I did before, which makes me feel happier. I admit that I feel the need to have a friend in this world (other than Absolem), especially on this trip with the Company, because as you know, I've been rather lonely.

How I miss you, Tarrant! It would be so different if you were here with me. I'm glad to have Miss Prescott's friendship and I'm really grateful for it, but the truth is, she'll never be able to understand me, not like you I know you could. I know that Absolem understands me and he and I have a special connection, but as I've said before, it's not the same as ours.

Tonight after dinner I played a few hands of Whist with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen and a man from the Company called Mr. Thomas (he's a happily married man so thankfully I don't need to worry about unwanted attentions from him), and afterwards, I retired to my cabin then played several games of backgammon with Absolem. He told me you don't celebrate Christmas in Underland so he's excited to see what it's all about.

Tomorrow night is Christmas Eve. We're going to have a party and we'll be using the ornaments we made today to trim the tree which one of the men from the Company was able to get from Sumatra today. Lord Ascot is quite determined to make the holiday as special as possible and has made preparations to create a traditional English Christmas though I imagine it will still be a bit strange, as it doesn't exactly feel like Christmas here in this part of the world. The weather is too warm.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm so very glad you and Miss Prescott had your talk and that she's promised to stop trying to play matchmaker and will no longer be putting you in unwanted and awkward situations by attempting to set you up with other men. I like that you told her in that innocent, roundabout way of yours that you have a beau. It's so sweet. Deep down, I know you consider me as such, even if you won't admit it to anyone, even yourself. _

_I'm quite relieved to know you're heeding Lord Ascot's and Absolem's warnings about the danger you'd be in if you went ashore to Sumatra, especially because of Absolem's warning. The fact that he said what he did means something actually would have happened to you if you'd gone. I wonder sometimes how much you know about his abilities - about his ability to always see the truth, and that he always knows how things are going to go. He knows the Fates that shall come to pass. Are you aware of that?_

_In any case, despite your having to miss out on visiting Sumatra, it sounds like you had a good time making all those Christmas cards and ornaments. I can tell that you feel much happier now. And that makes me happy._

_I wish I were there with you too. I miss you so much._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

24 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Another day stuck on the ship but Miss Prescott and I kept ourselves busy helping with the preparations for the Christmas Eve celebration. Lord Ascot said the meetings went well and were very productive and we now have several contracts in the works, so Sumatra was a success. I'm just sorry I didn't get a chance to see it.

We're back at sea now and on our way to Singapore.

So, let me tell you about tonight. Because of all the decorations and the holiday spirit, it actually feels more like Christmas than I thought it would. The Christmas Eve party was lovely for the most part. Everyone was in a festive mood. After dinner, we had a wonderful time singing Christmas carols and trimming the tree as we drank spiced cider and eggnog and played games like Charades and Lookabout and The Minister's Cat. The only bad thing that happened was when Mr. Shelby suggested we play the game Blindman's Bluff, which would be a rather naughty game to play in mixed company. He was obviously hoping to get an opportunity to try to grope me! Isn't that disgusting? Lord Ascot was not amused in the least - he actually got quite angry at him for making such a scandalous suggestion and said, "Absolutely not! There are ladies present." He must have seen the way Mr. Shelby was looking at me because a short while after that, he pulled me aside and asked if Mr. Shelby has been bothering me. So I told him about the courtship proposal and that despite my rejection of it, Mr. Shelby still hasn't seemed to have gotten the message that I'm not interested. Lord Ascot looked very annoyed about that and said he'd have a word with him. He was very nice. I can see he doesn't like what's been happening. He's certainly not happy with all the men trying to pursue me. He told me he looks upon me as a sort of daughter, which I thought was rather sweet because his words were clearly genuine, and then he said he can't help but feel protective of me and that he doesn't want me to have to worry about men bothering me. He understands that I just want to be an apprentice with the Company and promised he'd make it clear again that I'm to be left alone. So hopefully that will be the end of it.

As tomorrow is Christmas, I have a present for you. Right now I don't quite know how I'll do it, but somehow I'm going to make sure Absolem gives my present to you. I hope you like it.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_That Mr. Shelby is a cad! I know what the game Blindman's Bluff is, and there's no doubt about it - that despicable man was just trying to find a way to have an excuse to touch you, and as you put it, to grope you. How dare he! Really, he's almost as bad as the Pig Man. I'm glad Lord Ascot intervened and it gives me geat comfort to know that he's so protective of you. I'm certain he'll have a talk with the men in the Company (I imagine that he'll do it discreetly but effectively, judging from the way you've described him) and I hope this time they get the message._

_Oh, my sweet angel! It's later in the day now and Absolem just left. I love your present! I can't tell you how happy it made me to get it. It's so wonderful! I love you so much, Alice. And now I have a physical token of your feeling for me. I'll never take it off. _

_I hope you like my present. I can't begin to describe how hard it was to convince Absolem to bring it to you but somehow I managed it._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

25 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Happy Christmas, my sweet Hatter. Did you like my present? I know men don't traditionally wear jewellery but it's not an ordinary pendant - it's a special protection amulet that I got in Bombay for you. Absolem told me you liked it very much and that when he gave it to you (or rather, you took it off him), you found a longer cord and put it on immediately. That made me smile. Are you wearing it right now?

Thank you for the beautiful rose. Absolem was quite cross delivering it to me. When he appeared, he spat the stem out of his mouth and then yelled at me, saying, "Never again, you horrid girl!" I can only imagine how he was with you! I never knew a blue butterfly's face could turn so red. I couldn't help but laugh, which made him launch into an angry tirade about not being our personal delivery service. But then he calmed down when I gave him his present - a second packet of tobacco that I secretly got in Bombay and kept hidden all this time (I knew he'd go through the first one and I couldn't think of what else to give a butterfly for a Christmas gift). He was much nicer after getting his present then after I helped him smoke a bit from the hookah he told me your message that the rose was pink because it's my secret favourite colour. I can't believe you remembered that! You're the only one I've ever told that to so it means a lot to me that you remembered. It's very thoughtful of you. Absolem was very strange though. He smirked at me and asked if I thought perhaps you were trying to tell me something else in choosing that colour. He said a pink rose is a symbol of a new romance that has yet to bloom into full passion (those were his exact words - I'm not making it up!), and that it also symbolises joy and sweet affection, as well as wishing luck upon the recipient. When he asked me that and told me the meaning, I asked him if he thought it was what you really meant but he wouldn't answer. Is that what you meant? Was the colour choice more than just what you said in your message and actually a symbol of what Absolem described? Or is Absolem just being silly?

I'm looking at the rose right now as I'm writing this. It's on my bedside table in a vase I got from the ship's kitchen. How very sweet it was of you to give me a present at all since you don't celebrate Christmas yourself. I treasure it specially because it's so lovely and because it's from you. Do you recall my mentioning in one of my previous letters that I wished I still had the dress that you made me after you shrunk me to fit in the teapot, and how I wished I had something tangible from Underland and from you especially to have with me in this world, instead of just my memories? Now I have something from you that I can keep close. That makes me very happy. When the rose dries out I plan to press it into a book so I'll always have it. It means so much to me.

Surprisingly, Christmas on the ship was actually quite nice. There was the traditional Christmas dinner of roast goose with sage and onion dressing, cranberry sauce, bread stuffing and apples, plum pudding, assorted mince pies and gingerbread biscuits, as well as spiced cider, mulled wine and eggnog to drink. We even had Christmas crackers. Miss Prescott and I handed out all the Christmas cards, which were greatly appreciated. We made sure none of the men got any ideas that they were meant as anything but friendly holiday wishes - in addition to our signing them, Lord Ascot signed them all personally as well. I received a lot of gifts this year, despite being on the ship. Lord Ascot gave me some books and a new writing quill and an inkwell. He also gave me the gifts my mother and sister sent along (which they got before we left London and asked him to give to me on Christmas Day). My mother gave me a very fine backgammon set (which Absolem loved!), some books, a tin of sweets and a rather lovely journal, and Margaret gave me some hair ribbons and two puzzles. Surprisingly, Hamish sent along a Christmas gift for me too, which I thought was a bit strange. His present was a kaleidoscope. It's actually quite a nice gift, though as I said, I found it a bit odd to get a gift from him at all, considering I rejected his proposal.

Miss Prescott gave me a beautiful sari that she bought in Bombay which she had seen me looking at. We laughed because I got her a sari too, one I noticed she had her eye on but never bought for herself. Mr. Bowen gave me an atlas which was very nice of him. As I consider Mr. Bowen a friend of sorts, I had asked Miss Prescott while we were in Bombay what I should get him for his Chruistmas gift, so she helped me pick something appropriate for him - a book of poems by Edgar Allan Poe, which was a lucky find, as he's an American writer. He was very happy with it. Several of the men I work with in the Company gave me Christmas cards, including Mr. Shelby and Mr. Caldwell. I think Lord Ascot must have spoken to Mr. Shelby because according to what Mr. Bowen told her, Miss Prescott said Mr. Shelby had intended to give a gift to me but he didn't give me anything but the card, thank heavens. It's bad enough that I received cards at all from the men I've rejected, not to mention the gift from Hamish (though the kaleidoscope really is rather lovely). How horrid it would have been if Mr. Shelby gave me his gift - apparently it was a necklace he bought in Sumatra. That's such a brazen choice, and very presumptuous, as such a thing would be considered a courting gift. Of course, I would have had to refuse it, which would have been uncomfortable so I'm very happy I wasn't put in that position.

Absolem's present to me was giving me your present. Though he also gave me his own version of a present - a promise that he'd scare the next man who tried to woo me. When I asked him how he'd do it, he said he'd find the man when he was sleeping and wake him up in the dark and whisper menacing things in his ear and then disappear before the man could turn the lights on. The thought of it made us laugh and I told him I almost wanted someone to try to pursue me just to get Absolem to do that. How terrible we are!

So all in all, this Christmas turned out to be wonderful. Last night's party, today's Christmas dinner, the cards, the gifts, all of it. But out of everything, the best part was receiving your pink rose. I love it.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm so very happy you liked the rose - or loved it, as you said. Yes, Absolem was quite right - the colour choice was indeed symbolic and I knew exactly what it meant. But I didn't tell you in my message and instead asked him to tell you it was pink because it's your secret favourite colour. I didn't send the message about it's real meaning because I didn't want to be too forward and I didn't want to scare you with such a bold declaration. Until you can admit your true feelings about me, I can't tell you mine. Though Absolem certainly tried to give you quite a hint! How devious he is! _

_I laughed at your description of his delivery methods and what he said. He was very annoyed with me too, as I'm sure you can imagine. It took a lot of convincing to get him to even take the rose to give it to you in the first place, especially since it entailed his having to carry it in his mouth. You should have seen the expression on his face when I asked him! At first he refused to do it, and I was worried I'd never convince him. But then I told him how much it would mean to you to get a gift from me in return, and that you had told me in a letter how much you wished you had something from me to carry with you in the Otherworld. So he finally relented. He was also annoyed about his having to wear the pendant (or amulet, as you call it) in order to bring it to me. When I took it off him, he told me the only reason he agreed to deliver it to me was because you beat him at a game of backgammon and that was your wager and the prize. Though really, I think he's secretly enjoying playing matchmaker for us._

_I find it quite interesting that you mentioned how Mr. Shelby's intended gift of a necklace would be considered a courting gift - and yet your present to me was a necklace of sorts. Did you realise that? I don't think so. You're still clinging to your innocence about such things. But it's very revealing. How adorable you are not to see it. Though I admit, it's rather frustrating too. I won't complain because really, all that matters is the truth, and one day you'll figure it out. I can't wait for that day to come!_

_How delightfully evil of Absolem to promise to scare off the next man who tries to pursue you. The thought of him whispering menacing things in the ear of your next "suitor", especially in the dark, had me laughing quite hard._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

26 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Today is Boxing Day but we didn't celebrate it because of being on the ship, though Lord Ascot did - he gave gifts to the all the service people on the ship which is the custom. The holiday spirit is still going strong and we had a good time continuing the festivities. Dinner was a rather merry affair and afterwards, we played games and had more spiced cider and mulled wine and eggnog, along with gingerbread biscuits, mince pies and cakes. The games are rather entertaining, especially Charades. It can be quite silly which is amusing. Even more amusing was the fact that Absolem hid in the room while we were playing so he could watch, then later he had me in stitches with his commentary about some of the men's attempts to act out their parts. Absolem is quite adept at doing imitations of people, and I know it's terrible, but it makes me laugh. He can be so horrid!

My rose is alive and well. I'm looking at it right now. Are you wearing your amulet?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Yes, of course I'm wearing it. I'll never take it off. Don't you know how much it means to me, you silly thing?_

_I'm well aware of Absolem's ability to imitate others, and I agree - it is quite amusing! I laughed imagining him watching your games and then making sarcastic comments about everyone. I can picture it perfectly._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

27 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

I don't know if I mentioned it but we're celebrating the traditional Twelve Days of Christmas so the holiday will be continuing on until the 6th of January. The atmosphere on the ship is quite jovial and everyone is in a happy mood. So far, this is the best time I've had on this entire journey, though my time in Bombay is a close second.

Tonight was another nice dinner, then afterwards we played more games, accompanied by the usual traditional holiday refreshments. Absolem hid and watched the games again. And of course, later in my cabin he did his imitations of everyone. He clearly is enjoying Christmas and even said perhaps it's something that should be adapted and brought to Underland in some way.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_From all you've said, I agree with Absolem. Christmas sounds like such a charming holiday with all its traditions and festivities. Underland would certainly benefit from having something similar. Though things are much better now that the White Queen has regained her crown, we could always do with more merriment and frivolity and happiness. I wonder if Absolem will talk to the Queen about it. Or perhaps he'll wait until you return here so the two of you can speak to her about it and come up with a way to make it happen. How lovely that would be!_

_I miss you as much as always but ever since I started wearing your amulet, I feel less sad. I don't know how to describe it, but it's almost as if you put a part of your heart in it so I feel like you're with me. I think it must be some kind of magic...or perhaps it's just the bond between us and having something physical from you has made our connection even stronger. I wonder if it's the same for you having the rose._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

28 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

I'm beginning to establish a routine during this celebration of the Twelve Days of Christmas. I spend most of my day reading one of the books I received as a Christmas gift, and every afternoon I have a long visit with Miss Prescott. Then at night we have a dinner of traditional Christmas fare, followed by refreshments and games - Charades, Lookabout and The Minister's Cat are the usual favourites. Tonight we played Pass the Slipper as well, then after Lord Ascot left, one of the men suggested a game that involved paying Forfeits, which can be just as scandalous as Blindman's Bluff when played in mixed company. Miss Prescott and I agreed to play on the condition that we had the option of denying any forfeit involving either of us if we found the forfeit to be too risqué. I have to admit, my true motivation for agreeing to play was my wanting a chance to have a bit of revenge against the men who've bothered or annoyed me, be it the men who've tried to pursue me or the men who have resented or been rude to me for being a woman apprentice. Is that horrid of me? Absolem was there of course and before the game started I excused myself for a moment and went to my cabin in order to speak to him privately and get some ideas. He really is terrible, but quite inventive! His suggestions were a bit beyond the pale though so unfortunately I couldn't use any of them.

So, shall I tell you about the game? I think it will amuse you. I managed to get several of the men to pay forfeits. Mr. Shelby's "punishment" was to get down on the floor and imitate animals of my choice. I made him bark like a dog, squawk like a chicken, squeal like a pig, crow like a rooster, and neigh like a horse. Do you think me cruel to embarrass him in such a way or do you think he deserved it? Mr. Caldwell 's forfeit was to skip around the circle singing a nursery rhyme in a baby voice. Mr. Bowen's forfeit was to kiss Miss Prescott (she was quite happy to oblige him!). Mr. Henderson, a man who has been particularly resentful of my presence as Lord Ascot's apprentice, earned the forfeit of having to hop about the room on one leg while holding his nose for a full two minutes. Another man, Mr. Andrews, paid the forfeit of being blindfolded then spun around, then I sat him on the lap of a third man, Mr. Nelson, who's been rather rude to me, and Mr. Andrews had to guess whose lap he was sitting on solely by using his hands and touching Mr. Nelson's face. That was rather funny, I must confess! I lost a few times and one man tried to get me to kiss him as my forfeit but I refused to do it so instead, the new forfeit was to answer an embarrassing question. I suppose you want to know what that question was. Really, it was quite silly. The question was, "Is there any man who I would allow to kiss me?" Obviously they were all wanting to know who might have a chance with me. So I answered, "If there is, he's not in this room or on this ship."

Absolem was rather amused by the whole thing. Later when I retired to my cabin, we had quite a laugh about the forfeits I made the men pay. He said mine were good but his ideas were better. I told him they were indeed but that I had to show some restraint at least, otherwise I'd be absolutely hated by every man in the Company.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Am I the man you would allow to kiss you? Yes, I think so. In fact I'm quite certain of it, because you've already told me that, when you talked about my pretending to court you if I were there with you on the ship and how we would have to pretend we were trying to hide our love and "accidentally get caught" while I stole a kiss from you..._

_Oh God! Now that I'm remembering that letter and what you wrote, I can't believe you actually said those things! I just got out that letter and read it again and now all I can think about is kissing you, and how all of it, the whole scenario you imagined, was your roundabout way of telling me how you feel about me and what you want. You want me to kiss you and hold your hand, and you worry that I think of you as a sister and wonder what it is that I really feel for you. And yet, Absolem has been giving you hint after hint, and I have as well in all the messages I've gotten Absolem to relay to you. When I gave you the pink rose, Absolem told you what it really meant. He tried to get you to question it and think about it, which really was rather obvious of him. And you gave me what was essentially a necklace, which you said would be considered a courting gift when you were referring to the one Mr. Shelby had gotten you. How is it possible that you can't see all this clearly? I love you and you love me and it's obvious to everyone but you._

_Forever yours, _

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

29 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

Tomorrow we'll be arriving in Singapore. Like Bombay, it's been colonised by the British so it shall be quite interesting to see how the two cultures interact.

As I mentioned in last night's letter, during these Twelve Days of Christmas, a routine of sorts is being established, which I followed again today. I read one of my new books and spent some time with Miss Prescott talking and working on one of the puzzles I got from Margaret. Miss Prescott and I had a good laugh about the Forfeits game and she thanked me for bestowing Mr. Bowen with the forfeit of having to give her a kiss. Tonight we played again after Lord Ascot retired for the night and it was even more amusing! I'm a bit tired now so I'm afraid my letter will have to be a short one. I'll write a longer letter tomorrow.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm glad you're having such a nice time. It's been so hard for you and it's good to know that things seem to be better and you're enjoying yourself. I hope you'll write more about the forfeits game tomorrow. It's quite amusing to hear about. _

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

30 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

We're in Singapore now and shall be in port here for just a short while, but we'll be returning on our trip back and spending a longer time doing Company business. Besides being in the midst of the Twelve Days of Christmas, it's also the New Year's holiday so we won't be getting much work done. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and apparently we're going to have a rather grand party to celebrate.

Singapore is rather nice so I'm looking forward to coming back and spending more time here. The two main products we import from here are pepper and gambier, which is a plant that has several different uses. One way it is used is to make various types of medicinal cures. As a lotion, it treats burns, and in paste form, it treats a skin condition called scurf. It's also commonly used in this part of the world to treat digestive maladies, as well as a gargle for sore throats. The usual way to take gambier medicinally is to apply it as a paste on betel leaves after mixing it with lime and water, wrapping the leaves with some betel nuts and chewing it - though I was told it has a mild narcotic effect and stains one's mouth red so I don't think I'd want to take it. In this part of the world it's sometimes chewed alone as a gum. Gambier Catechu produces a colour called "Cutch Brown" or "Khaki" and is used for dyeing and tanning fabrics such as wool, cotton, silk and leather. There are "bangsals" here in Singapore, which are dual gambier-pepper plantations, and they have dwellings where labourers prepare the gambier for its different uses.

We spent most of today at a bangsal, which is how I learned all these things. I don't know if you find such details interesting or not so I'll stop going on about it.

Tonight we had our dinner and then games but we just played Charades because we were all a bit tired from visiting the bangsal.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I do find it interesting to hear about what the Company does and to learn about the things you trade. Being a Hatter, I'm most interested in hearing about all the fabrics and textiles and dyes, and the colours the dyes make. I like that your work involves those things, because it's what my work involves. It makes me feel so connected to you. And that makes me happy, though it also makes me miss you terribly._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

31 December 1872

Dear Tarrant,

I haven't gone to sleep yet so I'm dating this letter as 31 December 1872, though "officially" it's actually 1 January 1873 now, as it's well past midnight. Happy New Year, my sweet Hatter!

We had the party and some of it was fun but not all of it. At the stroke of midnight we sang Auld Lang Syne, which is the tradition. It's also a tradition for people to kiss at midnight to bring in the new year. A few of the men actually attempted to steal a kiss but I pushed them away, then Lord Ascot saw what was happening and immediately put a stop to it. I can't believe the men are still trying, after everything - after Lord Ascot's talks with them about leaving me alone, and my telling them during the Forfeits game that I didn't want to kiss any of the men from the Company and even hinting that there might possibly be someone else I would kiss, but not any of them. Honestly! It's ridiculous. When I got back to my cabin Absolem and I talked about it. He said no matter what, and no matter how many times I make it clear I'm not interested, the men are still going to try to pursue me. He agreed that the ones who tried to steal a New Year's Eve kiss tonight were horrid and disrespectful but he said I shouldn't expect otherwise. But why must it be like this? I asked him that and he said it's because I'm a beautiful woman and men like that. But I said it's can't be that, because I'm not beautiful. Absolem laughed and called me stupid and said I'm blind and unbelievably obtuse, but I'm not! I just don't think it's true. People have told me I'm beautiful before...well, actually a lot of people have, but I don't see it.

I miss you. I wish I could have spent New Year's Eve with you. At least I have my rose so it's like part of you is with me. But I wish I had more than that. I wish you were here and that you could stay and be by my side, joining in the adventures like Absolem can.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I wish that too, my sweet angel. And I wish I could give you a kiss to bring in the Otherworld new year. I would hold you close and kiss you...and then I'd never let you go._

_Of course you're beautiful. How can you not see that? But it's not just physical beauty that you possess - you're just as beautiful inside. How is it that you can't see how extraordinary you are?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

1 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Back at sea. We left Singapore just a little while ago and are now heading for Borneo. I had a rather exhausting day visiting another bangsal so I'm too tired to write a long letter tonight. Forgive me, my sweet Hatter. Writing these letters to you is my favourite thing to do but when we're in port it can be somewhat taxing, especially on busy days like today, and then I'm too physically drained to write down all the words I want to write. I wish you were here so I could just talk to you in person. How much easier that would be.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Are you alright? You sounded a bit depressed in your letter. I know you said you were just tired, but I sense it was more than that. Were you feeling sad because it was the first day of the new year in the Otherworld and we're apart? Did you miss me and wish that I were there with you? _

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

* * *

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Eleven**

2 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

It's good to be at sea. Because our visit to Singapore was during the New Year it made things a bit strange. We spent most of our time working so unfortunately we didn't really get to see much of Singapore itself, outside of the bangsals. And then of course, there was that annoying New Year party and the men bothering me. In any case, I'm certain I'll enjoy Singapore much more the next time we come. We'll be stopping here again when we make our return trip to London.

We're still celebrating the Twelve Days of Christmas and the mood on the ship is festive as ever. I'm back to my recently established routine of reading during the day and visiting with Miss Prescott, then dinner and refreshments and games at night. Tonight we played the usual games of Charades and Lookabout then after Lord Ascot left we played the Forfeits game. Absolem had given me a lot of good ideas on how to punish the men who tried to steal a kiss from me during the New Year's Eve party so to our immense delight, I was finally able to have a bit of revenge on them. I hope you don't think me petty and horrid but if you saw what it was like for me, I think you'd agree they deserved it. Here are some of the forfeits I made the men pay tonight (all of whom tried to kiss me at the party):

Mr. Derville had to dance the Waltz with Mr. Quinton. Both of them were quite red-faced by the end of the dance, as the other men whistled and cheered and had a great laugh at their expense during their Waltz.

Mr. Harris had to leap about the room like a frog for two minutes and say "ribbit" every time he jumped. The sight of it was quite amusing! We were all in stitches over that one.

Mr. Thornton had to kneel down and recite a love poem (by a woman poet) to Mr. Kirby while holding Mr. Kirby's hand. I have a book of Elizabeth Barrett Browning's poetry so I went to my cabin to fetch it before the game began with the intention of using the following poem, called "A Man's Requirements":

I.  
Love me Sweet, with all thou art,  
Feeling, thinking, seeing;  
Love me in the lightest part,  
Love me in full being.

II.  
Love me with thine open youth  
In its frank surrender;  
With the vowing of thy mouth,  
With its silence tender.

III.  
Love me with thine azure eyes,  
Made for earnest granting;  
Taking colour from the skies,  
Can Heaven's truth be wanting?

IV.  
Love me with their lids, that fall  
Snow-like at first meeting;  
Love me with thine heart, that all  
Neighbours then see beating.

V.  
Love me with thine hand stretched out  
Freely—open-minded:  
Love me with thy loitering foot,—  
Hearing one behind it.

VI.  
Love me with thy voice, that turns  
Sudden faint above me;  
Love me with thy blush that burns  
When I murmur _Love me!_

VII.  
Love me with thy thinking soul,  
Break it to love-sighing;  
Love me with thy thoughts roll  
On through living—dying.

VIII.  
Love me when in thy gorgeous airs,  
When the world has crowned thee;  
Love me, kneeling at thy prayers,  
With the angels round thee.

IX.  
Love me pure, as musers do,  
Up the woodlands shady:  
Love me gaily, fast and true  
As a winsome lady.

X.  
Through all hopes that keep us brave,  
Farther off or nigher,  
Love me for the house and grave,  
And for something higher.

XI.  
Thus, if thou wilt prove me, Dear,  
Woman's love no fable.  
I will love _thee_—half a year—  
As a man is able.

That forfeit was the best of all, I think! And honestly, they deserved it. Both Mr. Thornton and Mr. Kirby had been the worst and the most determined to steal a kiss from me at the party so they had the harshest punishment. The other three men had annoyed me when they tried to kiss me but Mr. Thornton in particular was quite drunk and practically had to be pried off of me by Mr. Bowen when he tried to steal his kiss (or rather, tried to force it on me). And Mr. Kirby earned his punishment because he'd had the audacity to whisper in my ear that he "knew" I wanted him to kiss me and that he was more than happy to oblige "my secret wish". Can you believe the nerve of that man? At the time I wanted to slap his face for his disgusting presumption but that was when Lord Ascot noticed what was happening and he intervened immediately and stopped Mr. Kirby before he could kiss me.

So tonight's game was rather satisfying because I finally had my revenge. Absolem was quite entertained by it all and it took everything I had not to laugh because I could see him the whole time while he was hiding in the room and watching. You should have seen the look on his face when Mr. Thornton was kneeling and holding Mr. Kirby's hand and reciting the poem. It had been Absolem's idea in the first place, though I chose the poem, which I think was quite perfect for the occasion.

I hope you don't think too badly of me for being so...vengeful. Honestly, I'm not really a vengeful person but the men need to learn they cannot take liberties with my person and get away with it. I asked Absolem if he thought you'd be disapproving of my methods and he said he was certain you wouldn't be and then he said in fact, you probably would have come up with even worse forfeits to punish them. That made me laugh, trying to imagine what you might have come up with. Is what Absolem said true though? You don't disapprove of what I've been doing, do you? I would be most distressed if I ever did anything to cause you to think less of me.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_How you worry about such silly things, my angel! Nothing will __ever__ make me think less of you. I wish you could understand that and stop worrying! Absolem was indeed correct when he told you that not only would I __not__ disapprove but that I also would have come up with even worse punishments for those men who dared to try to kiss you. I absolutely love your forfeits. I would have made Mr. Thornton kiss Mr. Kirby's hand after reciting the poem though. That would have reinforced the "lesson" quite nicely, I think. The poem was perfect. How delightfully embarrassing that must have been for them both! And I think you're sublime for your choice of not only selecting that particular poem but also for choosing a poem that was written by a woman poet._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

3 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Today was the usual - reading and visiting with Miss Prescott during the day. We're still working on one of the puzzles Margaret gave me for Christmas. While we worked on the puzzle, we had quite a laugh over last night's Forfeits game. She knows I was punishing the men who tried to kiss me at the New Year's Eve party and she said she thought it was the perfect revenge and commended me on my creativity.

Tonight we had our dinner and then the expected refreshments and games afterwards. We played Charades and a new game, called Statues. Once again, after Lord Ascot retired, we played the Forfeits game. Even though my forfeits were less embarrassing (as I feel I've sufficiently punished the men who most deserved it), I think the men are a bit scared of me now!

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_How I wish I were there with you. What fun we would have playing all those games! And how I would love to win a forfeit and ask you for a kiss. I think you'd let me, wouldn't you? You would pretend it was only to teach the other men a lesson and that it was for show to make them think we were having what appeared to be a secret "pretend courtship" but really, you'd let me do it because you want me to kiss you. And after I kissed you, I'd be bold and whisper in your ear that I liked it. I wonder what you would do then?_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

4 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Tonight when we were playing the Forfeits game, I almost Futterwackened. I decided not to at the last minute because I realised I would have to lift my skirt and show my ankles and that is simply not something that is done by a lady of my station and breeding, especially when I've been trying to convey the message to the men that I want to be left alone.

Did I ever tell you that I did Futterwacken - or at least made an attempt to - after I declined Hamish's proposal? When I got back to this world and returned to the gazebo and declined the proposal, I was in a strange and rather defiant mood so I went around and spoke my mind to my family and to Lowell and the Chattaway sisters and Lady Ascot. Lord Ascot then asked to speak privately with me in his office when I told him I had some business I wanted to discuss with him. As I began to make my way towards the Ascot's manor to do so I stopped suddenly and that's when I Futterwackened. Everyone was quite shocked!

Goodness, thinking about it now, it really was a rather shocking thing for me to do! How utterly improprietous of me. But you know what? I don't regret it, my sweet Hatter. I did it partly as an act of defiance but it was also in honour of you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I would have loved to have seen that. _

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

5 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Tomorrow is the last day of the Twelve Days of Christmas. It's been quite an experience and I'm very happy Lord Ascot arranged for us to celebrate it. It seems to have made a big difference in everyone's mood and it's certainly brought us all closer. Despite all my problems with the men who were bothering me, it didn't spoil things. I think I've resolved that problem anyway, at least for now. So in the end, I feel it worked out perfectly and it's been a great success.

My rose is still alive and well. Can you believe it? Absolem said it's because of the magic from Underland. Thank you for giving me such a lovely gift, Tarrant. I can't tell you how much it means to me. Whenever I look at it I feel so happy. Are you still wearing your amulet?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm glad the rose is still alive. I wasn't sure how long it would last in the Otherworld but it seems the magic from Underland carried over. Yes, I'm wearing your amulet. As I said before, I shall never take it off. _

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

6 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Good heavens! There's been talk of pirates possibly giving chase to our ship. Lord Ascot is very alarmed about the whole thing and he gave me a long talk about what to do if we ever get attacked but I told him not to worry about me. I wish I could have told him about the Jabberwocky and the dangers I've faced before. I doubt a bunch of pirates could be more frightening than the Jabberwocky, the Red Queen, the Red Queen's Knights and Stayne being after me. And to be quite honest, the thought of seeing real life pirates is actually rather exciting!

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_While I trust your ability to take care of yourself and face anything that comes your way I find myself worried. Absolem came for a visit today and told me what pirates are when I asked him about it. Really, they sound quite menacing. Please take special care, Alice. I have a strange feeling that something is about to happen and I'm scared. There was a certain expression on Absolem's face when he was talking to me about them. I asked him if you were in danger and he said no matter what might come to pass, he'll always look after you and he'll make sure no serious harm will come to you. His choice of words didn't exactly reassure me. _

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

7 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Well! Apparently, there really were pirates after us but our ship is quite fast and we shook them off. Isn't that something! I know I should probably be scared - everyone else is - but I'm not. I've read some stories about pirate adventures and honestly, I can't help but find the thought of them chasing after us exciting.

Absolem is acting a bit strange though so I asked him if he thought we were going to get attacked by pirates while we're at sea. He said no but he had a funny look in his eyes.

We're very close to Borneo now, and we should be arriving there sometime before dawn.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Oh, I don't like the sound of that at all! Absolem always knows what will happen and I think something __is__ about to happen. My amulet has been tingling too, which has me quite concerned. Please, please be careful!_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

8 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Here on the island of Borneo we're trying to establish trading contracts for various spices, coffee, sugar, tobacco, coconuts, beeswax, camphor and some beautiful exotic woods. I was supposed to spend the entire day doing Company business but because of the rather unpleasant reception I was receiving by the men from Borneo, Lord Ascot quietly pulled me aside and told me that while he hates that women are treated this way, unfortunately it's the way things are. He told me it would probably be best if I left and let him take care of everything. Because he looked so distressed and conflicted about it, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him for being put in such an uncomfortable position so I didn't put up a fight, and I took mercy on him. I told him that I understood and appreciated that he at least saw that "the way things are" is unfair and unjust, and that it certainly isn't his fault that men as a whole are so blind and prejudiced when it comes to women, then I made it clear that I was mature and wise enough to accept reality.

So instead of working, I spent the day exploring the Brunei region with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen (who was assigned to escort us). We had a guided tour which was interesting. Tomorrow we'll be visiting some of the local markets. Since I can't do Company business while we're here I shall be playing the part of tourist. I'm disappointed that I can't do my work and help get the contracts but I'm looking forward to seeing more of the island and going to the markets. I'll get you a present.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm sorry the men are so horrible in the Otherworld. How can you stand it? It makes me so angry that you're being treated the way you are. What is wrong with the men in your world? It doesn't make any sense to me. _

_Please take care while you're off the ship. I have the most horrible feeling that something is going to happen, especially because of Absolem's strange behavior and the wording of his assurance to me that he'll look after you and make sure you don't come to any serious harm and his response to you that you won't be attacked while at sea. The fact is, he didn't say you wouldn't be attacked while __not__ at sea and that has me quite anxious. I'm terribly worried about you right now._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

_My darling Alice,_

_I didn't get a letter from you today. What's going on? Absolem didn't come when I called for him this afternoon. I'm so desperately afraid something has happened!_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

* * *

10 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

You won't believe what happened to me! I'm sure you must have been worried after not receiving a letter from me yesterday but there was a reason for it. So where do I begin with my incredible tale? Perhaps I should tell you the whole story from the start.

I woke up yesterday and took breakfast with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen then the three of us went ashore for our visit to the markets. At first everything was fine. We were looking at the various wares on display at the market when suddenly I was grabbed from behind as a hand covered my mouth to stop me from screaming and I was quickly dragged off and away before anyone could see what was happening. Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen had been a few stalls down and their attention was on the selection of carved wood boxes they had been admiring. In those first few seconds I didn't exactly know what was happening but I was aware that I was being kidnapped. I just didn't know who was kidnapping me.

You'll no doubt find this quite shocking, Tarrant, but it was a pirate! Can you believe it? He was rather frightening but strangely, I wasn't too alarmed at that point. Perhaps it's because everything happened so fast. I didn't have time to think. The market was close to the harbour so it didn't take very long for the pirate to get me aboard the pirate ship. He took me down to the dungeon and locked me in, telling me in broken English that I was to be a prize for the Captain. That's when I began to get scared. He told me that my golden hair was a beautiful treasure and that the Captain would be very pleased with his gift. By that time, it started to sink in that I'd been kidnapped by an actual pirate and I was beginning to get an idea of what my intended fate would be so I was growing more and more afraid by the second, as you might imagine. The pirate kept staring at me and it was quite terrifying. I couldn't think straight at first but then suddenly a thought came to me. I told him he should let me go immediately because I had magical powers and he would pay for kidnapping me if he didn't release me at once. Of course he didn't believe me. He just laughed mockingly and said to prove that I had these "magical powers". I called for Absolem and when he appeared a moment later the pirate was shocked. You should have seen his face! Then Absolem started yelling at the pirate and threatening him which shocked him even more. The pirate was so unnerved, he ran away. As soon as he was gone we tried to think of different ways to get me free. But before we could do anything a different pirate came down to investigate. Absolem scared him off too. Really, it was almost comical.

That was how it went for the next few hours. Every time Absolem would scare off one pirate, another would come down to see what was happening. Finally we had a break and it gave us enough time for Abby to get the dungeon door unlocked. He said he did it using magic. In any case, once I got out of the hold he helped me find my way out and up to the deck then he told me to jump into the water and swim to where the Company ship was docked. I did as he said, though it was rather difficult to swim because my dress had grown quite heavy once it got wet. But Absolem was with me the whole way, urging me on and promising he'd save me if I couldn't swim anymore. He told me the best course of action would be to tell everyone that I'd gotten lost at the market and found my way back to where the ship was but that I accidentally slipped and fell into the water. So that's exactly what I told the men who rescued me. I was taken to Hospital but after being checked over, the doctors said I was fine and just needed rest after enduring such a shock. Lord Ascot was most distressed about it. Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen were even worse. They felt guilty for "losing me" at the market, which made me feel terrible because of course, that's not what really happened and it wasn't their fault at all. I had to stay overnight at the Hospital because Lord Ascot and the doctors wanted to make sure I hadn't suffered any ill effects from being in the water so long. Absolem stayed with me the whole time, hiding from sight when anyone was around. Thank God for him. He really saved me, Tarrant! I don't know what I would have done without him.

After being checked over again this morning, the doctors gave me a clean bill of health and I was sent back to the ship with the strict order to stay on bedrest for the remainder of the day. Miss Prescott stayed in my cabin all day to watch over me and she finally just left after making sure I had my dinner. That's why it's taken so long for me to get the chance to write to you and tell you everything. I'm going to sleep now so you can get my letter and know I'm alright.

Goodnight, my dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Good God! I knew something like that was going to happen. I'm just glad you're alright now. Absolem came today and told me everything. I asked him how he could allow you to even get in such a situation and asked why he didn't warn you. He said Fate has its own plans and he can't interfere with it but that I shouldn't worry because no matter what, you're protected and nothing truly bad is going to happen to you._

_I do feel somewhat reassured by that but I also feel angry and helpless. Why can't __I__ be there with you? I want to be the one looking after you, not Absolem! I'm glad he's there with you, of course, and truly, I'm more grateful than I can say that he saved you the way he did but it's not fair that he's the one who's allowed to be in the Otherworld with you instead of me._

_Sometimes I go quite mad, Alice. Being apart from you is terrible. Having your amulet to wear has helped a little because as I said before, it's as if I have a piece of your heart with me, but sometimes it's not enough. I want all of you. We should be together, not apart!_

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

11 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

We're back at sea now. The ship left port after the business was concluded late this afternoon. The next destination is Saigon. I'm quite eager to see it, as I've been told it's a rather exciting place.

No one knows what really happened with the kidnapping, not even Miss Prescott and especially not Lord Ascot. They still think I fell into the water and it was an accident. I can never tell the truth or I wouldn't be allowed to continue on as an apprentice with the Company. Abby told me you were worried but I promise, I'll be more careful from now on.

I miss you. I wish you were here, as always.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I know you'll be more careful but I can't help but worry. Yet, I also know this is something you have to do so I won't make a fuss. But it's not easy. _

_I miss you too. So much._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

****A/N: Imagine my immense delight to find while researching 1870's Borneo that pirates were a big problem in that part of the world! I thought it would be fun to include a little pirate adventure as a nod to Johnny Depp's outstanding turn as Captain Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Of course, the pirates in this chapter aren't the ones from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies (as the pirates in that region were generally not British), but I wanted to give a little salute to my favourite pirate. **

**** Well! After reading the recent reviews I've decided to give more than a little nod to Captain Jack Sparrow and I plan to give him an actual cameo role in an upcoming chapter. It fits in nicely because pirates were quite an issue back in that time, especially around Borneo, Hong Kong, Singapore and essentially the whole area the Company will be travelling through all the way from Ceylon to Shangai, particularly in all areas situated along the South China Sea. Borneo actually had its own land-based community, like Tortuga (which was one of the pirate communities featured in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies). Piracy was still in its Golden Age in Southeast Asia at that time though it was waning and that Golden Age was coming to an end by the late 19th century. It had already come to an end in the Caribbean a century before. **

**A little history lesson about pirates in the 19th century:**

**From www . reference .com/browse/piracy: The Bugi sailors of South Sulawesi were infamous as pirates who used to range as far west as Singapore and as far north as the Philippines in search of targets for piracy. The Orang laut pirates controlled shipping in the Straits of Malacca and the waters around Singapore. and the Malay and Sea Dayak pirates preyed on maritime shipping in the waters between Singapore and Hong Kong from their haven in Borneo. **

**From http: /www . allacademic . com/meta/p100435_index . html: First, pirate political communities grew out of simple necessity. While operating at sea, as self-contained communities, where rules were enforced through coercion (or threat thereof), pirate ships behaved similar to the Weberian idea of what constitutes a political community. Second, on many pirate vessels, there was a specific normative utopian sentiment, emphasizing relatively democratic and equalitarian principles. For these reasons, pirating vessels have often been described as "republics-at-sea." This utopian aspect is also seen in pirate attempts at setting up political communities on land, such as on Tortuga, Mauritius, Borneo or in Madagascar. Thirdly, the attempts at formation of land-based political communities, was the result of the success of piratical activities which in turn, required safe havens, or ideally, trading entrepots (e.g. Reunion, Tortuga and Port Royale). Pirates set up political communities, specifically land-based communities, since ships as "republics-at-sea," tended after all, to be temporary, contractual operations. Pirate attempts at forming land communities were possible because of great power inattention or encouragement."**


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

* * *

**** A/N: Once again, I apologise for taking so long to update but a lot has been going on and I couldn't post until now. I don't want to get into it too extensively, but suffice it to say, my health issues have continued to hinder me and after discovering that some writers have been plagiarising my plotlines and using my ideas as their own, I seriously considered discontinuing this story and giving up on the whole trilogy altogether. I've gotten past my anger and disappointment that others could do such a thing but I do want to warn those who have stolen my ideas and plot inventions and used them as their own: that is considered plagiarism and it is outright theft of my intellectual property. It is also illegal and will result in getting one's account here banned. If I find any more cases of plagiarism I will have no choice but to report the offenders and FF dot net will ban their accounts. I don't want to be negative but this is a serious issue and can't be ignored. I've worked really hard writing my stories and have spent countless hours doing **_**extensive**_** research to stay true to the era and characters as well as the locations featured in this series. To have other writers take all my hard work instead of doing their own and steal my storylines instead of using their imagination and coming up with their own original ideas - it is such a breach of ethics, I can barely comprehend it.**

**Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I hope you enjoy this chapter and hope it was worth the wait. As always, every chapter is a rough draft and I constantly go back and re-edit the chapters whenever I can. Please know, until the story is complete, this is not the final draft but an ever-evolving work in progress. I try to proofread before posting but I don't always catch the odd mistakes and typos until later. Thank you for reading and please review if you can because reviews really help keep me motivated and inspired.**

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* * *

**

**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Twelve**

12 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

I'm feeling a bit under the weather today and I've been confined to my cabin for the time being. Earlier this morning, Miss Prescott by came for a visit and when she saw that I was ill she went to tell Lord Ascot and he had the ship's doctor take a look at me. The doctor thinks I must have caught a mild strain of influenza. I do have a slight fever but it's not too high, so don't you fret about it! I know how you worry whenever I get ill but honestly, I'm fine and it isn't anything serious. Rest assured, Absolem has been here keeping me company and watching over me all day, insisting quite firmly that I stay in bed and rest, and making sure that I eat enough.

Absolem is so good to me! He complains and grumbles about it incessantly, though really, I know that he secretly likes to take care of me. But my goodness, he certainly likes to fuss! He can be quite demanding and rather querulous sometimes, especially when I argue with him. He told me I contracted this illness because I was exposed to something when I was in Hospital in Borneo, but that it's only just caught up with me now.

Since I'm back at sea again and the Twelve Days of Christmas and New Year's celebrations are all over, I thought I'd ask some more questions. It's been awhile since I've done that.

1. Are you happy? Now that the White Queen has regained her crown I imagine things must be very different. But are you happy? Truly happy? My answer: I'm as happy as I can be. Working with the Company and travelling to all these wonderful places has been extraordinary, and being with Absolem and sharing some of my adventures with him is lovely. Yet there is something missing from my life so I can't quite say I'm truly happy, though I try to make the best of things.

2. If you came upon someone's personal diary would you read it? If not, would you be tempted to? I confess, when I was a child I found my sister's diary and had a peek...alright, it was more than a peek! I've always been a rather curious person and honestly, at the time, I couldn't help myself. She was being so terribly secretive and mysterious when I caught her writing in it one night so the next day when she went out I searched her room and found it and read it. Though, really what she wrote in it was rather silly. It was all about boys, mostly about one boy in particular that she thought was rather wonderful. It's funny because I remember him and he was quite ordinary and even a bit dull. I'm no longer a child anymore and looking back, I realise how wrong it was to do such a thing. There's no denying that I'm still a curious person, perhaps overly so at times, but I've grown up now, and I would never violate another person's privacy like that. However, I have to admit, my curious nature would probably give me a tiny spark of temptation if I happened to come upon the diary of someone interesting, though I am quite certain I wouldn't give in to it.

3. Do you like ice cream? Do you have ice cream in Underland? Actually, I just asked Absolem (he's here with me now but don't worry, he isn't reading this) and he said you do indeed. So, do you have a favourite flavour? I myself prefer sorbet. I absolutely adore lemon sorbet and there was a time once when I tried coconut sorbet and it was utterly gorgeous! I also like strawberry sorbet too.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well. I'm learning that you don't like to be fussed over too much (though maybe you __do__ like it a little bit, in small doses) so I won't go on and on about how I worry. You said it isn't anything serious and if Absolem doesn't seem too concerned, that's good enough for me. As always, I'm grateful to Absolem for looking after you, though again, I wish it were me who could take care of you. Does that make me sound terribly ungracious?_

_Ah, the lists of questions are back! How delightful! I enjoy them immensely, you know. And as I've said before, what I love most are your own answers to them._

_1. Honestly? No, I'm not very happy. I won't lie and pretend anything other than the truth. You wrote in your reply to that question that you're not exactly happy either and that something is missing from your life. I suspect that we're not happy for the same reason - because we're apart and missing each other. But hopefully it won't be that way for long._

_2. It really is quite charming to read about your escapades as a child. When I was a child, if I'd had a sister who acted like yours did, I probably would have done the same thing as you and read the diary. It's natural to be curious, especially when someone acts secretive and mysterious, don't you agree? But now that I'm older and wiser, I too find it to be a terrible violation of one's privacy to do such a thing __now__ so I wouldn't, even if I were tempted._

_3. Like you, I prefer sorbet. My favourite flavour is pineapple but I also like lemon and strawberry and quinberry. We don't have coconuts here in Underland but I should like to try coconut sorbet one day. You made it sound quite nice._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

13 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Today I spent most of my time in my cabin resting. I'm feeling better but Absolem is making me stay in bed and telling me it's for my own good, whether I like it or not. Perhaps it is for my own good, but I tend to want to rebel whenever someone tells me what to do. Still, I know better than to try to argue once Absolem sets his mind to something.

Here are some more questions:

1. Do you think more about the future, the past or the present? I would have to say my focus is on all three fairly equally at this point in time, though I admit my focus is not always this evenly balanced. I think about the past quite a bit, mostly going over my favourite memories of my father and of you and everything we went through together in Underland. But by the same token, I'm here now and if I want to carry out my current endeavours, I have to live in the present and do everything that's required of me in order to accomplish those goals. So, yes, the present certainly is demanding my equal attention at the moment. But the truth is, I can't help but spend a great deal of my time thinking and dreaming about the future and longing for it to come. There are times when I wish this were all over and I could just be finished with it all so I can return to Underland. I think about that quite a bit, you know.

2. Would you rather be deserted in a dangerous situation somewhere familiar in Underland or in a foreign country here in this world where there's no threat but you don't speak the language? Perhaps you might find this surprising, but I'd probably choose the Underland option because I've been there in quite a dangerous situation before and I know that everything would turn out alright. I have a strange feeling that no matter what, I'll always be safe in Underland. Besides, if I chose that option I would have a better chance of seeing you, wouldn't I?

3. Do you show your true self to others or do you wear a mask most of the time? I only show my true self to you and Absolem. The rest of the time I wear a variety of masks, depending on the circumstances, such as who I'm with and what the occasion warrants. To be honest, the only other person who ever really knew and understood me was my father. I could always be my true self with him.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I know you hate being told what to do but Absolem is right, and sometimes we have to do things we don't want to, for our own good. You need to rest so you can get better. I'm glad you're listening to Absolem and that you've realised the futility in trying to argue with him._

_1. If I'm being honest, I probably think more about the past and future than the present. I often find myself going somewhere quiet to think about you and remember each and every moment we shared when you were last here. It makes me happy to know that you're thinking about the same thing. I also think about the future and what will happen when you come back. I wonder, will you have already confessed the truth about your feelings for me so that when you return we can just be together without hesitation or hindrances? I hope so. But if not, I won't mind it if you need me to woo you and prove what's in my heart, and make certain you understand that you have my eternal love and devotion._

_2. I'd pick Underland, for the same reason as you._

_3. That's an interesting question. I don't think I show my true self to anyone except you, but then again, you don't even get to see these letters so does that even count? I suppose you could say I wear many masks, all of them part of me, but none of them are my whole self. I don't think anyone really can understand me but you, Alice._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

14 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

I'm much better today. Absolem finally relented and said I was "allowed" to get back to my normal activities, provided I didn't overdo it. So Miss Prescott visited and we worked on the puzzle from Margaret. While she was visiting, she happened to notice my rose and wondered at it (strangely she hadn't noticed it before today), and she asked where I got it. So I had to tell a little fib because I obviously couldn't tell her the truth. I told her one of the nurses gave it to me in Borneo when I was in Hospital. To be honest, I found it a bit surprising that she believed me and didn't question it any further. Personally, I would have been more curious about it but I suppose that's just how I am. Not everyone is inquisitive to the same extent that I can be. In any case, now you know that my beautiful pink rose is still alive and blooming, even after all this time. Isn't that wonderful?

Tonight I had dinner in the dining room with everyone in the Company but afterwards I skipped the games and went back to my cabin instead. Apparently, the games are still going on, despite the Twelve Days of Christmas being over. I'll probably join them tomorrow night for the games but loath as I am to say it, I confess I was a tiny bit tired so I didn't feel up to playing this evening.

I'd rather write to you anyway. So now it's time for more questions!

1. What kind of books do you like to read? I like all kinds, but I especially like stories about adventures and dramas and...dare I admit it? You might think me silly and frivolous. Oh, alright, I'll admit it - I also like novels about romance too. Do you think that's silly?

2. Are you the type of person who prefers to have several projects going on at once or do you tend to focus on one particular project at a time? I'm happiest when I have several projects going on at the same time. But no matter how much I have going on, I always focus on whatever task is immediately at hand quite intently and with my full attention and concentration.

3. If an acquaintance told you an ugly rumour was going around about a close friend, would you keep it to yourself to spare that friend's feelings or tell your friend the truth? That's a difficult one, isn't it? A case could be made for both options so it's hard to say what I would do if a rumour was going around that I knew would really hurt that person if they were to hear of it. Though I can say for certain, if the positions were reversed, I'd want to know the truth.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_How marvelous it is to hear that your rose is still blooming! Though, I suppose a day will eventually come when the magic wears off. But when that happens I'll see if I can get Absolem to deliver a new one to you. I can't imagine how I'll be able to convince him to do so but I'll try. It was so very sweet of you to say that you'd rather write to me than play games with everyone._

_Here are my answers to your questions:_

_1. I enjoy reading about adventures too. And no, I don't think it's silly that you like to read stories about romance. I like them as well. I think you and I are both romantics at heart and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just another lovely thing we have in common and that's a very good thing._

_2. Again, another thing we have in common. Like you, I find myself happiest when I have many projects going on at once. I'm working on several hat orders right now but I'm also making various pieces of jewellery and I've been busy helping Thackery rebuild his house. He's adding a new addition, which is quite a project!_

_3. That __is__ a difficult question indeed. I suppose it would depend on what the rumour was and who it was about. But if the positions were reversed, I too would rather know the truth than be kept in the dark._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

15 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Today I spent the afternoon visiting with Miss Prescott and working on the puzzle. We finally finished it and have begun the other one. Then tonight after dinner I joined everyone for Charades. I was a bit weary after that and wasn't in the mood for the Forfeits game so I begged off and retired for the evening when they started playing.

Now for the questions!

1. Is your ideal day peaceful or full of excitement? For me, it would be a mixture of both. I love the excitement of exploring all these amazing places and having adventures but I also need time to myself where I can be peaceful and still.

2. Do you only drink tea or have you ever had coffee? I've had coffee but I didn't like it very much so now I only drink tea! How I miss you, Tarrant! When I think of tea and all the tea parties I'm surely missing out on, I feel rather sad. I often think about how lovely it would be if we could have our own little tea party here in my cabin, just like I've mentioned before.

3. When it comes down to it, do you think life is very complicated or very simple? That's a rather philosophical question. I think life is paradoxical - it's both very complicated, yet very simple at the same time. Somehow I get the feeling you agree so I won't explain what I mean by that because I think you already understand.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm quite glad you're not pushing yourself too hard and instead, you're making sure you don't overdo it and letting yourself rest when you need it. That was one thing I was worried about since you're still recovering from your most recent bout of illness. _

_1. As usual, we are in accord. My ideal day would include both excitement and time to myself where I can be surrounded by quiet._

_2. I've never had coffee before, as we don't have coffee here in Underland, but I can't imagine liking anything more than tea! I miss you too, angel. Thinking about us having our own little tea party in your cabin, just us, is one of my favourite "memories" - I know we haven't had one obviously, but like you, I've imagined it so much I feel like we have. I wish I could make you feel better. I don't like the thought of you being sad. You're not missing out on any grand tea parties anyway. Nothing's the same without you here so even if I still have tea parties with Thackery and Mally, my heart isn't quite in it like it used to be._

_3. You're exactly right. I do agree and I understand what you mean utterly and completely._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

16 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Today was much like yesterday. Miss Prescott and I spent part of the afternoon working on the new puzzle and later, we joined Mr. Bowen and played some cards. After dinner, I once again stayed for Charades but I excused myself once the time came for the Forfeits game. When I returned to my cabin, I found Absolem there waiting for me. He wanted to check up on me and also play backgammon, so we played a few rounds and ended in a draw. I made a wager with him though. The next time we play, he'll have to pay a forfeit if I win. Of course the forfeit will be for him to ask you a question of my choice and then relay your answer back to me. So get ready, my dear Tarrant, because I plan to win the next round!

Here are tonight's questions:

1. Are you messy or organised? I'm fairly organised. Too much clutter makes me distracted so I like to keep things tidy.

2. Do you have any particular phobias? I have an unreasonable fear of choking, for some reason. Also, I'm a bit afraid of large dogs, but that's because one bit me once when I was a child.

3. Have you ever ridden a bicycle? Do you have a bicycle? I do. I quite enjoy riding mine but I have to be careful because one time my skirt got caught in the gears and I ended up crashing into a tree. Luckily I wasn't going too fast so I didn't get hurt but I certainly learned my lesson. It's a shame women can't wear trousers.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Oh, how exciting! I can't wait for you to win and find out what question you want to ask me._

_1. I'm mostly organised. I have to be, in my line of work. When I'm in the midst of the actual process of making hats though, my work space might appear a bit messy but it's more like a form of organised chaos, if that makes sense._

_2. I'm rather afraid of spiders and I don't like being in confined spaces. I also don't like loud noises._

_3. I've been riding a bicycle quite frequently actually. Now that the Red Queen is gone, life has become more carefree and relaxed, and we're all slowly rediscovering things that were part of our lives before her reign. When I was younger, I had a bicycle and I recently found it again, just a few weeks ago. I've been using it to get around Underland, which is quite handy, as I don't have a horse or carriage and walking from my house to Thackery's or to Marmoreal takes ages. I like to take walks - in fact, it's one of my favourite things to do - but it's not my preferred method of transport when I really need to get somewhere fast. How frightening that must have been for you when your skirt got caught in the gears and you crashed into a tree! I'm glad to know you're being especially careful when riding your bicycle or I should worry terribly. When you come back here, I'll let you ride my bicycle and if you want to wear trousers, you should wear them! I'll even make a pair just for you._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

17 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Nothing particularly exciting or unusual happened today so I'll skip writing about the boring details and go straight to my questions.

1. Do you have any secret talents and if so, what are they? One of my secret talents is I'm quite good at darts. I'm also rather skilled at billiards too, though ladies aren't supposed to play. It's considered more of a "gentlemen's game" - which I think is ridiculous. My father let me play however, and we often played against each other in private.

2. Are there shops and markets in Underland?

3. Do you get jealous? I don't get jealous of other people for their abilities or talents or possessions, or anything like that. It seems like such a waste of time and energy. But...well, I do admit I get concerned whenever I imagine you possibly courting someone. Do you think that odd? I don't know if it's jealousy. It's a bit difficult to explain. I know I've mentioned in previous letters how the special connection between us is something I treasure greatly, and I would like to believe you feel that way too. I do realise how selfish and possessive this sounds, but as I've said before, there is a part of me that wants to keep you all to myself, because you mean so much to me. In a way, you mean more to me than anyone and I want to be the same for you. How I wish we could discuss this in person! I don't know if I'm explaining it very well. Do you think me petty for being like this - for feeling so possessive about you? Forgive me, Tarrant. I'm not perfect and clearly this is one of my less pleasant qualities. More than anything, I want you to be happy, and if you found someone you loved, someone who is more important to you than I am, I would like to think I would be gracious and accepting. But, honestly, when it comes to you courting someone, I just feel that no one is good enough for you. You're very special and I should hate it if you settled for anything less than your perfect match.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_1. How interesting! I happen to be quite good at darts and billiards myself! I think perhaps we should play them both when you return, and see who wins. What fun that would be! I imagine you'd be quite competitive if we played against each other but I should welcome that. We could play for wagers, and if I win I shall ask for a kiss. Is that naughty of me? I don't know if you would consider these abilities to be secret talents but I have a rather uncanny sense of direction and therefore seem to have a particular knack for being able to find my way to wherever I need to go, no matter where I am. I can also recite the alphabet backwards very fast. And although I tend to favour using my right hand for most tasks, I am actually ambidextrous, and can use both hands with equal proficiency._

_2. Not exactly, at least not like there are in the Otherworld. Absolem described what your shops and markets are like when he was visiting me not too long ago. They sound quite intriguing! I think it would be wonderful if we had something like that here. In the years of the Red Queen's reign, both Queens provided for those who lived in the two castles or who were under their jurisdiction and protection. Of course, the White Queen had to take special care to do it in secret back then. Some of us (like me, Thackery and Mally) preferred to find ways to provide for ourselves. Now that the White Queen is back in power and the Red Queen has been banished, there is a vast area of land in the Southeastern part of Queast where fruits and vegetables and herbs are being grown again, and everyone who lives in Underland is free to take what they want, though some residents have their own fruit and vegetable gardens, and some even have farms where they keep chickens and other fowl, as well as cows and pigs. So that's how we get food. The Queen provides most everything else but certain villagers are craftsmen and artisans who make things like furniture made from wood, candles, soaps, baskets, pottery, clothes, shoes, woven blankets and other various wares such as what you'd find at one of your Otherworld markets. Though, instead of there being real markets or shops here, you have to go to the individual homes of those villagers to obtain the things they have to offer, and you need to barter something of your own in exchange for whatever you want from them. _

_3. I don't get jealous of others for what they have or what they can do but when it comes to you, I get very jealous. I hate the way men chase after you. I love what you wrote in response to the same question. From what I gather, obviously you can be just as jealous as I am at the thought of me being with someone else. And no, I don't think it's petty to feel like that, at least in our case. You and I are meant for each other and Fated to be together so it's only natural for us to feel this way, especially since we're apart right now and neither of us has been able to truly declare ourselves._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

18 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Tomorrow we'll be arriving in Saigon, sometime before dawn. I can't wait! Absolem and I played a rather rousing round of backgammon tonight but I didn't win so I'm afraid I can't collect on my wager yet.

1. Do you make friends easily? I make acquaintances easily, and many of them probably think of themselves as my friends but do I think of them in the same way? No. Miss Prescott is my friend and we've grown close to each other on this trip but even so, there are limits to that friendship. How does one define such a thing really? What is a friend? I'm closest to you and Absolem and in one way, you're both my friends, but really you're both more than that. It's rather complicated, isn't it?

2. What is one thing you are really picky about? Perhaps it's odd, but I'm very picky about my books being in pristine condition. I absolutely hate it when I get a book from a shop or the library and someone has dog-eared some of the pages. It's so inconsiderate and disrespectful!

3. Do you enjoy physical shows of affection? You seem to be someone who can be very affectionate but you also strike me as someone who isn't comfortable with just anyone being physically affectionate with you. I'm the same way.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I hope you find Saigon to be as wonderful as you imagine. I wonder, how far along are you on this trip now? I'm trying so hard to be patient but it isn't easy. I miss you so much, and I have no idea how long it will be until you come back. _

_1. I do make friends fairly easily but at the same time there's always a distance between me and others. They might not feel it, but I do. _

_2. This probably sounds quite frivolous but I tend to be rather picky about fabrics. I have to confess, I'm also quite picky about clothes, mine in particular. You're always wondering if I think you're silly (usually whenever you come close to admitting your true feelings towards me or at least hinting at it in your adorably innocent way), and of course I __don't__ think you're silly when it comes to that. But now it's me who wonders if you'd think that of me for being so concerned about such superficial things as fabrics and clothes._

_3. Yes, you're absolutely right. We are quite alike in this, as usual. I shy away from too much physical contact from others but I know I have it in me to be very affectionate. I'm certain I'll be exceedingly affectionate with you, if you allow it. I think you will._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

19 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

We're in Saigon now. It's quite amazing, I have to say! It used to be the provincial capital of the Nguyen Dynasty but now it's been taken over by the French and has been named the capital of French Indochina. We had a tour around the city today and the guide told us it's often referred to as the "Paris of the Orient" - not surprising, as I could see quite a Parisian influence.

After the tour we had lunch then we got to work doing Company business and I learned a great deal about the opium trade. Opium is a narcotic drug that is turned into a medicine called morphine which is used as a very strong pain reliever. Morphine is quite useful, and is regarded to be one of the greatest finds in modern medicine, though opium itself in its pure form is reputed to be abused most terribly, much like alcohol can be, and apparently it is extremely addictive to those who indulge. It's smoked when used as a narcotic drug. Absolem was rather intrigued when I told him about it because it's often smoked through a hookah. He tried to convince me to get a hold of some but from the way it was described, I was worried about how it would affect him so I refused. He scoffed at me and said he knows what he's doing and that because he's from Underland it would affect him differently. I asked why he would even want to try such a thing and he said that when he smokes from his hookah in Underland it gives him special visions. He told me then that he is a Seer, the only true Seer in Underland. Then he went on to explain that sometimes smoking from his hookah guides him and helps him See what is about to unfold and that it also gives him special mystical insights on things that are rather esoteric in nature. I asked him if he'd had any visions or mystical insights when I've helped him smoke from the hookah we got in Bombay but he said no, because it was just plain tobacco and it doesn't have the same properties as what he smokes in Underland. He told me that the substance he smokes in Underland opens up his Consciousness. We had a long talk about that, about opening up one's Consciousness, which was very interesting and illuminating. In any case, Absolem really wants me to get a pinch of opium for him. He said he has a strong feeling that it will give him an important vision. What do you think about this, Tarrant? I wish I could talk to you and get your opinion. The last thing I want to be is close-minded and inflexible, or worse, intolerant because I'm conforming to the "accepted" beliefs of society. My instincts tell me I should trust Absolem, but honestly, I'm unsure of what to do.

Well! Absolem popped up as I was writing that last sentence and we ended up playing backgammon, and guess what? I won! Thus, as promised, he now has to go to you and ask a question of my choice and then relay your answer to me.

Here's the question: Should I trust my instincts and get Absolem the pinch of opium? He doesn't know my question - I told him that I wrote it to you in my letter. I should like to keep this private, between us, so will you answer by simply saying either yes or no, and have him relay it to me?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_As I'm sure Absolem told you, my answer is yes. Absolem __does__ know what he's doing and he truly is a Seer. Whatever methods he employs to help him open his Consciousness to see what is about to unfold (and gain insights from the Higher realms) are his to understand, even if we don't quite comprehend them. I trust him too. If he has a feeling that smoking a bit of opium will give him an important vision, I have no doubt it's the right thing. _

_I wish I could have given you a longer answer than the "yes" and that you could read this letter instead because I worry that you're conflicted about this. But perhaps you're not. I hope my response helped and was enough to ease your mind._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

20 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Thank you for your answer to my question. When Absolem relayed it to me, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I had already decided to go with my instincts but hearing your confirmation made me feel so much lighter and happier about it. He came to me this morning right after seeing you and told me your answer, and after hearing your reply, I agreed to do it.

So! Today was quite a day! I visited a few Buddhist pagodas this afternoon and ended up spending a couple of hours at the last one, where I met a group of Buddhist monks. After all my discussions with the Brahmins it was very interesting to speak to the monks about their beliefs. I'll tell you more about all that in another letter because I have to tell you about my adventure that happened when I returned to the ship. Absolem was waiting for me in my cabin, and he was in a rather impatient mood, because he wanted me to go and fetch the opium right then, before the men from the Company got back from their day's tour of a rice paddy. So, we very carefully and furtively snuck down to the cargo hold and he kept watch while I searched through all the containers trying to find it. Honestly, I was so nervous and terrified that I was going to get caught, my heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to burst! The cargo hold is very large so I had to search for quite awhile, and the whole time we were down there, I kept imagining that I could hear someone coming but Absolem assured me that he was certain no one would discover me or else he wouldn't have insisted we embark on such a risky and compromising mission at that particular moment. Once I found the container, I took a pinch of opium from it and placed it into an envelope, then we quickly left and returned to the cabin. As soon as we got there, Absolem started laughing at me and I got annoyed and asked what was so funny. He told me to look in the mirror. I went and had a peek and seeing how utterly frazzled I looked made me laugh too. It was rather comical. My eyes were all wild and somehow my hair had gotten in a state of disarray and my cheeks were completely flushed. Really, I looked a bit mad! You would have found it most amusing to see me like that, I'm sure. I have to confess, I found it to be quite an exhilarating adventure, despite how frightened I was in the midst of it all. I suppose I should feel ashamed of myself, considering I stole something...and not just anything, but opium, no less!

Absolem waited until I got back from dinner and officially retired for the evening and then he asked me to help him smoke it. I did, after mixing the opium with some tobacco. He went into a trance almost immediately. It was quite fascinating to watch. I stayed quiet and let him be until he snapped out of it. Afterwards, when I asked him if he'd had a vision, he said that he did indeed, but he wouldn't tell me what it was, though he did say it was very interesting. Of course, that sparked my curiosity even more, but he told me it wasn't for me to know, at least right now.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm glad my response helped and made you feel better about your decision. I only wish I could have told you in person._

_That sounds like quite an adventure you had! If I didn't know Absolem and trust in his ability to see things, I would have been worried that you might have been caught. But Absolem can always sense if there's danger afoot. I wonder what the vision was. Truth be told, I'm as curious about it as you are. As for your concern about whether or not you should feel ashamed for doing what you did, I have to say, you obviously have a strong sense of ethics and you clearly know the difference between right and wrong. And in this particular instance, I honestly don't think that your taking the pinch of opium was stealing exactly. It was for a higher purpose and it doesn't sound like you took a lot. So I hope you're not chastising yourself for it._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

21 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Absolem seems to have taken a liking to the Buddhists, much like he did to the Brahmins of Bombay. While I was off doing business with the Company and learning about the rice trade, he spent the morning following the group of Buddhist monks I met yesterday to study them. He told me they noticed him after awhile and seemed quite fascinated with him. Later, after having lunch with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen, I snuck off to join him at the pagoda and when the monks saw him come straight over to me and perch himself upon my shoulder, they reacted like the Brahmins did. One of the Buddhists approached us and asked me about him, saying they could see he was very special, then the man asked if he was my guardian. I wasn't quite sure what to say to that because they were all staring at us, looking quite awed. Then Absolem nodded at them in response! I admit, I was rather shocked that he would actually reveal himself as a magical creature to anyone in this world, but he did. And of course, they all went mad with excitement after that. They had a lot of questions, and to my surprise, Absolem answered them all by either nodding or shaking his head. At first they thought he was the reincarnation of a highly revered Buddhist monk who had recently passed on but he shook his head at that and smiled in a mysterious way then looked at me. Naturally, they looked at me too then asked me what I knew about him. I was at a loss and unsure how to answer so I excused myself for a moment then proceeded to have a whispered consultation with him about what I was supposed to say. I didn't think he would want me to tell them the truth but for some reason he decided it was alright. He said to tell them he wasn't from this world and that he was immortal, and that he had come to this world for the time being in order to watch over me because I'm special and have a very important destiny. I asked what that destiny is but of course, he wouldn't tell me. Why does he have to be so infuriatingly secretive? It's quite vexing, especially as it concerns me!

In any case, we returned to the Buddhists after our discussion and I relayed what Absolem told me to say to them. They were quite wide-eyed by the end. They spoke amongst themselves for a time in whatever language it is they speak, then they took us to a special room in the temple. I was wondering what was going on but then they explained to me that they were going to perform a purification ritual on me and do a special blessing ceremony, if I consented to it. Absolem nodded at me so I agreed. How do I describe it? They made a circle using sand and stones and had me stand in the middle, then they began chanting and waving incense over me in a particular way. After awhile I began to feel all tingly and strange, but it wasn't a bad feeling. It was actually quite amazing. I think their chanting might have put me in some kind of trance because I entered a state of being that I've never experienced before. I don't really know how to explain it. Afterwards, I felt like there was a light all around me and inside me. They told me to come back tomorrow for the blessing ceremony.

Isn't that extraordinary? I asked Absolem if what happened today had anything to do with his vision and he smiled and said apparently I'm not a complete nitwit, so I suppose that was his way of saying yes.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Good heavens, you certainly do have the most extraordinary experiences! I felt my amulet tingling yesterday, so it must have been when the monks were performing the purification ritual on you. It's quite astounding!_

_I wonder if I'll feel something today when they perform the blessing ceremony. I suppose I shall see._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary:** _"There are questions I have to answer...things I have to do..."_ On a quest to fulfill a dream, Alice travels the world with the Company but finds herself leading a double life with twice the complication, thanks to a certain butterfly and an increasingly emotional correspondence with the Hatter that leaves her torn between the two worlds. Book One of the _Alice in Underland_ trilogy.

**Genre:** Romance/Adventure

**Pairing:** Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ and _Through the Looking-Glass_, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's _Alice in Wonderland_. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.

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*** A/N: I know it's been ages since I last updated but I've been busy working on a big edit of all my stories (although posting the rewrites will take some time and will therefore continue to be a work in progress). In addition to that, I have to admit, **_**The Letters**_** is proving to be a more difficult story to write, because unlike **_**Alice in Underland: The Return**_**, it is essentially set entirely in this world during the 1870's so it requires a lot more research and a stricter adherence and attention to historical detail which is very time-consuming. However, I just want to reassure everyone that, as ever, I am fully committed to writing and completing the trilogy and the two companion stories. Once I finish **_**The Letters**_**, I will immediately start on **_**The Trio of Guardians**_**. The final story in the trilogy will be much easier to write; and as a result, will be updated more frequently. **

**Please forgive the slow pace of **_**The Letters**_**. After writing **_**Alice in Underland: The Return**_** so quickly (with a new chapter posted daily), I find it quite distressing that it's taking so long to write this story. Unfortunately, certain real life complications as well as the added intricacy of the setting and all that it entails have made it a more formidable process. I had initially intended this to be just a small companion piece but once I started writing it, just like with **_**Alice in Underland: The Return**_**, it ended up taking on a life of its own and I realised it was meant to be more than a prequel, so instead it has now become Book One of the trilogy (although still a work in progress). Despite how long it's taking, I do have **_**The Letters**_** all plotted out in its entirety, and the aim is to make it a story that is as deep and rich in plot and character development as Book Two, so in the end, I believe that my taking this extra time will be worth it. **

**As a further note, please add me as a friend on Facebook for additional Author's Notes, updates on the progress of the stories, and questions you might want to ask me. The url is in my profile. With that said, please enjoy this next installment of **_**The Letters**_**, and as always, reviews are greatly appreciated.**

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**Alice in Underland: The Letters**

**Part Thirteen**

22 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Today was the 22nd of January, which means it's been exactly nine months since I last saw you. I have to confess, I tend to feel a bit down on the 22nd of each month but at least now I have something tangible from you - my lovely rose - and that makes me feel a bit better. Are you still wearing the amulet? Are you wearing it at this very moment, I wonder? When I asked Absolem if you liked it, he told me that you keep it on at all times. I was very happy to hear that. I remember the precise stall in Bombay where I found it, and the next time we're there, on the return journey back to England, I am going to see if they have a matching one for me to wear.

You see, Absolem told me something rather intriguing today. He said there's a special kind of magic in the amulet, just as there is in the rose that you gave to me, and that because the Buddhist monks performed the purification and blessing ceremonies on me, the magic from the amulet and the rose has changed and opened up a new connection between us. I believe it too. After we left the temple this afternoon, I felt a strange sense of...something. A link to you, but not just any link. I could feel you. I had a vision of you during the blessing ceremony. I could see it so clearly. The blessing ceremony itself was similar to the purification ceremony, except the monks chanted something different and the incense they used to wave over me had a different aroma. They also placed lit candles of various colours between the stones that made up the circle. Once they began, it wasn't long before I fell into a trance and I thought of you and then suddenly, I saw you. Afterwards, I told Absolem about it and that's when he explained the connection between the amulet and the rose. He said there is a dimension between the two worlds and that now the magic has become aligned in some way which created a bridge to that dimension. Goodness! It does sound rather esoteric, doesn't it? But I have to say, it makes sense to me.

When Absolem and I returned to my cabin, the most peculiar thing happened. I looked at my rose and it seemed to have an odd kind of glow around it. It's really quite amazing! As I am certain I've told you before, I have always felt a special connection between us, at least since we met this last time I was in Underland, but this is different. I wonder, are you feeling it too? Did you feel anything out of the ordinary from your amulet this afternoon?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Yes, I did feel my amulet tingling again yesterday. It's astonishing. How wonderful and mysterious! So the magic has created a bridge to the dimension that exists between our two worlds? And you had a vision of me! It's amazing, Alice. _

_I've been trying to explore this new connection since I read your letter. When I closed my eyes and held the amulet in my hand and concentrated, I could feel you. I think I could even see you, though I don't know if that was just my imagination. _

_Are you really going to get a matching amulet to wear when you go back to Bombay? That would mean so much to me, to be connected in such a way. It's rather romantic. And on a more spiritual level, perhaps it might open up the link between us even more._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

23 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

I forgot to mention in my letter last night that we left Saigon and are back at sea now. We left at dusk, just after the men returned from their tour of another rice paddy. It's a shame we had to go, really, because Absolem and I were enjoying our meetings with the Buddhist monks. I should have liked to stay for a few days longer. I shall certainly visit them again, as we plan on stopping in Saigon a second time on the journey home to England. They told me I must, for they want to check on me and see how the two ceremonies they performed have affected me. They said I should expect some very interesting changes in my life.

I'm a bit tired now so tonight's letter will be a short one, but now that we're back at sea perhaps tomorrow night I'll send you some new questions that I've been wanting to ask you.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm glad to know you shall be going back to Saigon on your return trip, as it was quite fascinating to read about the things you experienced there. I think you've undergone a sort of spiritual awakening and I look forward to discovering how that will unfold for you. I feel like I am going through a similar kind of awakening. Perhaps that is part of the greater plan the Fates have in store for us. Perhaps you and I are meant to explore certain things on our own and grow as individuals before we can be together. Yes. It does make sense. I believe this is precisely what our being kept apart is meant to accomplish. And in understanding that, perhaps I can stop questioning "why" and instead, focus on the path that is set before me._

_What a revelation! It's all clear, the higher purpose behind our current circumstances. I see what I need to do now and I shall endeavour to do it with an open heart and an open mind._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

24 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Now that we're at sea once again, things have settled back into the usual routine. Miss Prescott and I worked on the puzzle this afternoon, all the while coming up with amusing forfeits to make the Company men pay, should the opportunity arise. Naturally, it did. After dinner this evening we played Charades but once Lord Ascot retired, we played the Forfeits game. It was rather entertaining. I had forgotten how silly it can be. I lost during one turn and my forfeit was to dance a jig while holding a glass of water without spilling it, which Absolem later told me was quite hilarious to watch.

In any case, despite my enjoyment playing, I excused myself before the games finished and went back to my cabin early, because I found myself distracted. All throughout the evening, I had begun to feel a more and more pressing need to talk to Absolem about some things that have been on my mind. There's so much I'm learning and discovering at this time, and it brings up so many questions.

But I shall write about all that in another letter because I have some questions I want to ask you.

1. What is your favourite shape or symbol? This is actually one of the topics that came up tonight during my talk with Absolem. I was showing him the Egyptian ankh symbol (which is a symbol for eternal life) and telling him how I've always felt rather drawn to it, and he told me I felt that way because I'd had a past life in Egypt. Truthfully, such a revelation doesn't surprise me at all, for it's something I have always suspected, but it is not exactly a topic that I've ever been able to discuss with my acquaintances. Just Absolem and the Brahmins and Buddhists. In this part of the world, the concept of past lives and reincarnation is just a matter of course, but the beliefs that are common here are not widely accepted in the Western world, where I come from. And that brings up my next question:

2. Do you believe in reincarnation? Absolem told me that everyone in Underland is immortal, but if someone dies, they will be reborn. Is that something everyone is aware of in Underland or is it something only Absolem knows?

3. How do you feel about philosophical discussions? Do you enjoy them? Do you like thinking about spiritual matters or do you find it boring?

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_1. I've always been partial to the infinity symbol, which in case it is different in the Otherworld, is a sideways number 8. Your answer was very interesting. I haven't seen the ankh symbol but it's quite fascinating that you've had a past life, and that Absolem told you about it._

_2. Yes, I do believe in reincarnation, though we don't get many cases of it here. Well, I don't know actually. So many people died under the Red Queen, so doesn't it stand to reason that there are a lot of souls waiting to be reborn here? Yet, no babies have been born in Underland since the Red Queen got control of the crown. Are those souls still waiting? Or, are they getting reborn in the Otherworld? That is a profound question I shall have to ponder. As for our immortality, yes, everyone knows about it. And that makes me wonder now about you and what your Fate is when you come back here. Will you become immortal too? Oh my! What if you won't? I couldn't bear that. I'm going to have to speak to Absolem about this. I'm very worried now._

_3. I love having philosophical discussions. I can't wait until we're together in person and can talk about these things with one another. _

_After answering your questions I called for Absolem. I had to know if you're going to become immortal when you come back here. He wouldn't answer me directly and instead spoke in riddles but he did hint that if you return here and make the choice to stay, by making some kind of definitive tie to Underland, you __will__ become immortal. I wonder how you'll feel about that. I asked what would constitute a definitive tie to Underland, and he said I should think about it and the answer will be obvious. So I meditated on it after he left and indeed, the answer did come to me, and it __was__ obvious, but I shan't say what it is, for I don't want to jinx things._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

25 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

I'm laughing as I write this because at this very moment, Absolem is off tormenting one of the men in the Company. He's making good on his promise to punish the next man who dared to bother me. You see, we played the Forfeits game again and unfortunately I had a lapse in judgement which resulted in a rather unpleasant incident. All was well until Mr. Smythe lost and his forfeit was to kiss me on the cheek. I refused at first but then I started thinking that perhaps the men were beginning to think I was behaving like a frightened little priss, instead of a woman of the world, and really, the game is supposed to be "all in good fun" so I didn't want to spoil it by acting too prim and unsophisticated. Miss Prescott seemed to agree, because when I looked at her, she gave me a nod of encouragement. So I let Mr. Smythe kiss my cheek. The problem was, he grabbed hold of me after and stole a real kiss, right on my mouth. I was horrified and terribly embarrassed because many of the men started clapping, as if they had been waiting a long time for such a thing to occur. I got quite angry and pushed Mr. Smythe away at once then told him that just because I'd agreed to a kiss on the cheek, it certainly didn't mean he was free to take liberties with my person. But I didn't want to make too much of a fuss over it, because for one thing, I knew Absolem would get him back later, and the truth is, I simply cannot have the men thinking I'm just a silly, prudish girl pretending to be an adult. What that man did was wrong but I couldn't let them see how upset I truly was. I did, however, make it very clear to everyone present that there would never be an opportunity for a repeat performance.

At any rate, when I went back to my cabin, Absolem appeared a moment later and evil creature that he is, he was laughing and practically rubbing his hands together with malicious glee at the prospect of scaring Mr. Smythe out of his wits. He had seen the whole thing so he was quite ready to cause a little mayhem in 's cabin. It's terrible to admit, but I couldn't help but laugh along with him because he had a rather determined gleam in his eyes which was very amusing, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Oh! He's back now and he looks rather excited to tell me what happened. I shall have to pause for the moment and continue this letter later, after I hear Absolem's report!

Goodness! Apparently Mr. Smythe screamed like a girl when Absolem whispered into his ear in the dark. Isn't that funny? Do you think we're depraved and monstrous for being so horrid? I've only just recovered from my laughing fit. Abby's impression of his reaction had me in stitches.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I have to admit, I was very upset when reading about that man stealing a kiss from you. I can only imagine how you must have felt when all the men started clapping, and it makes me so angry! How dare he take advantage of you? From everything you've written to me about how complicated a woman's place is in the Otherworld, I can understand why you agreed to a kiss on the cheek but it makes me sad that such measures are thought to be necessary. It shouldn't have to be like that._

_Absolem's punishment made me laugh too so no, I certainly don't think you two are depraved or monstrous. I'm glad he did what he did. And it's clear that he is very good for you, and knows just what to do to keep you from getting distressed or too affected by such unpleasant happenings._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

26 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

I had planned to ask you some more questions in my letter last night but I ended up getting sidetracked by the "Forfeits incident" as Absolem and I like to call it. So now I shall ask the questions I meant to send to you in yesterday's letter:

1. Are you superstitious? I can be, about some things. I believe that Four Leaf Clovers are good omens, because I found one once and it seemed to bring me good luck for a time. There is also a superstition about salt that I have always followed. The idea is, to ward off bad luck, you're meant to throw a pinch of it over your shoulder then all will be well. It's interesting because I told Absolem about it and he said there actually is something to that, but we haven't gotten it exactly right here in this world. He said salt absorbs dark and dense energies in the atmosphere, especially if you place it in a bowl in the middle of a room. He's been teaching me meditation and today he had me get a cup of salt then he led me through a meditation we've been practising. When I reached the trance-like state that meditation produces, he had me hold a handful of the salt in my palm. I could feel it then. Absolem told me to concentrate and focus on my anger towards Mr. Smythe and all the other men who have bothered me and to feel the salt absorbing that anger. And I did. It really works!

2. Of all the places I've been so far on this trip which would you most like to visit? The two places I most look forward to visiting again are Saigon and Bombay. Both have had a very powerful impact on me.

3. If you had to choose, would you rather be a Knight for the White Queen or a Lord in her Court?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I'm glad to see that what happened with Mr. Smythe hasn't seemed to have had a lasting effect on you. There was a time when such a thing would have had you depressed or upset for days._

_Here are my answers to your questions:_

_1. The only thing I am susperstitious about is the position of the bed in which I sleep. Placing the bottom of a bed to face a door is considered bad luck. It's very interesting that you've been practising meditation with Absolem because I have been practising it too, ever since you wrote to me about the magic in the rose and the amulet. How extraordinary that we are so parallel and in sync in our activities and pursuits, without even knowing it. This link that has opened between us is proving to be quite amazing! I shall have to try that thing with the salt whenever I feel upset or overwhelmed._

_2. Hmmm. You've been to so many places and really, they all sound wonderful. But I have to agree with your choices. Bombay and Saigon are the two places that I am most drawn to, and not just because of the things you wrote about them or because of what you experienced during your visits. I __feel__ something when I think of both places._

_3. There was a time when I would have answered, "Neither," but now you are a Lady here in Underland so I should like to be a Lord. I don't want that now at the moment, but when you come back, there is no doubt that things would be easier if were a Lord and the two of us were considered to be of equal stations so I can court you without worry about what others might think._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

27 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Nothing out of the ordinary happened today so I shall go right to the questions.

1. Do you measure yourself by your strengths or weaknesses? Though I've found that most people lean more towards one or the other, for me, it's an even split. I know what my strengths are but I equally acknowledge my weaknesses, and I am constantly endeavouring to improve myself.

2. Which do you prefer: the mountains or the sea? That is a difficult one because I love both.

3. Do you identify more with fictional characters from books or your actual friends and acquaintances? With the exception of my father, I used to identify more with fictional characters from books, but since I met you and Absolem, that has changed.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_1. I swing back and forth, to be honest. Sometimes I measure myself by my strengths, but other times, all I can see are my weaknesses. You seem to have a more balanced sense of yourself, which is very admirable. What you wrote about how you are constantly endeavouring to improve yourself struck a chord with me. I'm like that too. It's yet another thing we share in common._

_2. Like you, I find it difficult to choose between the two. However, if I were to pick, I'd have to say the sea...but not the ones here. I should like to see the seas in the Otherworld. Are they different from the ones in Underland?_

_3. As usual, my answer is remarkably similar to yours. I have always tended to identify more with fictional characters from books, but now I've met you and that has changed everything._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

28 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Again, nothing special happened today so I shall go straight to tonight's questions:

1. Do you adapt well to change or resist it? I adapt quite well to change, especially if I am the one to initiate it.

2. What do you daydream about? I daydream about so many things. The places I'm going to see. The places I've been to on this trip. Things I'd like to do. Sometimes I daydream about odd things, like what it would be like to fly or to be able to breathe underwater. When I was a child, my father asked me once what I wanted to be when I grew up, and my answer was, "A mermaid." Are there mermaids in Underland? If there are, I should like to talk to one. I find myself daydreaming about Underland a lot, but most especially, I daydream about you. I try to imagine where you are and what you are doing.

3. Do you ever say things just to shock people? I have to admit, I think I do say things just to shock people sometimes. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I'm trying to wake people up, or maybe I'm trying to challenge them in some way, challenge their beliefs or the way they think, or challenge their complacency with the way things are.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_1. I used to resist change but I have been trying to be more open to it now._

_2. Honestly? I daydream about you, about being with you in the Otherworld and having tea parties in your cabin on the ship, and going to the markets with you in all the different places you've been. I imagine myself sharing in all the adventures you're having. I also daydream about you being here in Underland, and I imagine all the things I would like to do with you. There's so much of Underland you haven't seen and I think about where I would like to take you. It makes me happy to know you daydream about me too. To answer your question, yes, there are mermaids here, in the White Sea, but like unicorns, they tend to hide from us so it is very rare to see one._

_3. I must confess, I say things just to shock people sometimes too, and I do it for the same reasons you do._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

29 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

We shall be arriving in Hong Kong sometime in the middle of the night. Tomorrow we're going to take a rather extensive tour of it and I'm very excited about that! Absolem is too. It's rather amusing to see how much he's enjoying travelling around this world. As you can probably ascertain from my letters, he's spending more and more time here, which makes me happy. I do enjoy Miss Prescott's company, but it's not the same. I can talk about anything and everything with Absolem. I just wish you could be here as well. What fun we would have!

Here are tonight's questions:

1. When you were a child how did you spend most of your time? Did you have a lot of friends? I spent most of my time outdoors, reading. I also liked to paint and draw and write stories.

2. Do you find it easy to forgive people and forget about the bad things that have happened to you? I find it easy if I feel justice has been served. Though really, I think I am actually a more forgiving person than people might imagine. It's very rare for me to hold grudges against others, no matter what they might have done.

3. Have you ever played the game called "Horseshoes"?

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_I wish I could be there too, more than anything. Like I wrote in my letter yesterday, it's something I imagine all the time._

_My answers to your questions:_

_1. No, I didn't have many friends. As I think I mentioned before when you asked about my childhood, I had a rather lonely one. It sounds like you did too. I spent most of my time exploring as much of Underland as I could or learning the hat-making trade from my father._

_2. The truthful answer is no, I don't find it easy to forgive those who have wronged me. I admire that you can, and wish I could be more like you._

_3. I have. We often play it in Marmoreal. The Red Queen preferred croquet but the White Queen is more inclined towards other games, Horseshoes being one of her favourites._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

30 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

How do I describe Hong Kong? Much like Bombay, it's so incredibly interesting to see such a fascinating blend of British culture alongside the more exotic and intriguing culture of the Chinese natives. It's quite exciting to be here. Although under Queen Victoria's rule and officially a Crown colony, Hong Kong is a territory that is really split into two very distinct sides, with the east side being decidedly British. During the tour we took today I noted the very English museums, libraries, shops, hotels, post offices, and more than one town hall. I even saw a race course and fields where groups of men were playing polo and cricket! Naturally, it is the west side that I find more appealing. That's where the natives are. It's so wonderful. There's so much of the Chinese culture that I want to see and explore. We only had a short time at the markets there but tomorrow Miss Prescott and I plan to go back, accompanied by Mr. Bowen. Goodness! It really is extraordinary here. You wouldn't believe the beautiful silks they had on display, Tarrant! They were divine. You would be amazed if you could see the quality of the fine fabrics and textiles, and all the lovely colours. We saw a number of Chinese teahouses that looked promising too. Absolem did a bit of exploring himself, while following behind me at a discreet distance, and he told me that we shall have to learn about the ancient art of Feng Shui while we are here. I'm not really sure what Feng Shui is yet but I do look forward to finding out.

Tonight we had a large Company dinner out in Hong Kong, rather than on the ship, but we ate British food at a British establishment, which I admit I found rather disappointing. Honestly! The whole point of travelling is to try new things and get immersed in the fantastic and thoroughly different cultures that we're given the opportunity to experience, not hide away in the ones we already know. It seems so provincial. I must say, I am very glad Absolem is here with me because he fully agrees. He really loves seeing the Otherworld. Yes, I did call my world the Otherworld because in this region, it really is like another world.

Absolem is excited because we shall be trading for more opium here. Judging from what I saw in the cargo hold, I would have thought the Company had already obtained plenty, but that is apparently not the case. And now Absolem is proposing a second excursion down to the hold to get another pinch, if you can believe it! He said he feels another vision is forthcoming and it will help. I expressed concern that he might get addicted to it if he's not careful, for I have heard it's quite terrible that way, but he just laughed at me as if I'd said something hilarious. The truth is, I know I will end up giving in, as always, but I will only do it if he is absolutely certain that we won't get caught. I can't even imagine the trouble I would be in if I were caught stealing a pinch of opium from the cargo hold!

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_It was so wonderful reading your most recent letter. Hong Kong does indeed sound quite interesting. I should love to see it. Perhaps I shall one day. Wouldn't that be something? I think I should especially love to see those silks and fabrics that you described. And I should love to try some tea from a Chinese teahouse. How delightful it sounds!_

_I have to confess, I find myself feeling rather jealous of Absolem. He gets to share all these amazing adventures with you. Truly, it makes me happy to know that he's looking after you and making sure that you aren't too lonely, and I know he is protecting you from any possible dangers you might face, yet at the same time, I can't help but feel envious of him. It makes me feel terrible and petty and horribly selfish, but sometimes it's a bit difficult to read about all the incredible things that you're experiencing with him._

_As for the opium, I wouldn't worry too much about it. As you can be certain, Absolem really does know what he is doing and he'll make sure you won't get caught. I do wonder what the vision will be._

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_

_

* * *

_

31 January 1873

Dear Tarrant,

Today was another marvelous day. I went to the west side of Hong Kong with Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen, as planned, and it was quite an experience. Thankfully, they both enjoy exploring other cultures, just as I do, so we had a lovely tour of the Chinese district. Absolem came along too, but he had to keep out of sight most of the time, though he did manage to lead me to a man who told us a bit about Feng Shui while Miss Prescott and Mr. Bowen browsed some of the stalls at the markets. Well, really it was me the man talked to about it, but he did seem rather interested in Absolem. Everyone is. The sight of a butterfly perched upon a person's shoulder is not something people usually see.

We had another dinner in Hong Kong but this time we ate on the west side, dining with a group of Chinese merchants who deal in silks and jade and of course, tea. It was a rather nice meal, though I have no idea what it was that we actually ate.

Tomorrow morning I have to do some Company business but in the afternoon I'll be free to do what I like. Absolem wants us to visit a Taoist temple to learn about the religion, which I'm looking forward to. That is becoming one of my favourite parts about this trip. Learning about other religions and talking to people about their beliefs is fascinating, and I really enjoy it. Absolem said it's important to gain as much knowledge as possible because every bit of information opens the mind to new insights and higher truths, and I find that I quite agree. I feel different. This journey has changed me. The things I've experienced are making me see life from a whole new perspective. Absolem and I talk about that a lot. He said my Consciousness is opening. He also said that he can see I have a special gift but I have to grow into it. I asked him what the special gift is but he wouldn't tell me. Perhaps it sounds strange, but I'm beginning to understand that some things are meant to be hidden from one's self until the time is right. I think I'm beginning to learn what patience means, in a very profound way.

Goodnight, dear Tarrant.

Yours always,

Alice

* * *

_My darling Alice,_

_Yes, I can see an immense change in you, and it's very inspiring. It's clear I have much to learn from you. What you wrote about patience was quite illuminating. I shall have to think about it more in depth but I realise that I too need to explore what patience really means and embrace the fact that some things __are__ meant to be hidden from one's self until the time is right. _

_Forever yours,_

_Tarrant_


End file.
